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How to deal with needy men

Asked Jun 3, 2010, 12:44 PM — 3 Answers
I am married to an extremely needy man. We are on the verge of divorce right now. My issue's lie with his constant neediness. I think it has totally turned me off from him. I love him but his demands on a daily basis are unrealistic to say the least. He needs up to 4 compliments daily, tons of affection (which I don't mind giving if there weren't conditions behind them). I think after I had children with him and grew up myself I just couldn't take it anymore. I still don't know if I can with everything else going on with the kids and house etc of which he does not help at all because I am not fulfilling his needs. I do love him but he doesn't understand my need for him to back off. What can I do to get along with him to make this work or is it just to far gone? I have never been in a relationship of this nature. We have been married 14 years and I am TIRED.

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JudyKayTee's Avatar
JudyKayTee Posts: 35,657, Reputation: 20209
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#2

Jun 3, 2010, 12:47 PM
I'd be tired, too! Have you tried counselling? Do you have any idea why he is so insecure? Have you talked to him about it?

Sometimes, when children are involved, men feel like they are in second place and need to know they are still important - might that be the problem?

I probably compliment my husband at least 4 times a day, for the little things, because he does make an effort and is attentive (for lack of a better word). Sounds like you are trying to fill a well which simply can't be filled.
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Cat1864's Avatar
Cat1864 Posts: 5,814, Reputation: 14525
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#3

Jun 3, 2010, 02:50 PM


Quote:
Originally Posted by alixp View Post
He needs up to 4 compliments daily, tons of affection (which I don't mind giving if there weren't conditions behind them).
What do you mean by 'conditions behind them'? Are you referring to his 'need' for the compliments and affection or his behavior if he doesn't get them?

It sounds to me like he isn't as needy as he is controlling. He has made it to where you take care of everything including him and it's your fault he doesn't do anything. That is an immature little boy not a husband and a man. You shouldn't have to raise your husband.

Counseling sounds like a good place to be open with him about your needs that are being neglected because of his demands. He needs help before it affects your children any more than it already has.
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jmjoseph's Avatar
jmjoseph Posts: 2,727, Reputation: 6282
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#4

Jun 3, 2010, 03:00 PM
My wife compliments me all day, every day. Simply by being my wife. That's all I need.

Are you willing to try counseling?

Is he the type of guy that will EVER change?

You said "extremely".

Extremely anything is hard to cure .
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