Oh my god. First of all, I wasn't sure if this is the right category to post my dilema, but I'm soooo glad I found this website.
Anyway I have a major crush on my husbands friend. I can't stop thinking of him. I go to the store hoping to run into him.
I know I told myself a million times that this is bad. Real Bad. But I'm so overwhelmed with feeling for this guy, it's making me sick.
I feel like a horrible, aweful, wicked person. I love my husband to death, I would never cheat on him, ever. We have a wonderful connection and relationship. And my husband is the best thing any of you guys could ever imagine. He has me on a pedestal. He treats me like I'm his queen. He works hard so I don't have too. He cleans, he cooks, he changes pampers, and does the dishes. Even serenades me with his guitar. He's my everything.
And what do I do to repay him. I crush on his friend.
What do I do? I can't help it.
It doesn't help either that his friend is always around. He works with my husband and they both hang out all the time. We have get togethers at my house with a lot of friends and we when me and him carry a conversation we learn more and more that we have so much in common. Tons of stuff we've done and things we like and don't like. So now he brings over movies he knows I'll like. Things like that. Real friendly guy.
When I go to return them or anything else he has lent us. He answers the door without his shirt. Real casual, like if I'm family. And he is a real stud muffin. Great shape and beautiful muscles.
Oh my god, I'm so horrible.
Does anyone know what to do? What can I do?
This is aweful.
I feel like #@$!
I love my husband, how do I stop this?
My dear!
i would really postpone it, after all, you've lived with it for such a long time - bear this a little longer.
IN THE MEANTIME:
see if you can make an appointment with a counsellor, to try and discuss this action (telling/ not telling) him.
i think you can get a LOT of help speaking with a professional face - to - face- because we can't really "talk" here. i think you need someone real to talk to, beside us here.
and write as much as you need, and we'll keep in touch.
bye,
millie
hello everyone,
just an update. I decided to let my husband know about my situation a few days ago. I would have never thought it would be so easy. I should've known I could tell him anything.
When I told him about it, his first question was if I was going to leave him. I love him more than I did before. His first reactions were not even anger or disappointment. Only if I was going to leave him.
I asked if he wanted to know, and he said No, not really. But if it made me feel better then I did the right thing.
Even now he still cares about my feelings.
Just yesterday he joked around to me before he left for work. Telling me "No cheating while I'm gone, I already kickass at work. Don't want to have to come home and do it." he thought he was so funny. But I know he got his point across.
I don't even know if I deserve him. He's special, one of a kind.
thanks for all your help any comments are appreciated.
I'm glad it's all working out for you. Honesty is truly the best policy in cases such as this. I know it must have been hard but it shows an amazing amount of trust in your relationship with your hubby that he's able to joke about it. I bet that this crush feeling will subside soon. I think that you've moved to a deeper stage with your hubby and exploring it will help to rediscover the things that you both may have taken for granted from each other. Take care and keep us posted. We're here for you.
Dont feel bad and you are not alone. Obviously if you had the choice you wouldnt have these thoughts because you surely love your husband and dont want to hurt him. I am in a similar situation. Been married 6 years to a great guy...we have 2 kids together. I am in still in love with an ex-lover from my past. I havent seen him in over 8 years but he is on my mind every single day. It is a horrible feeling when you know you cant have what you want. I dont want to break up my family but I think happiness for me is really with this other man. Maybe you and I both just think the grass is greener over there...or you know the saying "you want what you cant have". Either way, I am here to tell you that you arent alone. Good Luck!
There is nothing wrong with having feelings, and we all dream about what was, and what could have been, but when those feelings keep us from dealing with the reality of life then there is a problem. There is nothing wrong with talking to a professional or a trusted friend or even a spouse to shake us back to the real world so we don't do something stupid like act on those deep and sometimes far-fetched feelings and end up hurting ourselves or the ones we love. I think the posters here should be applauded for reaching out BEFORE they got carried away and I hope the advice of all of us helped keep thier feet on the ground
I am very greatful for all the advise. It never crossed my mind to tell my husband. NEVER!
And like Myth said, I think we are moving to a deeper stage in our relationship.
I do limit myself now from returning items, walking my hubby out cause I know his friends there, and I don't answer the phone if I know it will be him. I let my hubby do that. I feel in control now, especially now that I'm under the ever watchful eye. But I'm glad my husbands on my side with support and we're not against each other and angry. Which I really honestly thought we would be.
Thank God it's gonna be alright
Well before advisisng you, i must tell you that i am in a business of advising people in same matters as that of yours and i have seen a lot of such cases. I think u just have an infatuation with this guy and that is simply because you love ur husband too much. now this may sound a bit wierd but let me explain it. u said that this new guy is just like a revitalized version of ur husband. now i think that u are so much in love in with ur husband that u are completely connected spiritually connected with him and every thing that is related or belongs to him is dear to you. so one cannot complain about a complete alive man who , according to u, is a younger version of ur husband. now telling ur husband the whole story may worsen the situation. some people may say that he loves u and would understand ur position. but think it like this, ur husband loves u like hell and eventually u repay him with a crush on his friend. he may not get angry and might react quietly but i this way u would loose his trust. now in order to solve this problem there is no need to ignore him. the more u do that, the more u would think about him. that would be more painful. a better way is to get involved in ur family matters, visit ur church/mosque regularly, try to find rather a good friend ini this guy, if u have a kid think about him and think how u would have reacted if ur husband had acted the same way.
Wow, that was really great advise. I have actually started going back to church recently. That was a good idea. But yes he is a lot like my husband. I think they both know it too. That's why they refer to each other as brother and hang out a lot.
But sorry to say; I have already told my hubby. We actually spoke about it again today before he left for work. I asked him if he was upset with me at all and he said No (with a big fat smile). He said I don't care if you have a crush on anyone just as long as you don't cheat on me. Then he said and I know and trust you enough to know you won't. I hugged him and told him he was right.
Later I'm sure me and that other guy will become great mutual friends. Like I said we have lots of the same interests and he treats us like family.
For now though I think it is best for me to stay away a while. I'm getting super busy with my babies baptismal and 1 year birthday party in June. So I have a lot on my mind anyway.
thanks grammarian
Oh and demonspeeding. Now you know why I felt so guilty. But I think my hubby is the right one for me.
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