At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them
answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in
answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you
will be able to:
Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+
topics.
I really shouldn't be talking about this and I know I am not perfect by any means but, my husband and I got in a really heated discussion last night that ended up an argument, I was so mad and hurt I slapped him. It was provoked by me and I probably deserved it...usually I walk away but the kids where not home (I never argue in front of them - I know the emotional destructiveness this is for my children as I grew up in an abusive house hold and alcoholism) and I just got so sick of stuff being said and done. He threw me on the tile and kicked me numerous times in the ribs and head and he choked me out on my neck by pressing his foot down on it. I have old back injuries that feel like they came back and bruises all over my arms, legs, ribs and the top of the nose (between the eyes) where he punched me...not broken. He has done this to me while we where first married and I called the police...he was charged. I didn't want to call the police last night because honestly. I don't want social services involved. My kids are by no means neglected or abused (emotionally, physically or otherwise) because I know the effects in adulthood and I am still in an emotionally abusive relationship with my parents. He has maintained so much control over my social life that I honestly have three friends...only thing is I am there for them and they are not there for me. I have always been self-reliant and self-sufficient; emotionally stubborn and the ability to get up, dust my self off and walk - we where taught to fight for survival and survive in the hardest of circumstances. I am scared of the future of everything. Everything about him is great except for his raging temper...usually he takes it out on the house...I woke up to the coffee table across the house, glass smashed up, downstairs in the basement he broke everything. I don't want to be my mother...we have been through so much crap in our marriage...I don't know if there is anything worth fighting for? I slept in my daughters room last night...I think I might for a while, he needs help and I need help because I am tired of making up excuses. He cleaned everything this morning but it doesn't help how I feel...we have not said a word to eachother today...is there anything to say?
I rarely tell anyone to leave a relationship, because I think most people (including myself) usually take the easy way out.
Having said that I believe that in the end there are 3 ligitimate reasons for divorce
A-abuse
A-addiction
A-Adultery
I have been in that exact situation and I tried to fix it. But in the end, I did leave. I could not let go of the damage done that day. After I left he got help for his anger, and is medicated, but as long as I stayed he was not willing to deal with it.
On the other hand, I have seen two couples who have made it through this situation together with intense counseling, including therapy groups for him. But if he does not acknowledge how serious it is... it is usually not a one time deal.
After sometime has gone by I started remembering what actually happened. It isn't what I said...when I woke up that next morning I thought I knew what happened but I was wrong just like I have been about A LOT of things with my relationships "all" relationships - which where failing all around me because I was unhappy with everything and everyone - that is the truth and by far the biggest obstacle I have had yet to face in my new personal development awareness. The kids where gone, we had a few drinks and I drank way too much (because I don't drink in the first place and am mildly allergic). I started telling him off about porn (because I have issues with it and with everyone and everything!!!) and I got in his face, he pushed me away from him and I lost my balance and fell, I actually hit the bottom of one of the stairs...he went in the basement and stayed down there until I got up and made it to bed. I pee when I cough (which keegles has now stopped - gratefully) - I was getting sick in addition to that...I ended up getting strep couple of days after. Which would made sense with the body aches and pains...though falling on the floor at 170 pounds and body not in the best shape. I had foggy headaches, aches and pains, shivers, weakness, really sore throat and restricted chest then later developed fever and coughing...after having to use a pad to stop wetting I went to yoga and worked on keegles because it was the grossest thing to cough and pee.
So, I feel awfully stupid about stirring up all this stuff when my recall was wrong. I am just starting to see things for what they actually are and my thoughts and emotions which guided me into thinking about what I think is going on and what actually is. I feel like crap because I have blown everything out of proportion and I do that a lot...I got fired from my job, I lost good relationships around me and I was so wallowed up in disappointment and suspicion on everything and everyone.
Honestly, your post today does not sound truthful. It sounds like you're making excuses for your hubby's bad behavior. I hope he doesn't, but at some point, he may abuse you again- hopefully, you'll eventually take the advice that was given to you in this thread.
Honestly, your post today does not sound truthful. It sounds like you're making excuses for your hubby's bad behavior. I hope he doesn't, but at some point, he may abuse you again- hopefully, you'll eventually take the advice that was given to you in this thread.
He didn't and he wont. We have been together for 11 years and it wasn't a thing of the past, I honestly thought that it happened because of the physical symptoms but feeling sick the way I did a week after with strep and having actually talked about it...I feel really bad about the accusations I had. Then over the last week after, I did remember correctly that I lost my balance and fell and he ran downstairs and slept on the couch. I will never have another drink - I swear I am allergic because 3 of my family members are. I was sick with strep on the couch and it sucked I have never been this sick and I honestly blame the fact that I had the flu shot earlier this year because I "never" get sick. But, what really hurts is that I blamed him for things that didn't happen. We have been together for a very long time and love eachother very much; I just can't believe what I did and how I blamed him. My mom didn't believe it when I told her because they know how he is; who he is and what he does for me - how hard he works to provide for me. We lived with them for 2 years and we barely disagreed (since we are so alike and have a lot of things in common) so fighting was like out of the question. I am not giving excuses...this is a fact; I had to write because I felt stupid about this. Trust me if a man ever hits me I will run...but I am glad that I worked through this because I would have made the mistake. We are working together even though there was a moment we both thought it wouldn't work.
Linear Mode
