It's as simple as that - why won't he marry me? He wanted to marry the last girl he was with, but she ended their engagement after they were together for 7 years. He said it was mutual . . . but regardless. Now he's with me, and besides the fact that I think I'm perfectly worthy as an individual, I'm younger, and I'm hotter and smarter and everything! Why the hell wouldn't he want me????? I don't get it, and I'm beginning to think that maybe it's just not something he wants, even though he won't admit it. How long should I wait? I've been living with him for two years, and he says that when the times are right (financially) that he will want to marry me. I don't care about a big wedding . . . so I don't see why this would be a big deal to him? He doesn't even believe in weddings so I know he doesn't care about how big it is. What lies? does anybody have an answer for me? As great of a guy as he is, how long does a girl wait???? I'm like a wife, but with no security . . and no commitment. I could easily afford to live on my own, I just don't know if I should give up on him yet. Help!!!!!!!

ISneezeFunny

Well...technically, as a rule for me, I don't think I'd ever ask a girl to marry me until dating for about 2 - 3 years...my last ex, her crazy came out after 3.5 years.

Also, if his last fiance ended their engagement, I'm sure he has the whole stigma of "what's the rush?" and the "trust" issue because to be frank, if she ended it after 7 years, who's to say you won't? I'm not saying that you won't, but you gotta take it from his side.

Also, you said that you're "like a wife"...so he technically has no "reason" to ask you to marry him.

Do you know if he wants to actually get married in the end and have a family, etc? If that's the case, give him some time to get his stuff together...don't rush...don't pressure him. If you feel like there's no future at all with him, then I suggest you move on.

Fr_Chuck

Well first, he is living with you, so why does he need to marry you, There is no motivation, no reason why going back that road will do anything for him.

next who cares if you are older, fatter and crippled, if he loves you, and wants to be with you, all of the looks, being hot don'e mean anything, to a person in love, the one they love is all of them things even if the rest of the world does not see it.

But the fact he was hurt and treated bad in the last relationship over marriage is most likely the reason. But to be honest alot of couples who decide to just shack up often find it an issue when one decides they need to be married, and the other is just happy the way things are.

JBeaucaire

Why pay someone a "chef's salary" when they cook free for you every day? You've created an untenable situation here, so you really gain nothing by despairing over it. This is the bus you chose to get on, so enjoy the ride or get off.

There are a lot of versions of "getting off the bus", too, but they all start with getting off the bus. Once you are out and back living as an actual individual, whether you start completely over again with someone else or continue this courting relationship is up to you.

If you want to be a girlfriend who gets promoted to wife, stop acting like a mistress. Go back to acting like a girlfriend. Girlfriends are not 100% available to boyfriends in every way at all times, nor are they "guaranteed companions"...they are just the committed forerunner. You want him to "want" you....give him something to want. Right now he has it all.

Get off the bus. Choose the next one smartly.

WFG

I'd like to add that while you might be perfectly excellent for marriage by the criteria you gave, a desire to marry is sometimes, perhaps often, felt internally. To be perfect on paper doesn't mean the necessary chemistry is there.

posey_84

woah, i think u should read ur post back to yourself. i dont mean to offend you but you come across as needy and no guy likes that. two years is not a long time to be together, you should still be enjoying being aroud each other and going out toether and with friends not worrying about getting a ring on your finger. Also if you went through what he did with his ex would u be a fan of the whole marriage thing?I really think you just need to give him time and space and just enjoy being together for now.

Altenweg

I will just add. Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?

JBeaucaire

I disagree with Posey, two years is actually the perfect time for a girlfriend to expect to be getting a promotion to wife. But only if she's still a girlfriend. You aren't.

By moving in together, you resigned your girlfriend status completely and became mistress/roommate/compatriot/common-law-wife. The chances of becoming a wife in a timely manner was reduced 10-fold by this decision. That's just the way it is.

You'll have to back track a lot if you want to give him something to strive for with you, or start over again with someone else.