Hello dear,
i think there are several keys to your specific situation:
one of them is:
[quote=lovely mmt].' And my husband is the best thing any of you guys could ever imagine. He has me on a pedestal. He treats me like I'm his queen. "
I think he does so much for you, that you seem not to be able to put any effort to sustain your marriage, and add your touch to it... it's not that you don't wish to do it, it's just you can't seem to find any role for yourself - he does everything.
more than that:
"He works hard so I don't have too. He cleans, he cooks, he changes pampers, and does the dishes."
So, you might be even slightly bored?
i think it's really healthy, in every situation, to be busy, to have a role. the moment you have a role, a task, something you're in charge of, it makes you important, gives you some kind of significance, you feel others might notice your contribution - you feel PART of this whole thing, you BELONG!
do you, maybe miss that - being needed?
than you add:
"Even serenades me with his guitar. He's my everything.
And what do I do to repay him."
o.k., so how do you?
i'm NOT criticizing - your crush happens so often! it just does, but it has nothing to do with our lives -we have to learn to put these things aside. they are not our real life, just fantasy world.
BUT: in your question, you might hint to more than this self-reproach - i think that if you look deep down, you'll find out just what i've said: that you have this need to do something for him, and you just can't find WHAT.
" He works with my husband and they both hang out all the time. "
if they spend so much time together, you might find excuses for spending some time without him.
' when me and him carry a conversation we learn more and more that we have so much in common. Tons of stuff we've done and things we like and don't like.'
you have a crush on this guy, so you seem to notice the things you have in common with him, more than you might notice things you have in common with other people! the things you have in common, sort of blow up out of proportion.
" So now he brings over movies he knows I'll like. Things like that. Real friendly guy."
or is he? is he just friendly, or has he sensed your feelings and plays with them?
this question is even more relevant after i've read your next lines:
'When I go to return them or anything else he has lent us. He answers the door without his shirt. Real casual, like if I'm family. And he is a real stud muffin. Great shape and beautiful muscles. "
don't be so hard with yourself -this is not what's going to solve your problem.
just TRY to look at it from some more different angles, and try to see how many of the things you seem to find are really there - you might find out that at least some of them clash with reality.
i looks like YOU'VE found someone to put on a pedestal.
you know, there's no healthy relationship with any of the partners on a pedestal - we are all real people, with faults, merits, mistakes, achievements - you name it.
there is something i don't understand: in your other post you say:
"How do I stay away if he's always around with my husband. I cook for these guys. I pick up their mail when they're at work. We're like a big family."
so are you doing things only for BOTH of them, but you have nothing you do specifically for your husband?
because if the answer is yes, than it agrees with the fact that you
feel like you lack a role in your husbands life.
the first thing i would try, is to see him in a more realistic way,
and like it has been already said by others, find his faults as well, really LOOK for them!
and next, try to spend some more time with our husband
alone, try to learn MORE ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND - so that you'll find things you can do for HIM and feel that you have an important role in his life, and not only an important place in his heart.
spending more time only with your husband, will haelp you build that special bond : intimacy.
i hope it helped, and if only a little.
take good care of your life,
millie
p.s. - i apologize it's THAT long!
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