My husband and I have been together for 7 years and married for 1. We are highschool sweethearts and now he just told me he was attracted to men. I feel stupid because everyone has always said that they thought he was gay. It has kind of been like a joke ever since highschool. But he loved me and I loved him and he always denied it he siad he wasnt and i didnt think he was.Now he goes to gay bars to hang with his "friends" and has a great time.Alot more fun then he would ever have with me. I think that since he goes there and everyone says hes gay and that hes having so much fun there that he thinks he is and now he told me hes felt like this ever since he was little.I just dont know what to do and I fell so stupid because everyone always said he was and I should have saw this coming.

N0help4u

You aren't going to change him so if there is no future you should talk to him about if he wants a divorce so he can get on with his life. If he says he wants to stay with you get to the bottom of WHY he would want to. He shouldn't have his cake and eat it too leaving you without a real life for yourself. I wouldn't even mention why things didn't work out to others.
Get out and get your own life and keep your dignity.

Homegirl 50

You two need to have a talk. He is either going to live a gay life style or be married to you. He can't do both. He has no business going to gay bars if he is married to you.
You deserve a husband all of the time, not one who's gate is swinging both ways.
Personally, I could not stay with him.

Stephieee

If hes worked up the courage to come out to you, he is gay and has been for a long time. My question is, if you have only been married for a year, why is he just telling you this now? You think he wasn’t feeling this way a year ago, when he married you? It would’ve been a lot easier to just break up rather than go through a divorce. I know he cant change who he is or whatever, but still. I would be pissed. Does he even want to stay together? Because it sounds like he is showing you no respect. As for the gay bars, would you put up with him going to “straight bars” to pick up women? What makes him think that now that he’s gay its ok? That’s crazy.

akitbo

Have been in the same boat, but was married for a lot longer. Encourage you to contact GAMMA. It is an organization for Adult Married Men and their families who are gay. The one thing I will say is remember what attracted you to him in the beginning is the same thing that exists today.

talaniman

Okay he is gay. What is it he wants to do about it, thats the question. After marriage is no time to explore his sexuality with others. Talk and be frank, and find out what he thinks he should, do or want to do. If he wants sex outside the marrige, let him go. Doesn't really matter, man or woman, its cheating. Another question, is he still attracted to you?

donf

Dear lady,

I empathise with your predicament. However, it is nothing for you to feel stupid about> He deliberately deceived you. He withheld the information from you.

If he had confessed his true attraction at any time prior to your marriage, the dating and marriage would not have been something you would have chose.

My suggestion is to seek some professional help for yourself. I would like to suggest that you start by seeing a local clergeyman or woman to discuss you options, plans and fears.

Seeking help for your husband will never work, he has to want to change if he does not, he is just going along to get along.

May I also suggest that you put the onus back on him. If his homosexuality is a true issue for you, put it to him that he has to make a decision and give him a week or so to mull it over. Let him know that he must choose between being married to you as a true husband or continuing his homosexual life. Let him know that you consider his giving his love to other men as a breach of faith to his promise of fidelity to you.

Please do not try to own the management of his situation. There are options open to you. Divorce, Annulment or a continued marriage. Even the Roman Catholic would consider an application for annulment based on the fact that his withholding of his homosexuality prior to marriage tainted the marriage vows since he could not bring his full love of you to these vows.

Good luck and try to enjoy the spirit and solemnity of this season.

s_cianci

I agree with the others. Cheating is cheating, whether it's done straight or gay. Lay it on the table with him and give him an ultimatum and be prepared to pack your bags and go.

Fr_Chuck

yes cheating and running around is the same no matter what their sexual preference, so do what any other wife does when their husband cheats, divorce him and take him for everything he ever had or will have.

if he is willing to stop going out and remain faithful then try couseling if you want to save the marriage.

mseik

GAMMA would be a great group for your husband.

For you, I strongly recommend you start here to find some vital, knowledgeable support with this issue. Getting subjective random online opinions from people who are definitely not experts on this issue can certainly do more harm than good. This venue just serves to cloud an already difficult emotional situation. Please seek support from people who know better and won't transfer their own uninformed opinions about things to you and your situation.

No offense intended to anyone here, but that is the reality of the situation.

I wish you the best.