My husband has a baby by another woman

SadWife · Apr 2, 2007, 12:36 PM

Help! After my husband confessed to an affair when he found out she was pregnant and was keeping the baby, I still decided to TRY to work things out. How should his communication with her be handled. Normally, after an affair the obvious is to cut all ties with the mistress, but in this case there is a child involved. Can anyone list some tips or boundaries for this type of situation. I am asking outsiders so I am sure I personally am not being unrealistic about what kinds of boudaries or rules should be set for dealing with this woman now that we can never be rid of her. BTW, she has written to me unbeknownst to my hubby, apologizing and justifying her actions etc. but this letter seemed more motivated by an intent to hur me futher than real remorse. She did also admit to still having stronge feelings as well has having real difficulties with getting over him etc. IF boundaries are not set, I will never trust him with her. She lives in another state and he is suppose to be going to visit "the baby" soon. But I am so scared of what may happen because I am not going. How can I deal with this....

Apr 3, 2008, 07:37 AM

Hearing these stories makes me want to cry even more..My husband and I have been together for 8 years and married 3. We recently moved from NYC to North Carolina..To make a long story stort we had problems beyond problems due to the transistion. My family lives here his does not..my husband had a affair and during this affair a a baby was created..He came clean immediately and told me the girl said she was pregnant by him..it has not been easy and I'am hurt beyond words..The girl decided to keep the baby and hope one day my husband will leave me..I say this because I read text messages and she loves him, from my understanding and his response he tells her he married he not leaving his wife and he just going to be there for his child..my husband is not a dead beat and I know he going to be there for his kid..however a selfish part of me want her to take her baby and go away..I'm trying hard to deal with it and I go through my own emotions..we talked and talked and he really needs my support right now..because he is truly sorry..How do I handle this without going into a rage at times..whenever I see a pregnant women I want to throw up because I keep thinking about this women..I don't totally blaim her because he married to me, but some days I want to wake up and it be a dream..I stand by him because I love him and I want her to see that we are united and no baby is going to break us up..My daughter loves her dad and everytime I see them together that is one of the reasons I'm still here..

Apr 4, 2008, 01:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sazon

I am i the same situation and also decided to try to work it out. Yes I feel stupid, crazy and all that but I love him and I know he loves me..... we have been married for 19 years and this the first time we have had to deal with anything like this and i hope the last, yes, i know one a cheater......

In my caseit is not proven that he is the father but there is a good chance he is. I am stuck between turning our backs on this child and doing what most would say is the right thing, until they are faced with it....they made the mistake i did not why should i have to deal with anything!!!!!!! wrong or right that is the question....i am hurt confused and in love

I too have been with my partner for 19 years., with 2 children. and we have just found out he MAY be the father to a child.. we are awaiting a DNA test.. This all came about after he went to a wedding out of town and said he had been persued by another female.. (happens all the time as he is good looking).. He ended up getting blind rotten drunk and didnt remember too much by the end of the night..
The next day he told me what had happened... how she followed him everywhere etc.. he then found out that she had helped herself to him whilst passed out... (still keep in mind he is telling me everything!!)
meanwhile alot of the things she was saying didnt add up..(shes a bit of a fruitloop).. she said she was pregnant and it was my partners..
This came about just after we had miscarried our child....So you can imagine how i felt.. I Love this man to death..and it is too hard to just say stuff the relationship...especially when you have children involved.. I am up and down with emotions at the moment one minute i want to hit him but in the next i want to hold him...then i think back to how he came straight out and told me what had happened.. As strange as it seems to alot of people.... the truth of the matter is that this woman raped him..some might think its funny but if it was reversed everyone would think it was true....The laws dont see this as being a matter of concern...the law just would like to see the welfare of the child being looked after..

Melime · May 16, 2008, 05:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SadWife

OMG! Finally someone who knows what I am going through. To many people, it is easy. "Just leave em!" But when you know that the situation was a huge mistake, granted people do stupid things (ie. no matter what age they are or how long they have been married) People do stupid things... I love him so much, yet I too am so devastated by this. Especially since we may not have our own because of my health issues. I really want to be with him, yet my heart dies everyday in this reality. Some days we are great then others I am an emotional mess and crying... It is tough but I didn't want to just give up! If it fails, at least I will know I am doing my best to be understanding and make it work. But I do know it takes two and I can't make it work by myself...He too will have to keep my feelings about this in mind and make the necassary udjustments and set boundaries etc. It is a very tough thing for any spouse to deal with but if we accept the cheating spouse back be are in a way saying we WILL deal with things even though we don't want to. But yes it is there responsibility to safeguard the marriage and always put the wife's feeling first. They agreed to stay with you so they are agreeing to deal with your emotional rollercaoster too. They need to understand that!

I'm going through the same problem...would love to talk with you...been going through this still for 5 years....sometimes i think i'm going out of my mind...i love my husband dearly and have been with him 23 years now...so if you wanna talk sometime please email me at [email address]



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