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My husband seems to be obssesed with his childhood friend. they have been friends for over 10 years. before we married he promised me that he wasnt the kind of man that liked to hang out with his friends. he lied. he goes to his buds house about 2-3 times a week and get home at 1 am or sometimes 3 am.I have asked him what is so interesting about his friends house and he says they play video games and watch movies !but yesterday he lied to me and said that he was going to play pool with a co worker but not to my surprise i called his best friend and there he was. when i confronted him about him lying he blew me off. he said i knew u would find out i will be home whenever. that night he got home at 3:30am.i pretend to be sleeping.... what can i do? he prefers to be with his friends than with me! i havent talked to him im silent and avoid looking at him. i'm miserable what should i tell him. i gave him an ultimatum 8 months ago i said me or the friend and he choose his friend and said i know him before you..... help.
HI tell your husband that you and him became one flesh when you to got married and he didn't marry his friends he married you. you come first now in his life not his friends. try to sit him down again and let him know how this is hurting you.
Maybe the two of you could come up with a compromise. Maybe he could go over once a week, and maybe you could start inviting his friends over to your house. I suppose this doesn't fix the lying aspect of things. Lying, well, that's just plain wrong.
I know from personal experience that you should never give a guy an ultimatum. That never works. Maybe if you lay off for a bit and try to keep yourself busy, he will stick around more. He knows you are there waiting, so change that. Do something, don't be there just waiting. Find something you enjoy doing without him. Maybe the two of you could set up your own weekly date-night. A night where it's just the two of you and you do something together.
It sounds like he needs to grow up, and I'm sure he will. Sometimes they take a little longer than us...ha ha ha.
Maybe the two of you could come up with a compromise. Maybe he could go over once a week, and maybe you could start inviting his friends over to your house. I suppose this doesn't fix the lying aspect of things. Lying, well, that's just plain wrong.
I know from personal experience that you should never give a guy an ultimatum. That never works. Maybe if you lay off for a bit and try to keep yourself busy, he will stick around more. He knows you are there waiting, so change that. Do something, don't be there just waiting. Find something you enjoy doing without him. Maybe the two of you could set up your own weekly date-night. A night where it's just the two of you and you do something together.
It sounds like he needs to grow up, and I'm sure he will. Sometimes they take a little longer than us...ha ha ha.
Ladies your not going to like this but of all the things he could be doing, is it to much to ask if you could cut the guy some slack. Video games a couple of nights a week with his friend? I've been playing chess for 40 years and a 4 out of seven is 5 hours at least. Now if he ignored you the rest of the time okay I can see being mad. But if you want him home every night with no friends? Maybe you should chain him to the porch and walk him daily. How about sitting down and talking to him and come to a compromise where he doesn't feel he has to lie about where he goes and who he's with and what he's doing. Drop the ultimatum act though, truly a bad idea, now you got his back against the wall Oh no no. Just curious do you have things you enjoy? Does he forbid you from doing what you like with your girl friends? You do have girl friends I assume. And at 52 I'm still a big kid at heart, but my wife of 32 years compromises and takes the shackles off enough to keep this puppy happy. Communication, listening, and understanding go a long way to honesty and trust. Talk don't scream, ask don't demand.
Someone needs to initiate a "tone makeover" in the relationship's communication style and it might as well start with you since you are the one with the complaint. Remind yourself why you love this man.... remind yourself that love doesn't ask a person to choose beween friends. If you aren't getting enough time and attention, then stick to that problem. Don't automatically lay the blame on the man having friends or a life-- that flatout doesn't play well when you look at it objectively. It really does work that the easiest place to go look, find answers and make changes is within. Ask yourself how to make yourself more appealing to him, then do it. Soften the tone. Ask him if you can spend more time together. Be specific but not demanding and see what he says to you inviting him to a picnic in the park or a dinner out and a long slow hand-holding walk. If you talk at all during that walk, make sure its soft, loving, supportive talk about how much you enjoy his company punctuated by squeezing his hand. Make the time he does have with you the kind of time that he would want more of..... see how that works?
Ladies your not going to like this but of all the things he could be doing, is it to much to ask if you could cut the guy some slack. Video games a couple of nights a week with his friend? I've been playing chess for 40 years and a 4 out of seven is 5 hours at least. Now if he ignored you the rest of the time okay I can see being mad. But if you want him home every night with no friends? Maybe you should chain him to the porch and walk him daily. How about sitting down and talking to him and come to a compromise where he doesn't feel he has to lie about where he goes and who he's with and what he's doing. Drop the ultimatum act though, truly a bad idea, now you got his back against the wall Oh no no. Just curious do you have things you enjoy? Does he forbid you from doing what you like with your girl friends? You do have girl friends I assume. And at 52 I'm still a big kid at heart, but my wife of 32 years compromises and takes the shackles off enough to keep this puppy happy. Communication, listening, and understanding go a long way to honesty and trust. Talk-- don't scream, ask-- don't demand.
I like it Tal LOL, I like it alot, especially that last line....and woudda rep'd ya but got the spread message instead.
What are the two of you doing four days? ... call the house of his friend if you are worried...do not use the cellphone...tell your husband he does not have to lie...then, ...go visit your friends ...go take a photography class, ceramic class, visit your church... say hey to your family...take cooking and wine classes...be careful cooking and wine classes are great for hook-ups...so stay focus... your problem is...you have not a thing to do...keep yourself busy...he will notice the change ...but first take care of yourself...
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