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My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. We started dating when I was in the
10th grade. We had to split up for a little while because my parents hated him. But we always seemed to find each other again so the first two years of our relationship was an on again off again relationship. After I turned 18 we started dating steady again. And my parents grew to like him. We had a little girl in 2005, and decided to move in together. We lived together for a little while, and then he got custody of his daughter (who then was 5, now she is almost 8). I wanted to marry him then, but he always said that we didn't have the money, and he wanted to make sure he could take care of all of us. I told him that it was a little to late to make sure he could take care of all of us. he should of thought about that BEFORE he had kids. (RIGHT!?) Anyways, about a year later my aunt gave me a whole bunch of stuff for my wedding from her job, when ever I get married. And he went and told my mom that I was pressering him into marriage, and that he wasn't ready. And now in Feb. of 2008, we had a baby boy. Now that my family is complete with 2 girls and 1 boy. I want to get married. he has asked me in the past, but it always sounded like a joke. Because he would just say " Okay, you want to get married? Let's go." And he knows that I am a traditional girl, you know with a proposal, and a wedding. I don't want a big one, just a small one. But I can't get any!! Help, what can I do? I know he loves me and we will be together for the rest of our lives. But I want more than just a boyfriend/girlfriend title. I don't want to introduce our family as " This is my BOYFRIEND, HIS daughter, and OUR 2 kids." I want to introduce our family as "This is my HUSBAND and OUR 3 kids." Somebody help me, please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
youve perhaps rejected him. so his proposal wasnt the knee on the floor variety. im ten years into a relationship, eight years into a marriage, and our "proposal" was more like "so when are we getting married?"...
no... there werent cherubs flying around, no big drama. so what?
so... two issues bother me. he's thrown it out there and youve rejected it because it wasnt to your standards.
likewise, you cant criticise him about having money and kids, when you were sleeping with him, just as he was with you. you knew what sex could lead to... you dont get to imply hes being a jerk when you are willing to sleep with a man that you arent married to. it was your choice too.
so what now? time to talk it out openly. if, after several years together, you both cant be on the same page and talk about this... then you dont belong together. period.
it might not be what you want to hear... but a marriage that isnt founded on both people being on the same planet is a marriage that wont last, kids or not.
honestly, i am concerned that you arent on the same page.
i do understand that some people want the "prince charming" ideal... "perfect" proposal and all... but sometimes the reality can be more than adequate, even if it isnt worth a storybook ending.
and im not going to guarantee anything, especially with a young relationship.
i will state talking openly about this is the best thing for all... if it means you both choose to step forward, great. if it means you come to a wall you cannot agree on, then you know the reality.
he shouldnt be pressured into marrying if he isnt ready. you shouldnt feel bad about wanting a husband, a partner, and a father to be present. time to figure out if you both are on the same page, just speaking different languages.
I'm sorry that you disagree with me, however, I'll stick to previous comments.
Your boyfriend and father of three has clearly avoided marriage for how long now, 7 years. Factor in the 3 children and dollars to donuts, he sees no real need to be married so, why bother.
Let me inject some common sense here. Why after seven years of living together has he not dragged you kicking and screaming to the altar?
Because you've been putting pressure on him to marry you! Now there's an answer for you. Little you is putting so much pressure on him that he has to run to your mommy and tells her you need to stop pressuring him.
Sit his fanny down and ask him point blank why he does not want to marry you. Let me know what he says. Also, I a little curious as to why you would want to marry someone who doesn't seem to share the same feeling as you do.
addyriley disagrees: He has said to me before that he wanted to get married, but I thought he was just kidding around because of the way he said it.
please note that disagrees are intended to be for factually incorrect posts, tho they can be used in differences of opinion as well. if you disagree with everyone on the site who has a differing opinion, well... then you arent really getting the benefit of a public forum.
this isnt about pats on the back. hearing things you dont like is a part of getting a reality check.
and when you yourself arent sure hes going to marry you, how can you chastise a member for asking you to point to a solid representation of your bf's intent? you yourself presented it as if you didnt believe it.
so please, restrain yourself on the disagree button. you are new to the site, but throwing disagrees around so easily will quickly make nobody want to post, help, or spend time on you.
This again reminds me of the old saying, Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free! Sorry Hunny, but you have put yourself in a position of giving him what he wants for free. By that I mean all the sex and none of the responsibilities of marriage.
donf,
Thank you for the advice, about the disagreeing, I just didn't understand what you were trying to say to me. I will talk to him. I think that is the best way to figure out what i don't understand. Thanks Again
kp2171,
I don't think I was pressuring him into marring me I was bring stuff home that was given to me. Although, I do see how he could see that as pressuring him. I will sit down with him and figure out if we both want the same thing. I feel that he does he just doesn't know how to tell me. Thanks again for your advice
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