I'm married and not really attracted to my husband anymore. I care for him but I don't feel like I'm in love with him anymore. I don't want to hurt his feelings and I have been faithful our entire marriage and even when we dated for 6 years. For 3 years I have had this crush on this younger guy and I want to be around him or talk to him all the time. I hate feeling this way but I just can't seem to shake it...like eventually we're supposed to be together. He lives far away so I hardly ever see him. We communicate occasionally on facebook messages and that is all. I found out recently, when I spent some time with him and his friend (from his friend) that he would consider sleeping with me if I wasn't married which really surprised me because I thought I was too old for him even to consider that. I really wish I could just be friends with him, but everytime I think of him I get HUGE butterflies. I really feel like I'm in love with this guy, which is absolutely ridiculous. And it's not like he is overly attractive in anyway, my friends don't understand my crush and neither does my mom or my husband. My husband thinks the crush is over and doesn't know how strong my feelings are. I feel like maybe a kiss would put everything into perspective for me and then I can get on with my marriage. HELP!
klizzy
Have you considered cutting all ties with this total stranger? Crushes are temporary and your husband has made a commitment to you.
I've been on the internet long enough to know that people get crushes on screen names.
If you can't handle the feelings, you need to get away from facebook messages.
Marriage is not about feeling butterflies in your stomach. It is about something more important than that.
If you really are not happy with your husband, get a divorce. Why make him think you care about him.? Why use him?
If you don't want your marriage to be jeaopardized, stay away from other men. (You come accross as too weak to handle being around other men so just stay away from them.)
First the old saying the grass always look greener, and this person or friend has no business even mentioning they would sleep with you. This would be out of line and shows more. If for example he would say that ( which means he really would anyway) then he most likely would cheat on you to when another girl caught his eye.
It sounds like you need marriage couseling, to find that spark back in your marriage, and commitment.
I totally agree with Dana2007, very well said!
You made vows for a reason, why not keep them. If your not happy in your marriage then get a divorce, but don't pretend you love him if you actually love someone else. I'm sure your husband doesn't deserve that.
If you want to keep your marriage than cut the contact with this guy. You will not lead a happy marriage with this guy on the side.
Just a thought... this guy knows you are married and is willing to have an affair with you. What if you left your husband for this man and this man ended up cheating on you with another women. Afterall, he's all for affairs right?
I have seen women throw away their wonderful and terrific and loving and hard working husbands for another man and then they BEG AND BEG AND BEG to come back, but it is too late because another smarter woman has already swooped him up and were engaged and soon afterwards married.
The ex wife ends up practically on the street homeless and with no money or living on welfare and alone.
klizzy
Have you considered cutting all ties with this total stranger? Crushes are temporary and your husband has made a commitment to you.
I've been on the internet long enough to know that people get crushes on screen names.
If you can't handle the feelings, you need to get away from facebook messages.
Marriage is not about feeling butterflies in your stomach. It is about something more important than that.
If you really are not happy with your husband, get a divorce. Why make him think you care about him.? Why use him?
If you don't want your marriage to be jeaopardized, stay away from other men. (You come accross as too weak to handle being around other men so just stay away from them.)
First of all, I didn't meet him on the internet and I don't have a crush on a screen name, he's a real person whom I've met several times. I don't think I'm using my husband, marriage is more complicated than that. Perhaps after over 15 yrs of marriage I'm realizing he's not the one for me. And as for being weak to handle being around other men, that's not true at all ! What do you mean by that? Very sarcastic and rude in my opinion and not very practical is it? Thanks for no help at all.
First the old saying the grass always look greener, and this person or friend has no business even mentioning they would sleep with you. This would be out of line and shows more. If for example he would say that ( which means he really would anyway) then he most likely would cheat on you to when another girl caught his eye.
It sounds like you need marriage couseling, to find that spark back in your marriage, and commitment.
I think your last statement is very accurate, but we tried counselling and he no longer wants to go. He thinks were fine. He says he loves me more than anything but it seems obsessive and controlling, but I guess what I'm seeing here as no one can really help me but myself. I have to figure it out what is best for me and my 3 amazing children.
Thank you Dana2007 I appreciate that and I have not made any decisions where "the other man" is concerned. I guess it seems you think I already have which is not true. I can't seem to shake how I feel.
If you put as much time, and effort, into your marriage ,as you do with this other guy, then I think you can make progress, or at least get a resolution to your feelings and problems. Do you really think your kids can benefit by you making your husbanda part time dad?? Come on and be realistic, this is a test of your marriage where you must be honest and work together and without communications and COMMITMENT, this can not happen. I think yout poisoning the process as you are way over the line of a crush, and need to get busy at home and get rid of this extra person. Me, If my wife was talking as you do she would be out of my life real quick, and he may feel the same as me, but you have to at least talk, as this is about both of you, not just you. Hope you get a grip on reality, and cope with it, in a healthy manner. If he wont go to counseling with you, then you go alone.
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