My wife and I have been married for about 8 years now, I am 28 and she is too. When we were 1st married we had sex a lot. Time has passed, and 4 kids later, I would say we have sex 1-2 times a month. Quite frankly it is not enough for me. I can understand if she had to deal with the kids constantly, but in our marriage we have more or less reversed the "traditional" roles. She works, and I stay at home and care for the children. It works well for us. I have attempted to make her understand my point of view but it seems everything I say leaves her with the impression that: "i am just a selfish jerk and i just want to DO her." I LOVE my wife and I love to have sex with her that is true, but I am not a "wham bam thank-you maam" kind of guy she seems to treat me like. She is fond of cuddling and I am too but to a lesser degree. She enjoys spooning with me, and I let her do it every night. It's a feeling of security that she gets from it and I am happy to provide it. But when I want sex as another form of intimacy with her it's a whole different ball game. I feel that sex is important and honestly, it helps me to feel loved. We both have let ourselves go a bit but she has told me that looks aren't important to her and I have proved that her looks are not important to me. I am attracted to her because of WHO she is not what she looks like, but I cant seem to convince her of that. Should I just give up on this and just be grateful for whenever she feels like it? I feel like such a jackass trying to initiate sex and being rejected constantly. I don't want anything nice I do for her to be just about sex, but at the point we're at, she really seems to believe I ONLY do kind things for her because I want to get her in the sack. I love my wife very much and feel a bit abandoned because I am not asking for any reason other than wanting to, to have sex with her. I feel like she should want to want me. At least that is what I hope for. Sorry for the long winded question but I would like opinions that are more specific than just: "buy her flowers, take her out". Thank you for any advice you may offer.