Husband had an affair with his best friend

N0help4u · Aug 21, 2009, 03:51 AM

He already ruined your marriage you are just allowing him to get away with it by choosing to live in denial. So in effect what you are doing is accepting that you would rather share him than do something about it.

LJDK · Aug 21, 2009, 06:32 AM

Confront him. Like Nohelp4u said, he already ruined it.

talaniman · Aug 21, 2009, 07:33 AM

Were you with him at the time? How did you find out about this affair?

I think you speak honestly to your husband, so you can both get through this. Can't be any worse than it is now, but you can keep your distance from this friend.

amicon · Aug 21, 2009, 07:39 AM

If you weren't with him at the time of their affair talk to him. If you were well Id say its ruined.

MsMewiththat · Aug 21, 2009, 08:44 AM

I pushed send to quickly on talaniman's rep. What I wanted to say is that you have to be honest with your husband and let him know how you feel. You will need to work on maybe getting to a better place with this friend so that you can have her in your life. They have moved on and she is looking to be married as well.

Rupali_K · Aug 25, 2009, 01:10 AM

Hi Talaniman,
We didn't knew each other at the time of their affair. I came to know about it couple of months back when I read some of their old conversations/messages. But his friends behaviour with me was not good right from start which made me think that there is something else out there.
I did talked to my husband regarding that indirectly like I asked him - 'whether at any time before was she interested in you?'. But he said there is nothing like that. But whenever we all meet (me, my husband and his friend) she tries to show that she has her right on my husband. Also I could sense that my husband has a very soft corner for her which hurts me.
I know that my husband loves me a lot. He knows that I hate her. But he is still in touch with her. And I don't want her in our life.

ChihuahuaMomma · Aug 25, 2009, 01:13 AM

It's not an affair unless he was with someone at the time, or she was with someone at the time.

If this makes you uncomfortable you need to talk to your husband about it, not us.

britEl · Aug 25, 2009, 01:55 AM

You HAVE to confront him. You must tell him how you feel or it is going to eat you up inside and ruin your marriage and love for each other slowly and painfully anyway! Maybe his friend is acting the way she is because she is jealous that you are with him and she is not. Tell him straight up to get rid of her because he is hurting you and your relationship with each other.

Gemini54 · Aug 25, 2009, 01:57 AM

If this happened when you were not together, and he's now with you then you may have to take a really really deep breath and let it go.

What is in the past should stay there - and it is you that is bringing it up. The relationship your husband had with his best friend is over and he has communicated to you that it is.

The idea of the relationship and her actions towards you can only distress and hurt you if you allow them to. You have a choice about how to respond.

You can allow it to eat at you and blame it for destroying your marriage or you can laugh about it and rejoice in the fact that you are with your husband and not her.

Why give her any power? She knows that you feel threatened and this gives her power. Even your hate gives her power - you would be far better off to cultivate indifference towards her - why should you care how she behaves towards you?

If your husband has a soft spot for her then you will just have to accept what you cannot change - remember that he's with you and treat her with the indifference she deserves.

Husband had an affair with his best friend

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