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I had an affair but my wife won't forgive me

Asked Oct 13, 2008, 12:33 AM — 13 Answers
I am the cheating spouse. I had the affair. I understand her pain and I understand what I did was wrong and devastating, but the vileness in her contempt is destroying what love we have for each, other if any. i don't know what to do! Can someone help me?

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13 Answers
mishelly3's Avatar
mishelly3 Posts: 300, Reputation: 91
Full Member
  
#2

Oct 13, 2008, 12:57 AM
Let her have the time she needs, I mean after all the man she loves has just to her he has cheated let her have all the time she needs to digest this its no an easy thing to hear and an even harder thing to process. Let her feel the way she does ans don't say anything to her about it its her way to cope and jus t sit her and let her do it and keep your mouth shut...

And maybe if your lucky she will take you back and you 2 can get some counceling just be understanding and loving and be there when she is reqady to talk...
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imzz46's Avatar
imzz46 Posts: 37, Reputation: 10
Junior Member
  
#3

Oct 13, 2008, 02:56 AM
I am sorry, but in all honesty if someone betrated my trust like that I would have an extremely difficult time trying to get over it. Why did you cheat? If you truly loved her, why would you jepordise your relationship like that?
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hannah_nicole's Avatar
hannah_nicole Posts: 163, Reputation: 68
Junior Member
  
#4

Oct 13, 2008, 03:14 AM
She doesn't have to forgive you - I know I wouldn't. It sounds like it doesn't bother you too much that it happened and you think your girl should just get over it - how long ago did it happen it seems fresh? How much do you really love and care for this girl? You've cheated on her and now can't seem to understand - let alone empathise with - the pain, hurt, humiliation and anger she is feeling. Give her a break and wait and see if she decides to come back - the ball is in her court now.
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Romefalls19's Avatar
Romefalls19 Posts: 4,739, Reputation: 5721
Ultra Member
  
#5

Oct 13, 2008, 05:18 AM
It sounds like you are blaming her for not forgiving you for sleeping with someone else. You are being completely selfish and could care less about her feelings. You did this to yourself, as the old saying goes "You made you bed, now lay in it"
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talaniman's Avatar
talaniman Posts: 44,351, Reputation: 50366
Senior Family & People Expert
  
#6

Oct 13, 2008, 08:41 AM


Quote:
i don't know what to do! Can someone help me?
See your self for the selfish B..st..rd, that you are, only then can you face the truth, and work to change yourself, everything about yourself.
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liz28's Avatar
liz28 Posts: 4,660, Reputation: 5253
Ultra Member
  
#7

Oct 13, 2008, 09:09 AM
Forgiveness takes times and who knows when or if she would ever forgive you. Also, a lot of it stems from how she found out. Did she find out or her own or did you confess? Even if you confess the damage was still done. How fast would you be willing to forgive if the situation was reverse?
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JBeaucaire's Avatar
JBeaucaire Posts: 5,377, Reputation: 5036
Software Expert
  
#8

Oct 13, 2008, 12:56 PM
For a single betrayal of this magnitude, years of repercussions ensue. YEARS. So put on your seatbelt for the ride of your life.

By the way, she is TOTALLY honoring you by staying around at all. If I were in your shoes, I would thank her DAILY for perseverance. I let her know with words everything she does that is awesome.

You have no choice, but you have the privilege, of spending however long it takes to reacquire her kindness. Not forgiveness, that may never come...you are courting her kindness back. That's all you need.

You two can live together for 60 years with this cloud over your heads with no forgiveness ever occurring, but only by reacquiring your kindness for one another. You give it to her, nonstop, no matter what. She's in pain, you caused it. You can bear this time, it is a reflection of YOUR love and kindness to do so.

The fact that she is still there means the measure of her love is significant. Respect that fact. Do your time.
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hannah_nicole's Avatar
hannah_nicole Posts: 163, Reputation: 68
Junior Member
  
#9

Oct 13, 2008, 01:20 PM
Just to add I think you "destroyed the love you had for one another" by betraying her trust and cheating long before "the vileness in her contempt" had anything to do with it. Stop blaming others for what you've done.
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Fr_Chuck's Avatar
Fr_Chuck Posts: 72,607, Reputation: 37031
Expert
  
#10

Oct 13, 2008, 01:26 PM


Yes, what pure bull in the post. The OP did the cheating and now they want to blame the other person for there marriage problems.

No wonder they won't forgive. There is no reason for her to ever forgive, So take the blame, get counseling, learn to take responsibility
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