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Not sure if this is in the correct spot but I figured Marriage would be the place to put it. In 3 months my best friend who I have known since we were 6 is getting married. He has a 1 year old son with his fiancee. He has just found out that his Fiancee has been cheating on him yet he is acting like nothing happened (he tends to act like problems don't exist) .
I am not in the wedding because everyone knows that I NEVER trusted her. And I made it very clear to her when they first met that I do not trust her. I am invited to the wedding but i feel as if this wedding should be called off. I have tried to talk to my friend but he doesn't want to listen (again acting like there isn't a problem).
So I guess my question or questions are This weekend do I tell my friend hey at the forever hold your peace part I am going to say my peace. this will give him the option of saying please don't come to my wedding or Do i say nothing and Just jump up at the peace part and say STOP This needs to stop right now. Also if he says yes please come to the wedding and stop it (which i doubt) will the priest or whoever is marrying them stop the wedding? Or should I just not say a word at the wedding and let the messy divorce that will follow in a few years happen?
Or should I just not say a word at the wedding and let the messy divorce that will follow in a few years happen?
I would opt for this one. For whatever reason, your friend is choosing to marry this cheater. Support your friend by continuing to be his friend. Go to the wedding and keep quiet in front of the guest. Your friend knows how you feel that is all that truly matters. The cheater is probably looking for a reason to banish you from your friends life. Don't help her out. I understand how hard it will be to keep quiet. Good Luck
You may end up loosing your friend if you continue to "look out" for him. Be there at the wedding, let him know there is a true friend in the crowd, just by a smile on that day, and if it does not work out, once again, Be his friend.
Your heart and mind may mean well, but he is a grown man and no matter what bumps in the road either of you face, a true friend just needs to be by their side, helping them through.
Pick out a nice dress, shoes and get ready for your friends big day.
You have already expressed, as you have indicated, many times, your mistrust of his soon to be wife. No need to repeat it.
Your friend will respect and be grateful to you, that although he knows in your heart you have reservations, you still, when needed to be, remained a true friend to him.
All Heart I think i'll go with a nice suit alot of people would give a guy strange looks if he is in a dress at a wedding ;P
But you are both right I need to sit there and smile and say congrats and what not. Although I have to admit I always wanted to see what would happen at a wedding if someone did say something at the forever hold your peace part. But better for me not to find out.
It will be hard to see him do this but it will be harder to not have him as my friend.
I totally get it. I would want to stand up and "have my say", too, in this situation. But that wouldn't actually solve anything, though everyone, including the bride and groom, would understand why you did it. They would...they'd gripe and moan and be hateful, but inside they would understand.
However, I have to say, getting married isn't about locking up the perfect mate. It's about making a permanent commitment with someone who seems to be compatible in more ways than not. Both of them have a history of sins, some even against each other. Getting married pretty much wipes that slate clean, and it should.
It's a completely different mindset to be married. You defend your family from all ills, even the ones that they themselves bring to the table. They are committing to stay and work and love and cry and overcome NO MATTER WHAT the issues are. That's the commitment. It's the whole point.
If you really want to say something, talk to them together before the wedding and tell them THAT. You know what has happened before and that make you wary, but you understand that being married is about being different. You will help in any way you can, but the sins of their past do not have to follow them into the marraige unless they invite them. Get them to PROMISE if those same issues start to creep into their minds again that they will TELL each other, that they will not get angry and that they will buckle down and fight it off together.
Tell them if they promise to do this, you will support them, at the wedding and your heart and in any way they call on you in the future. But you need them to acknowledge this.
I have a different view on this when compared to the rest of the people writing here. I had this happen with me where a very good friend of mine was marrying his best friends wife. I so did not agree with what she did to the two friends nor the choice he was making. I knew if I were to stay his friend I would not be able to be nice to his wife and therefore not be a good friend.
I told him how I felt about the situation and what I thought about these choices. I also told him that they were not my choices to make. I then told him I wished him much happiness and a long and happy marriage (which I truly did). And then I told him I could not be his friend anymore because I did not think I could ever like his wife for what she had done. It was hard but so incredibly the right decision. They have now been married for about 20 years (although how happily I am not certain).
You see I did not want to poison his marriage and make it harder for him than it had to be. SHe and I would have always been at odds and have much different opinions.
I guess what I am trying to say is it is not your decision. If you can not be happy for them, then you should not share in their day. Chances are you are 100 percent right in your feelings and predictions, but being right does not give you a win here. If you can not he nice to her when you are with him, then you should not poison the marriage with your negativity. However you can be there to listen (if you do not pass judgement) and be there if it ever fails. You dont ever want to be in the position to wonder if what you were saying to him is the reason the marriage failed.
So to sum it up, if you want him to be happy, you need to let him try it his way and be totally behind him. If you can not do this, you need to step back while this occurs. Make sure he has all the information you have, but what he chooses to do with this is his choice.
Just my two cents and I know it is not the answer you wanted to hear.
I actually wanted to get the opinion of people who are not close to the situation. My fiancee's friend and her husband think the wedding will never happen at all. I said yeah you are right but as the time is getting closer I felt like something needed to be done (like i'm the relationship police). I guess I feel like I am his protector ever since his mom died when we were 16. He knows how I feel and I will leave it at that with him.
I swear I am not going to do it but does anyone know what happens if someone jumps up at the forever hold your peace part? If someone gave a valid reason why two people shouldn't be married will the priest stop the wedding or do you think that person gets his/her @$$ handed to them by the family of the couple? Just wondering
Well if they still have that in the wedding, I have not used that in my weddings in years. And you have had your say before hand, don't ruin thier day. This is thier issue, many couples can get over an affair and make thier life work
As Fr_Chuck said they rarely include the speak now or forever hold your peace in a wedding any more. If it is there it is at the request of the bride and groom wanting the most traditional of wedding ceremonies. Them knowing how you feel I bet they specifically made a point to make sure it is not used.
I agree with the others. He knows how you feel but love is blind and we often have to learn the hard way and he is going to need a good friend through the divorce so do not alienate him now!
I have seen many many times where a couple separates and the friends and family take sides. They are comforting and supportive with the "yes you are so right he/she is a no good ________ and I can understand why you don't want to be with him. Blahblahblah.
Then they get back together and you are the one on the outside that is the no good _____
so just be friends with your friend and do not get involved in his personal life with her.
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