Hello,

I'm new to this message board but I'm so glad I found it. I need help but first let me tell you more and I'll do my best to be brief.

I'm mostly happily married for 17 years and have two kids. I adore my hubby except for one thing -- a battle with a porn addiction. I didn't know he had this addiction before we were married and frankly if I had -- I probably wouldn't have gotten married. I first knew something was not quite right when our sex life dropped off after the first three months and was no more than hit and miss after that. Over the years I begged, whined and pleaded for us to have a normal sex life but he'd lash out at me and tell me many reasons -- all my fault. He used my weight (5Ď 2Ď - 136 lbs.), my body type and many other really hurtful things so I'd stop asking. I started catching him doing porn and masturbating -- I was stunned at this because it didnít make any sense to me. Finally I had enough and told him that I didn't sign up of a celibate life. His answer? Go get what I needed from someone else as long as I came back to him. What?? That was a deal breaker for me -- I'm not breaking the laws of God for anybody besides -- what normal guy would say that?

I told him that either we get help for his porn problems and get a healthy sex life or I wanted a divorce. That got his attention and we went to counseling -- yeah! After two or three months, hubby told both Dr. B and I that he realized what he'd been doing was wrong and that he had no intention of hurting me to get what he wanted. The following Monday, I got a call from hubby -- I had to go pick him up from work because he'd been suspended. His boss had found the porn on his work computer and she caught him masturbating at work!! A nineteen year career down the dumper and he had to attend a hearing to see if they would take him back.

I wanted to kill him -- not really but the sense of betrayal was so great! He didn't just dupe me but also Dr. B -- this guy had been in practice for 27 years! I mean he's such good lier -- his job required him to go to a different counselor -- an addiction specialist. In a nutshell -- she tried to blame his problems on me and a mother complex?? Oh this really didn't help us at all and it really ticked me off! He was doing this since he was little because his dad displayed porno all over the house -- he thinks it was good for his kids!!

Fast forward to two days ago and my daughter and I came home a lot earlier than we'd planned and guess who was at the family computer (ewwwww!) going at it. I got our daughter out of the house before she noticed her dad dashing to the bathroom. Again the ďIím sorry - I wonít do it againĒ but I canít buy that. I want stability for the rest of our lives and not look over my shoulder to see what heís doing. Not to mention the escalation that seems to go with this rotten addiction.

Help! I need someone to talk to. Iím so confused and I donít know what to do. I really donít want a divorce but I canít take the sneaking around and Iíd like to have a healthy sex life. Any ideas? Any suggestions? Please talk to me -- I canít talk to my family about this and his family would only say heís just doing what a guy needs to do!

Chebba709