I need help! I need to know if I am being rediculous for worrying about this or if I have any real concerns...

I know that I am a jealous person by nature...I love my husband, and don't like him getting close with other women. He does have a few female friends from before we became married (about one year ago) and I am fine with them, because he includes me now in their relationship...I am worried about a present situation though.

My husband has a female friend who is single and 8 years younger than him. He texts her and sees her often at work. Lately they have been hanging out just the two of them, and when I told my husband that it bothered me, he was upset. He said that he saw her as a friend, and nothing more, and that I was being rediculous for worrying about something like that. I asked him to only see her on a professional level, and stop hanging out with her outside of work, and he became very upset. He couldn't believe that I would try to tell him who to hang out with.

Needless to say, he won the argument because he made me feel untrusting and controlling about his relationship with this girl. I try not to let them hanging out bother me, but it does. I also feel like he's acting differently lately...more distant with me...he says that's all in my head, and that I'm being silly. I feel like that if this relationship continues, that sooner or later it will not be just a "friendly" get-together. Am I crazy for thinking that this girl is going to fall for my husband? My husband said that if he noticed her acting in a "more than friend" way he would re-evaluate the friendship at that time, but honestly, unless she threw herself on him, I don't think he would be able to tell the difference.

Please help-am I overreacting and just being a selfish wife?

charlotte234s

He's married, he doesn't need to be texting some girl or hanging out with her, you have every right to be upset. Tell him that the relationship between him and this girl is inappropriate and you need him to cease contact with her outside of work situations, because it's just not okay. I wouldn't even allow my boyfriend just to "go out" and hang out alone with some girl, it's inappropriate. It's different if we're at a party and he talks to some girl for a minute, or if me and him go out to dinner and invite some of our friends, but alone time with some other girl? NOT okay. You have every right to be upset.

Altenweg

By not taking your concerns seriously he is disrespecting you and your marriage. This shouldn't be a difficult choice for him, if he loves you, and is committed to your marriage, then he will stop this "friendship" with the other girl. If he doesn't, then you do indeed have something to worry about. Why won't he stop seeing this girl if he knows how much it bothers you. How would he feel if the roles were reversed? He is no longer a single man, he has to realize this and stop this behavior immediately. Don't back down, and don't let him make you feel guilty, you are doing nothing wrong, you can't help the way you feel. Remember, were there is smoke there is fire. Trust your gut and go with it. Good luck.

mjl

I know some people will respond to this post by saying "well if you trust him, then you have nothing to worry about." Which they are correct, but in my opinion, you also have to consider the girl. Who knows what she is really up to. You can trust your husband all you want, but how much can you trust a total stranger who happens to be a women hanging out with your husband?
I agree 100% with charlotte's post. She is correct.

talaniman

I think your husband is crossing the boundaries, not by having a female friend, but in not introducing you, and appearing suspicious. In my house we know each others friends, and keep things within boundaries, but his behavior is not respectful, and not only should you be talking to her, but he should be moving in that direction, so you are not feeling as you do. You shouldn't be taking this, and being more proactive is a must. First ask to be introduced, and if that doesn't go well, bring him lunch at work, and introduce yourself. You will be treated by what you put up with, so don't just roll over, and let him do as he pleases.

s_cianci

I don't think you're overreacting or being a selfish wife. To me it really doesn't sound like this "friendship" is appropriate for your husband, being a married man. Ask him how would he like it if you carried on a similar friendship with a single man? Although he may not readily admit it, my guess is he wouldn't like it very much.

Fr_Chuck

He is crossing the lines, perhaps a few nights sleeping on the couch,

but the most seroius thing is that even after you asked him not to, he still does, that shows a total lack of respect for your feelings.
So go from asking to demanding he stop, if I ever was texting a girl, my wife would take my phone and smash it to 100 pieces.

charlotte234s

I agree with all of you, it's different to have friends of the opposite sex together, but it's not okay to have private friends of the opposite sex with whom you go out and spend a lot of time, and don't share your entire relationship with your significant other.. that's just ridiculous.

angelface08

I WOULD NOT TRUST THAT. YOUR HIS BEST FRIEND AND HE'S YOURS RIGHT??? OR,...NOT
I'D LEAVE HIM. YOU CAN MAKE IT ON YOUR OWN, YOU HAVE A JOB AND ARE HEALTHY. LIFE IS WAY TO SHORT TO FOLLOW A LIFE OF SOMONE ELSE AND WORRING.

angelface08

TRUST YOUR GUT FEELING. AND GO WITH IT. HE'S TRYING TO MAKE YOU FEEL THAT WAY SO HE CAN STILL DO HIS GIRLFRIEND THING ON THE SIDE. DON'T FALL FOR IT. STAND YOUR GROUND. ASK HIM IF IT'S OK FOR YOU TO DO THE SAME WITH A MAN?