Husband caught cheating with his Cousin.

I've been off line for a while. Trying to get myself together. Been putting things away, getting ready to file, and do what I have to do in January. It's been very hard on me lately. The cousin has been calling me, telling me that what (they) are doing is between them, and to leave it alone. She's pregnant with husbands child. I've heard some of the messages she's left him. He's been sneaking around,giving her money, taking her out, and to Dr. appointments. It sickens me to think that a man I've been married to for 32 yrs, is capable of this. He's been promising the world, yet has these angry outburst,throws things, and yells for no reason at me. Well, this just makes me hate him more. I never thought I was capable of hating another human being. This has changed me forever. I dont' think I'll ever trust again. It's so hard, knowing that I'll be alone, but I know I must be strong and deal with it. He tells me to give him a chance! I'm letting him think he has a chance, because I'm going to file, and move. I joined a gym. My friend, is going to help me find a nice place for my dog. I love my dog so much. She's a large breed, and it's not fair to have her cooped up in an apartment. It's going to be very hard, but I know I need a fresh start. Only good things can come of this. Husband told me, once mine, always mine. He tells me that he knows he'll win me back. He actually took her with with him to work functions, and introduced her as his daughter. How sick is that? I just have so much to deal with. Knowing what lies ahead-terrifies me. I'm scared to be alone, yet, I welcome it at the same time. Does that make sense??

It makes total sense Franz. Everything you are feeling is totally understandable and normal. You are doing the right thing, you are being so strong. Don't give up. Your husband is a predator, he will push the bill to see what he can get away with. He gets pleasure taking her out in public, and pretending she's his daughter. Going back now would only reinforce his theory "once his always his".

It's really great to see how strong you are staying. It's going to be hard and there are going to be hurdles you will encounter, but it will only get better from here. He will never change, he will always be a predator. You on the other hand will continue to grow and change in a better way. You will become a better person and a person who cares for themselves enough to not let anyone treat them like crap.

I agree with Aurora completely.

What is worrysome though, is that you are planning to stay there until January. That is a long way off, and Christmas to get through.

Getting ready to file, and actually taking the steps, are two different things. You can have a separation agreement in place, and still remain in the house waiting out the time until an apartment is available. It is important that you protect your assets. Very important.

Every penny he spends on her, is half yours. If there are bank accounts, equity in the home, and all the other things considered in a separation agreement, it is time to get that in place.

Please see a lawyer, and get that ball rolling.

I would also consider a restraining order against the neice from contacting you. I doubt you would have any trouble securing that, and having her stop the phone calls and messages.

As to your husband, consider any abuse that leaves you in fear, as worthy of a 911 call.

That the two of them continue to control you in any way, means that you are not taking steps, or enough steps to secure your saftey, and your assets. A lawyer will get the ball rolling.

I don't want to see you as a sitting duck. For all you know, their plan is to drive you out of the house, so that she can move in.

Thank you both for your input. I told husband that I know your trying to make me leave, so that she can move in. I had to legally evict her, so she cannot go back into the home. I told him, you will never live here with her! I told him to leave. He wont. I contacted my brother, I'll be staying with him, if I dont find an apartment. Which is what I prefer. January isn't too far away. I will stand my ground, I'm leaving when I'm ready. I talked to my son, I'll be signing the house over to him. I told him, we'll talk to your dad, and get the house signed over to you. We always agreed that the house would be our son. I still use our. This makes me so sad. Iv'e heard so many messages she left him, and it just hurts so much. What a sick person I'm married to. But, this will change. I do see light at the end of the lonnnngggg tunnel. Yes, I agree I must meet with attorney, as I know he's been giving her a lot of money. He's even been looking at baby clothes in front of me. Thank you both for your support. I need it! I'm not close to my family, and I do need to vent from time to time. Thanks again!!!!!

Vent all you want to, there are some really wonderful people here to encourage you in getting through what lies ahead.

Many of us have lived through horror shows, just different versions.

Very happy you are making progress.

