At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them
answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in
answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you
will be able to:
Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+
topics.
Hi. I am new here. I like this site so far. My name is actlikemywife because that is my husbands saying as I act inappropriately according to him. I do love him, but never can fix him. Here's why:
I have tried everything from reassurance to hysteria to counselling to separation to reconciliation. I am worn out. I am irritated (the few days he is home) by assumptions, jealous outbursts, to the point where I know I am being gaslighted and his projections are just diversions so he could go party without guilt. I am constantly defending myself. It is endless, exhausting and humiliating and escalates to him leaving for weeks at a time, saying I "threw him out." When he turns back up, everything I did to survive while he was gone is "manipulating behind his back." Today I was accused loudly in public of having a boyfriend (because I wanted to go rake leaves without him.)
Crazy making stuff, huh?: "Where were you? Why did it take you 7.59 kilominutes to get here? Did you stop and meet your boyfriend? Let me see your cell phone. How did you spend your money...are you on drugs?" No, but I definitely am on trial, not in a a relationship thats going to last. Maybe there is a tiny nanofraction of truth in some of what is said; the WAY it is said it is so overwhelming to my self esteem to think my partner would even bother to aggravate me with ongoing ridiculousness, I have been patient with it, I feel the urge to break out of "jail" and run like hell. Yesterday, I asked for a divorce. I really dont want a divorce. Would just like to know how some of you might respond?
As just about anyone on this web can tell you I rarely advocate separation or divorce. However in your situation for your own mental and physical safety it is time for one of you to go.
He won't for sure because he sees or is trying to make you the offender. When it is safe for you to leave take what's most valuable to you and scoot.
Visit an attorney and file for a protective order and divorce. There is not one earthly reason for you to stay and continue to be the target of abuse, warranted or unwarranted.
Hi. I am new here. I like this site so far. My name is actlikemywife because that is my husbands saying as I act inappropriately according to him. I do love him, but never can fix him. Here's why:
I have tried everything from reassurance to hysteria to counselling to separation to reconciliation. I am worn out. I am irritated (the few days he is home) by assumptions, jealous outbursts, to the point where I know I am being gaslighted and his projections are just diversions so he could go party without guilt. I am constantly defending myself. It is endless, exhausting and humiliating and escalates to him leaving for weeks at a time, saying I "threw him out." When he turns back up, everything I did to survive while he was gone is "manipulating behind his back." Today I was accused loudly in public of having a boyfriend (because I wanted to go rake leaves without him.)
Crazy making stuff, huh?: "Where were you? Why did it take you 7.59 kilominutes to get here? Did you stop and meet your boyfriend? Let me see your cell phone. How did you spend your money...are you on drugs?" No, but I definitely am on trial, not in a a relationship thats going to last. Maybe there is a tiny nanofraction of truth in some of what is said; the WAY it is said it is so overwhelming to my self esteem to think my partner would even bother to aggravate me with ongoing ridiculousness, I have been patient with it, I feel the urge to break out of "jail" and run like hell. Yesterday, I asked for a divorce. I really dont want a divorce. Would just like to know how some of you might respond?
Now for the other perspective.
I'm a guy. And when I was newly wed, I was fraught with insecurity. My wife worked, I was constantly worried about the other guys hitting on her and my imagination just went nuts.
So? How did I change? I turned my life to God. In doing so, I realized that I couldn't be everywhere at once and if my wife decided to leave me or whatever, I still had someone who loved me. God.
It almost sounds as though I gave up huh? Well, I did. I put my marriage in God's hands. If I had continued on my silly immature ways, I would certainly have driven my wife to divorce as apparently your husband is driving you.
So, assuming that you once thought this guy was worth your giving your life for and assuming that he truly loves you and is not simply making excuses to get away and party. If you still think so, and if you both consider your marriage worth fighting for, I recommend this book:
[quote=De Maria]
So? How did I change? I turned my life to God. In doing so, I realized that I couldn't be everywhere at once and if my wife decided to leave me or whatever, I still had someone who loved me. God.
After I posted this, I found 3 condoms in with my husbands tools. He said they were there. Of course he did not know where they came from. I am glad you changed your life, but the significance is you made a change. I have bent over backward and am tired of living with guilt based upon my religious upbringing (please I mean no offense here) that is keeping me stuck with losers who are BAD BAD BAD for me and my kids. He obviously had INTENT at the very least, so he is accusing ME based upon how HE operates, you see. I am very depressed again for the moment... Intuitively I KNOW that I have been used in a big way....I believe for money. I wish you well and thank you for your reply. If you are good at prayer please pray I find a steady job, since I am now paying lots of bills alone. Stupid me, thought my husband might help, but guess I shouldnt presume things. I have tried so hard to be a good wife. I just dont get why I am destined to be alone. Thank you again.
I have tried so hard to be a good wife. I just dont get why I am destined to be alone. Thank you again.
I believe you, and am sorry you made the wrong choice. You deserve a good husband, and he is not one. It may seem you'll be alone forever, but my experience tells me once you get away from his influence, and start working for your own happiness, you will find a better person to share that happiness with. Trust yourself, and love yourself, enough to do what it takes to make your freedom happy, and feel better about yourself, so you can make better choices. You can do this.
The way I'd respond is, I would want the divorce and insist on it. I'd pack up, leave, then file for a divorce. He is subjecting you to continual verbal and emotional abuse and you should not continue to tolerate it from him.
I have tried so hard to be a good wife. I just dont get why I am destined to be alone. Thank you again.
Linear Mode
