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sara122 · Oct 9, 2010, 08:46 AM

I'm married for 2 months. After having long affair I marry him.when we were having affair that time also he cheated with me with his ex. I forgave him that time.. recently I have found that he is using lots of id but when I asked him he said he forgot the password. I know he is cheating with me. I don't know how to deal with this. I always try to give him my best. Love him lot. I guess I don't deserve this. I can't share this with anyone.I know if I want I can cheat with him but I really don't thing this is an good idea. I don't know why god is giving me this punishment.can you give me some idea?

donf · Oct 9, 2010, 01:23 PM

Okay, please let me understand this situation.

You met your current husband while he was married. You had an affair with him and during this affair with him he cheated on you. Eventually he dumped his wife and then married you, correct?

Exactly, what did he do in the above situations to make you think you could trust him?

Think about this now?

Cat1864 · Oct 9, 2010, 02:26 PM

I think this has more to do with personal choices than anything else.

-You chose to become involved with a man who was in a relationship.
-He chose to leave her.
-You both chose to be involved with each other.
-He chose to cheat on you with his ex.
-You chose to forgive him and then chose to marry him. Thereby telling him that there are no consequences to cheating and lying.
-He chose to continue to behave as he did before marriage.

At least, you have made one very good choice-not to cheat.

Now, you can choose:
-to stay with him and let him continue to play his games.
-try marriage counseling and see if he there is an extremely slim chance he might be willing to change and work on the marriage.
-leave or kick him out and divorce him. You might think about looking into annulment.

When you make this choice, keep in mind that you cannot make him change. He has to want to do so himself and be willing to put in the work that it takes to make the changes last and to rebuild the damaged trust. You have to be willing to try to trust him and work with him to build a healthy relationship.

IF you leave and divorce, do not jump into another relationship and do not get involved with anyone already involved with someone else. Learn from this relationship what you don't want in the next one.

talaniman · Oct 9, 2010, 07:52 PM

I think you should separate the facts, from the fiction and feelings. Feeling he is cheating, and knowing it for a fact, are two different things.