:confused:okay my husband is very insecure he does not like me going out or likes me having any friends (male or female) he feels if i have friends (female) thts they are taking me away from him and i spend less time with him well wen it come to a male friend he knows he treats me like so he feels that i will find someone that will treat me like a queen much better that him i knw he loves me but he gets way out of hand somtimes he like to hide his money from me mind u i am a stay at home mom so if i need any personal things i have to tell him and he will go get it the only time he gives me money is when i need to go grocery shoppin and i hve AN AMOUNT I CAN SPEND he goes though my email checks my facebook myspace and gmail and it was one time he went in my spam box and found an online dating advertisement and thought that i visited the site and thats how they got my email so when he found that he told me and my kid to get out and go live with who ever i was talkin to on the site and then he goes and post if all up on facebook how i cheated on him while he is deployed yes he is in the military but he jus made mr look really bad to all his friends and they was all commenting on his status i jus felt really bad cause i didnt do anything but i am wondering if i should stay and get help or should i leave and jus say it
I'm sorry, your post was way too hard to read. There wasn't one comma or period in the entire post.
Also, chat speak is not something most of the people on this site will even bother to read, not to mention that it's against the rules.
Please re-type your post. Use punctuation, complete words and the best English you're capable of. You'll get more responses that way. As it is, I don't think many people will read more then the first sentence before they get fed up.
I actually read (and tried to understand) the whole thing because it sounded like I was writing it many years ago. Almost exact, except for the email stuff. (kind of strange)
Change the situation or get the H3ll out, unless you do something about it now, it will never change. If you put up with it, it will only get worse.
I give this opinion from personal experience, and I hope you have the strength to help yourself and your child
He's an abuser and he's clearly a control freak. (Interesting how he chose to abuse you through FaceBook.)
You need to understand that you're being subjected to domestic violence:
"Domestic violence occurs when a family member, partner or ex-partner attempts to physically or psychologically dominate or harm the other. Domestic violence can be exhibited in many forms, including physical violence, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, intimidation, social or economic deprivation or threats of violence".
Leave. This man does not have your physical, mental or emotional well-being as his first priority. Get out for the sake of your children. They are our first priority now.
Are you able to call on family or friends to assist you? Do so, without delay.
The situation with your husband will only escalate if you stay and I would be concerned about his response if you were to confront him.
Gemini spelled out for what "domestic abuse" is. Staying there is only going to get worse. Especially if he is isolating you from your family and keeping you from having friends of either gender. Budgets are one thing, but accusations of infidelity on Facebook are a HUGE RED FLAG.
I agree you need to get out. Today-if possible.
You and your child do not deserve to be treated like this. He isn't only damaging your self-esteem and respect but your child's too. Is she/he his child or from a previous relationship?
You need to go to your family (if possible) or contact your local Women's Services. They can help you with the resources available in your area.
You need to re-establish ties with old friends and rebuild your support system. You have already started on the support by talking to us.
It won't be easy, so expect the pain, hurt and indecision and provide yourself ways to minimize them like making new friends, new job, new hobby, etc. and most of all being a parent.
You will feel like you have to stay and try to work it out. You don't. He will probably try threats. Keep a log and make police reports as necessary. He will probably say he will change. Don't believe him.
The dynamics here could be more than "He is a control freak, get out"
OP, before you take all the above advice (if you wanted to leave you would have by now), ask yourself this. Have you done everything you can to convince your Solder that you are committed and that you LOVE him?
I know it sounds silly and sorta pop psych. But just consider what I've said, a small gesture or show of appreciation or validation may go a long way in calming the inner demons your Hubby may be dealing with.
I know what I say is against the grain....take it for what it is....
I agree with jham123... did you guys marry young? contrary to popular belief, it IS possible for someone to change. I know when my wife goes out with mystery friends (especially other men), my spider sences sometimes start to tingle, but when I meet the friends first, it's usually no big deal.
Until recently, we had an unspoken rule of introducing new friends to each other, usually in a social gathering so that we could actually get to know them, and vice versa.That way, when it's time to go out with those friends, it usually no big deal; it's harder for a friend to steer you the wrong way when they've made a connection with your partner.
However, as far as the money is concerned, yes, it is controlling. He needs to understand that his money IS your money... 50/50. he may work the job, but you are working the home, so that is half your income. He couldn't earn that without you. Ask him if he'd prefer that you find a job, then ask him if he would be willing to stay home to take care of your child. I am sure his answer would be no...
What he did through his social networking sites is just plain immature. Sounds like he's young and insecure. Try my 'meeting the friends' suggestion, and maybe that will help quell his insecurities.
But I'd wager that many of these poor behaviors that the Hubby exhibits may be in an escalated battle STEMMING from both parties being in a constant state of confusion about each other.
She, Frozen by anxiety and Fear yet still deeply in love
He, Confused at her lack of intimacy and calculating (incorrectly) that the reason for the lack of intimacy could only be that she is looking to leave...or worse that she is giving her affections to another.
The dynamics here could be more than "He is a control freak, get out"
OP, before you take all the above advice (if you wanted to leave you would have by now), ask yourself this. Have you done everything you can to convince your Solder that you are committed and that you LOVE him?
I know it sounds silly and sorta pop psych. But just consider what I've said, a small gesture or show of appreciation or validation may go a long way in calming the inner demons your Hubby may be dealing with.
I know what I say is against the grain....take it for what it is....
Did it cross your mind she is afraid to leave? His actions might put the fear of leaving in to her?
He, Confused at her lack of intimacy and calculating (incorrectly) that the reason for the lack of intimacy could only be that she is looking to leave...or worse that she is giving her affections to another.
QUOTE]
She never mentioned an issue with lack of intimacy.
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