Please continue to come here and vent! There's always lots of ears here. Stay strong.

It's Thursday, haven't been online in a while. Emotions- lately I've been thinking about how I'm going to move forward with my life, and finally- I must honestly say that I'm ready. Before, I was scared to death of being along, but now, I actually feel at peace. Maybe, peace is not the correct word, but I'm feeling relief! It's so strange, all the feelings that are coming out. Changed my phone number, as I've had enough of being harassed by husbands cousin, and of being reminded of what has happened. (She's been calling me at work, and sending emails) Husband - well, same old bs. He wont talk to me about this, as I've told him many times that I have alot to say to him. He tells me, wait until we go to counseling. When I brought counseling up, he acts all stressed out. (I say brought -in past tense as I'm not doing counseling) Told my husband last night, about the phone number change, and that I'll be filing for divorce. Husband acts like nothing happened. I told him I don't love you anymore. It's over. He of course, was acting defensive. I told him, you are a sick person, a predator, and you need to get help with your problem. He said something to me, but I just walked away. We both have 2-weeks off, beginning next week. I'm going to see my attorney. I told husband, did you really think we were going to live happily every after? I know you're just waiting, and will start all over again. You have a problem. I told him your work, family, everyone will know about you! You know, I'm very angry, and at the way I feel now, I want to destroy him. Maybe these feelings will pass, but I've been a faithful, loyal, loving wife, and didn't deserve this. I'm sorry, but these are my true feelings.

Just be careful about wanting to destroy. These are negative feelings and may come back to bite you in the arse. Also, I am not sure what kind of man he is, but the idea of his friends and co-workers finding this out could be more detrimental than losing you. He could possibly act out in violence in attempt to keep his secrets safe.

The main thing here is staying positive to you. Allowing those negative feelings to overcome you, will make you bitter. You need to stay positive for you. Those kinds of feelings are like the plage, they take over and eat you up. Of course you are going to be mad and resentful, but you need to find a constructive outlet for them.

fran, I am SO proud of you. You are doing the right thing, and not a lot of women are as strong as you are being. Awesome work. Please keep us posted. You truly are a martyr for other women in similar situations!

Aurora: Thank you so much! You know, after I wrote that, I was thinking- what the heck am I doing??? I'm turning into an ugly peson. THANK YOU! This is not me!!!! I've always been such a nice person. This has really made me think. I must stay positive!!!!! Last night was a relief! I have so much more to say to husband. Even when I was telling husband my feelings last night, he didn't say a word. He was so quiet, until after, and I didn't hear what he said. -It was quite brief. I'm ready to move on. It's going to be a fight with the house, but he's in the wrong, so we'll see what happens. I also know he'll want the truck (I) pay for. I'm keeping the truck! I do want to stay in the house. It will be a struggle with bills, but I WILL BE HAPPY AND FREE OF A LYING, PREDATOR!

Anger IS a good emotion, that may just help motivate you to make positive changes.

After what you have gone through, and what you are about to face, being angry is understandable. I'm saying don't disregard the anger. It can easily change from a motivating force, to a destructive force, if you aren't keeping it in check.

Stick to the facts, focus, and plan so that you clearly see, and get what you are entitled to.

Take the anger out with a long power-walk, or writing out a diary, or venting- here- or with a girlfriend.

I would be calling the police about the harrassment from the cousin, and make a trip to file a restraining order to stop her.

I don't know when you are planning to see your Lawyer, but I hope it is soon. Many times one partner or the other is totally caught off guard when all the assets are put forth, only to discover maxed out lines of credit, credit cards, second mortgages, etc. This type of protection for you is essential, and extremely important. Particularly now that he knows the marriage is over- he has nothing to lose by maxing things out.

It is hard to separate the emotions from the situation at hand, as far as the assets go- particularly the house. This may sound harsh, but, deal with the aftermath and emotions, after you get yourself on financial footing. You will resolve little in that regard, until you are really free from him.

Keep posting!!