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    He says I'm Jealous and Insecure

    Asked Jan 31, 2007, 02:06 PM — 7 Answers
    My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years and it seems like we are still single. We have separate bank accounts, credit cards and cell phone accounts. I found out for the second time that he has been calling lady friends (of which I do not know) and using up to 5000 minutes per month on his cell phone. He also keeps his phone locked. So when I found out he said that these women were calling for his friends and he even called one with me on a 3 way line and told her he had no interest in her. She was supposedly his friend's woman and his friend can usually be reached through his woman's phone. There were other numerous women and I called just to hear the voicemail. I have never been a jealous or insecure person. However, when people appear suspicious I have reason not to trust him. Now that is has happened he has agreed to change his number and go on an account with me. I don't want to police anyone's records I just want to know I can trust the person I married. Why the need to have so many female friends and why don't I know any of them. If I had met them it probably wouldn't be a problem. I have male friends too, but most of them would be with me if they could.

    He has the nerve to call me insecure and unreasonably jealous. I am not that person and I will not let him make me into that kind of person. I must add that I moved 3 hours away for a job and also because he had no respect for the marriage and would stay out late with his friends until all times of the morning. His friends are also a huge problem in our marriage. They are all single and he doesn't see a problem awith constantly hanging out with them almost every weekend. When I want to do something I have to ask instead of him initiating. He used to do things with me before we got married but now that he has me he takes it for granted. I will be moving back home in a few months but in the meantime I can not monitor everything that he does and will not. I have decided to put more distance in the relationship and see where that goes.

    Last edited by misslady111; Jan 31, 2007 at 02:23 PM.
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    7 Answers
    ordinaryguy's Avatar
    ordinaryguy Posts: 1,790, Reputation: 595
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    #2

    Jan 31, 2007, 03:03 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by misslady111
    Why the need to have so many female friends and why don't I know any of them.
    This is only question I see in your post, so here's my best guess at an answer.

    I'm guessing he has so many female friends because he likes the attention, the sense of adventure, the intrigue, the chase, and the reputation for being a player. Probably the reason you don't know any of them is that he thinks if they knew about you it would undermine his reputation and success at being a player.
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    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 75,720, Reputation: 7217
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    #3

    Jan 31, 2007, 03:26 PM


    He sounds like a player and is still playing the field. You need to make him understand that this behavior is not acceptable and that if he intends to stay married, it stops now. He has the choice.

    I don't have an issue with separate bank accounts, sometimes it can work if each pays specific bills and the such, I honestly don't want to know how much those new curtains cost and my wife does not want to know what I spend on fishing equipment.

    But there has to be a budget worked out and money saved jointly for ememgancies and the such.

    He has to be willing to sit down and explain things, or he does not really want to be married
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    punkgiirl's Avatar
    punkgiirl Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Jan 31, 2007, 06:48 PM
    I hate to break it to you, but your marriage is over. Move on. There's too much resentment now. Go have fun like he is, life is too short to be with one dork who annoys you.
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    misslady111's Avatar
    misslady111 Posts: 11, Reputation: 4
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    #5

    Feb 1, 2007, 08:20 AM
    I told him last night that if he wants to have his friends that he just talks to on the phone that's fine but he needs to understand that I will continue to have my male friends. In addition, my male friends like to go out and have drinls play pool, eat and do other things. He says that he would consider those to be dates. I told him not in my opinion and if I tell him that nothing is going on he needs to believe in me and I will do the same. I don't believe in putting demands on people but I do believe that 2 can play the game. So I will be living my life just as he is but I will be interested to seeif he can take it. My husband and I are very compatible sexually and I don't have any intentions of going outside of my marriage because I really do fear the Lord. Besides that, I would never hurt anyone like that.
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    MISSIBAYBE's Avatar
    MISSIBAYBE Posts: 72, Reputation: 5
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    #6

