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Hello all,
I posted an intro under the intro link (i think so anyhow) I new to this posting stuff.
I have been married 26 years to the same man and for the most part I have enjoyed it.
He is very good with the kids and has always come home with a cheque. You might ask why I am here and and believe me I didnt come here without much consideration.
I love my husband very much and I believe he loves me also. The issue that has caused so much grief for me is that he is a cross-dresser. This surfaced about 3 or 4 years into our marriage. Looking back I should have dumped him then, but I didnt so here I am. Its the source of all our fights. We have gone to a marriage counselor and I agreed to his cross-dressing one day a week. I thought that one day of anger would be better than seven days of anger. I have waited for the kids to leave home and the youngest has a couple years left at home. So I have to make decision soon. Should I go or should I stay? Has anyone lived with a cross-dresser? Am I the one who is wrong?
I need real people to give me some direction.
Thanks, Patty
Ok first off why does he want to be a woman? He is married to one and you sound like a really great person. If I were in your situation I would tell him this has got to stop or im leaving. No matter how much I loved the person. If you wanted to be with a woman you would have never married him in the first place. Or you could take a different approach and ask him why he does it and try to understand. But you really need to do what you feel in your heart not what people think you should do. Maybe if you left him after 26 years he would get the picture and straighten up Im not sure. Anyways, goodluck to you.
What you have to realise is that this is as much a problem for him as it is for you. Go to this site it may helpy ou understand a little more:- "Ladylike"- Advice for Women with Crossdressing Partners The end result will depend on how much you really do love him. Good luck.
I see that you've gone to counseling, you talked to him about it and are trying to fix this yourself. It's wonderful that he is a great husband and dad, but I believe that by doing this, he is putting himself first, his desires first. He does need help. It's rarely about the things. What I mean is that it's not often about the "things" we don't want to give up, it's something deeper. If he doesn't really trust you, he will never expose the root of the problem, and may not speak about it if he feels he will be judged by you. You seem to be a kind and loving person but there is only so much you can do.
If you are a faithful person, it would benefit you to seek God. I don't know if you believe in him, but if you do, go to your pastor for some guidance. Give this burden to the Lord. He is in control. There is nothing to big for him to handle.
You got good advice from all...here is my opinion on this...ask yourself if you can learn to accept the way he is?..it is clear that he will probley not stop cross-dressing that is what you must realize...Yes i could see how you would be embarressed in public if he goes like that, i would be also.
So here is your choices do you love him enough after all these years to contiue to cope with it and accept who he is and how he likes to dress? or Is it worth leaving him over?
This hun is only answer you can decide.
Its not for me to say how you should feel about it Patty. I do want to put it on record that I have known cross dressers as friends who are absolutely straight and normal in every sense of the word apart from their crossdressing interest. Also as a graphic artist I did a monthly newsletter for one of the bigger CD organizations for a while and met all sorts of men from that group -- its more common than I think people realise.
I think if my husband turned up interested, I would be willing to play along to a point. Maybe even try a little cross dressing of my own. Switch gender roles completely to see what that might do. LOL But I bend some lines fairly easily and don't have the kind of concerns about what other people think that I know other people have. I think its important to figure out how you feel Patty but please don't let the ones who think its bad or wrong be the only ones you give a listen to, okay? I don't think its bad or wrong.
26 years! I don't think it's the cross-dressing. I think there are other problems. If it were the cross-dressing why did it take so long for her to realise it bothered her so much.
Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with it - it is a man who likes to wear woman’s clothes. There is plenty of evil in the world without some people inventing more.
Even if the marriage ends, it doesn't mean that the relationship needs to end. You have been together a long time and the kids sound ok with it. I say no matter what you decide, try to stay friends. He's going to need one. His home has probably been a kind of sanctuary for him all these years. You could set some rules about when he can dress the way he wants etc.
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