A male co-worker that I do not know gave my wife a scarf as a gift to show his appreciation for all that she has done in supporting his program. My wife does not work directly with the co-worker but is in a support type position that schedules meetings and business trips to name just a couple of her duties. This guy was in England and bought the scarf while there. I have a problem with this and told my wife that the gift was inappropriate. I have nothing against giving gifts of appreciation to co-workers, but a personal item such as a scarf is a bit much in my opinion. I would like to know if anyone thinks (like my wife) that I am over reacting. If I knew the guy it would be different. If the gift had been some inexpensive trinket or something that the two of us could both enjoy, I would be okay with it. What say ye?
Can you get to know him?
You may be over reacting because a scarf could be taken as a personal item or not.
I would watch for more serious signs that there is a problem. Don't be acting like you are looking and out to get her though. Just take little mental notes about anything that may indictate something may be up.
I don't think a scarf is enough evidence. O.J's alleged gloves couldn't even convict him.
I think it is appropriate and very generous.
I would not worry about it.We are not in the 19th century anymore where women could only accept certain gifts from men.
Thanks for the advice. I suppose I'm having a problem with the gift because I personally would think twice before giving a gift of any kink to a married woman if I did not know her husband. I clearly understand that we are not in the 19th century anymore, but when a man gives a gift to a married woman and has never met her husband, I feel that it gives credence to the thought that there is more to the relationship than meets the eye. Besides, why is he thinking about her while on a business trip to England? If my wife wears the scarf, it would be natural for her to think of him. This is one of the reasons a gift such as this one is given to a woman. Also, the scarf is not a cheap one, is very nice, and would easy attract attention. I told my wife that when someone comments on the scarf, if she feels the least bit hesitant to mention who gave it to her, then my point is dead on.
Get over it. It wasn't lingere or jewelry, it was a scarf. This was most likely a gift given for a job well done. If she did an exceptional job, he is very happy with her work.
You say she schedules meetings and business trips. Did she schedule this trip to England? If so, he may feel very appreciative of her work.
Do you live in a cold climate? If so, the gift was appropriate for your weather.
Just because she wears the scarf doesn't mean she'll be thinking of him.
Are there other jealousy issues in your relationship?
All have been logical responses to my question and supports the concept of trust, confidence, and security in a relationship. I have absolutely no doubt about my wife’s sincerity or the excellent strength of our marriage. My concern is aimed toward the gift giver. His intention and purpose are at least worth warranting suspicion. I got what I was looking for from your comments. Thanks for pointing me in the right direction. However, I will watch for additional signs of this strange man (to me) intruding in our marriage via gifts and other tactics.
I think you are overreacting. A small (a scarf qualifies) personal gift says way more to a valued coworker than an impersonal trinket.
If you trust your wife, trust her. Do not interfere and do not subject her to your insecurities. She'll know what is appropriate and what is not. Trust her to deal with it in a way that would make you comfortable with the situation.
Thanks for the advice. I suppose I'm having a problem with the gift because I personally would think twice before giving a gift of any kink to a married woman if I did not know her husband. I clearly understand that we are not in the 19th century anymore, but when a man gives a gift to a married woman and has never met her husband, I feel that it gives credence to the thought that there is more to the relationship than meets the eye. Besides, why is he thinking about her while on a business trip to England? If my wife wears the scarf, it would be natural for her to think of him. This is one of the reasons a gift such as this one is given to a woman. Also, the scarf is not a cheap one, is very nice, and would easy attract attention. I told my wife that when someone comments on the scarf, if she feels the least bit hesitant to mention who gave it to her, then my point is dead on.
A coworker is a coworker regardless of his or her marital status. Treating her differently because she is married is actually discrimination.
[quote=ymmot;2069441] My concern is aimed toward the gift giver. His intention and purpose are at least worth warranting suspicion. QUOTE]
Don't worry about his motives so much. In a good solid relationship a woman with any integrity knows how to handle herself no matter what his intentions or even any passes he may make. In short even if he wishes it doesn't mean a thing as long as she keeps herself professional.
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