    Feb 2, 2007, 12:18 AM
    I wouldn't trust your husband. I don't know if he's cheating on you but why talk to all these women? He doesn't enjoy talking to you? How would he feel if you called up men in the night just to talk. He'd say, TALK TO ME!! I've been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years now and I swear, he doesn't have all these lady friends but if we were to get married and all this calling up the ladies came about, I would be flippen upset too! But seeing that I'm not married, I'm telling you to play the same dirty game. I want to tell you to keep those male friends and make him jealous. But what would come out of it? And what if he's okay with it? Then what are you to do? WOMEN KNOW WHEN THEIR MEN ACT DIFFERENT, WHEN THEIR ROUTINE CHANGES. We're not stupid! And if we're insecure, we have a damn right to be because they made us feel that way. What's up with the separate everythings? You're married now! Sharing is a part of marriage. He might have something to hide (maybe he doesn't want you to question what and where he spends his money on). Girls calling for his friends? That's a bunch of bullshiet. Those friends of his sound like trouble. Maybe a part of him wants to play that single game again. I hope you don't have kids.
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    misslady111's Avatar
    misslady111 Posts: 11, Reputation: 4
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    #7

    Feb 21, 2007, 09:39 AM
    We don't have kids and I have decided to separate from him because he is not ready to be married. I am moving on with my life. I can take a hint. If there is a need to have all these friends be it male or female that just says that he needs more than just me. I have my friends too and an occasional girls night out but his is constant. I don't want to be married to someone I don't trust or respect. Wish me luck because I am moving on to bigger and better things!
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    elegantbabe's Avatar
    elegantbabe Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Jun 26, 2011, 12:02 AM
    I want to share my story also... I met my husband 6 months back before we got married in 2008... he was caring a big spender and slowly slowly he started interfering in my life.. lik taking my mobile if I have any calls from my friends, I din like that and I told him directly, stop checking my mobile I was single that time and I was bold enough to talk to any dam person who tried ruling me, I am born and bought up in a very open minded family.. my parents always supported me in every way.. dey gave me all love and care.. any ways.. dis guy was bit surprised that I yelled on him.. n he told me that I dun lik if you get and e cals frm your friend.. I told him wats your problem dey are my friend and dey will call me.. who are you stop me.. n he told me that I love you n I'm jealous if you talk to sumone else.. I was lik dun tell me dese excuses.. he was quited den.. n slowly dese thng became more that one day he took my mobile and he answered my friends call and told him that she got married and dun call again.. I got dam pissed and told him wt d hell..! He said yes v r getting married.. n frm nw no call in your mobile and he insisted me to change my number.. soon after that I went to india fr my vacation and on that also he made my life hell full 30 days 24/7 he called me and asking wer are you now wt you doing now.. wid whum you are.. huh I was bad pissed... n e ways weni came bak frm india I decided to break up with him as I got to know that he was engaged to his cousin.. n he neva told me and e thng.. I got to know through his mobile he gave me when I went to india, and I founded d text messages exchanged betwn him and his fiancée n d same time he was having an affair with me.. wen I cam bak I told him giv me sum space.. bt he said no v r getting married as soon as possible.. I told him y.. he said my mother got to know about our affair and she's against our relationship.. n she can go to and e extent.. n e ways in short sum hw by his sweet talks he convinced me and he got married.. nw v have 2 kids.. bt still m nt happy with him.. coz of him I have lost all my freedom.. n he din even turned to be a good father as he still did not made passports fr my kids nt even der visas are done.. n I cant even travel to india to c my parents.. my parents have nt yet even seen my kids.. one is 3 yr old and d other is 11 month old.. he always end up arguing and fight wenever I talk to him about future plans.. he cant resist to talk to me.. he din even have a good house.. I talke to him about maintenance he said v dun have money.. fr other thng he have money he can buy a good cell phone fr himself.. a good PC n system.. n lots of other thngs he spended money on.. n he din even did a single thng to mek his hom a good place.. I dun even invite anyone.. I m so embarased.. my hom was very butiful and had all sort of luxuries bt since I gt married to him my life got ruined I cant even do thng what I want to do... he have trapped in loans.. my all salary goes in loans.. nt even a single penny is left with me.. n he keeps askign me when are you getting increment... m earning better den him.. bt I am in debts.. I need advice how to get rid of him.. I want to be alone with my kids to give dem a better life den wy dey are living nw.. m already away frm my family.. n friends.. I dun even go out.. hes always out with his friends.. I duno wtelse to say.. I need helpppppppppp... I cant manage thng of my own lik before.. I was bold bt now I am zipped as if sumthgn is stopping me to talk to him or maek him understand..

    I BELIEVE LOVE IS NT EVRYTHNG..
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