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    My husband was on meth and drank

    Asked Nov 9, 2007, 07:49 PM 3 Answers
    This is how it began, my husband was on meth and I knew it, but when he brought into our home I told him to leave and he did . This was over a year ago. He stopped the meth about 10 months ago on his own. We always drank from time to time but not a lot. Well he is back and has been for 8 months. While he was gone he drank everyday. I let him come home 3 different times and he drank everyday.and one night he left while being drunk and never came back. Well that was almost a year ago. Now when he wants to drink like we aways did befire he did all of this I get very upset. Tonight it was a very big fight over it. I told him that every time he tells me he wants to drink, that it jut brings up all he done to me. I am hard person to get close to anyone and I let myself fal in love with him and I went through such a hard time, my heart got broken. But we all mess up and I love him enough to forgive him and try to make this work. But the problem is that when he wants to drink it brings it all up for me. He will let me talk to him about this but becomes upset with me on how I feel. He tells me that we have always drank from time to time. But things have changed. He tells me he love me and won't ever leave me again. I told him I couldn't tell him what to do that he was a grown man and to make his own choses in life and that if he wanted to leave me to go. I didn't want to drag this out. He said he didn't want to leav and that he loved me, but I feel since I have told him so many times on how it makesme feel that he should try to understand what this is doing to me and not drink until I can get over this. I have forgiven him for doing this to me. The drugs took control of his every move.I am trying so hard to move past this, but when he wants to drik it just brings it all back. Am I wrong ? I know this is long but I need some help with this. I have a 17 year old son that knows what is going on and I don't want to put him through anymore than he has already been through. Please please help. I forgot to say that he said he would bring up the drinking anymore. But won't he resent me for this ?

    Last edited by babigirl1; Nov 9, 2007 at 07:58 PM.
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    Zayne S Halsall's Avatar
    Zayne S Halsall Posts: 71, Reputation: 5
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    #2

    Nov 9, 2007, 10:10 PM
    Please note the following is my opinion only - I am not a qualified psychiatrist or relationship counsellor.

    The fact that you have posted to a public Internet forum means you have thought quite a bit about this already, and are having doubts. If you are having doubts, they are (as mentioned in your post) obviously caused by previous bad experiences in this regard.

    From my own experiences with abuse and abusive relationships, it is apparent that people who abuse drugs will continue their cycle of destruction regardless of any promises made or any outside changes that appear to happen, as long as the root cause of their problems are not addressed. Nowhere did you mention your husband seeking help or talking to you about the reasons he does what he does. Interestingly enough, although you mention him saying he loves you and won't do it again, nowhere do you mention him apologising and/or explaining why he won't do it again.

    Luckily for you, your child is now old enough that he can understand the situation from an adult perspective, and won't be emotionally scarred by whatever choice you may make. Ultimately, the decision then is one for you to make for yourself alone, but I would suggest if you do decide to not just cut him off outright, that you lay down some ground rules along the lines of rehabilitation and some form of counselling to address the underlying issues and be hard-assed about enforcing the rules.

    Whatever you decide, I wish you luck.
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    babigirl1's Avatar
    babigirl1 Posts: 127, Reputation: 12
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    #3

    Nov 10, 2007, 08:53 AM
    He has apologised for what he has done. I have ask him to go to therapy with he and he says he will. I am just heart broken over all of this and I cant go on like this. I love him but we need help. Meth is sucha bad drug and once you start it you can become hooked on it fast. I have seen this with so many of my family members. And as you said my son is old enough to understand. But it doesn't make it any better on me as being a mother for him to have gone through this. I am a great mother and I have a great 17 year old because of this. He did learn firs hand what drugs can do to a person. Thanks so much for your advise on this. This is such a great site to get help.
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    peggyhill's Avatar
    peggyhill Posts: 907, Reputation: 149
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    #4

    Nov 10, 2007, 12:09 PM
    Is he involved with Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous? They might be able to help him out. Encourage him to seek help. It sounds like he wants to, but the cycle of addictions can be hard to break. Tell him that he either gets help and stays clean, or he will not be living with you. You can't make someone change until they admit that they have a problem. He can't be blaming you for the drinking by saying that you both used to drink together. Many people enjoy an occasional drink without being alcoholics. Your husband is an alcoholic and former drug addict. That is the difference between him and you. If you are able to have an occasional drink and that's it, that is a far cry from him drinking every day, leaving the house drunk, etc. Don't let him guilt trip you by saying that. He shouldn't blame you or resent you for not letting him drink. That is his addiction, and all you are doing is trying to help him. Stick to your guns and demand that he go to counseling right away. Good luck!
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