Fiance wants me to stay home

Donovans Grandma · #1 May 26, 2005, 01:42 AM

I have a son still at home and I am raising my grandson who is 3. I am marrying a man who has never married and has no children. He feels the children really need me to stay home. To be perfectly honest, I really want to stay home too. The problem is I don't feel right having him be our only income. (He can afford it) What can I do to make it feel like I am contributing fairly? I will be doing most of the inside work, he will do the outside jobs and cooking. (I am a terrible cook.) Errands will be run together because that gives us more time together. Any suggestions are appreciated. Thanks

jduke44 · Jun 2, 2005, 06:28 PM

I hope I can give you some insight. My wife and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt the she was going to stay home. We have a 3 month old and a 22 month old and it is very tough being on only one income. We felt and still feel the benefits of having us rais e our children and not daycare or even our parents out-weigh hving the second income. Better yet we see it in the faces of our kids. My personal opinion is if you can afford it stay home with the kids. My wife sometimes feels the same way but I try to encourage my wife by letting her know that by raising our kids she is contributing greatly. I could not do even half the things she does with the kids and stay sane. It doesn't always helps but she does aprreciate the encouragement. I hope this helps!

artistall · Jun 21, 2005, 09:32 AM

Statistics show that if a woman received monetary compensation for her daily contribution as a homemaker and childcare she would earn well over a hundred thousand a year!!! Hey! Enjoy every minute of it and let your new husband feel good about supporting you! You will see the difference in the children later on and realize it was well worth it as jduke stated! The children are lucky too!!

fredg · Jun 25, 2005, 07:08 AM

HI,
I am so happy for you that his income will provide for you both. In many, many marriages in America today, both parents HAVE to work. This causes some problems with children, but not in every case.
Get use to the idea of being a housewife!!! You will enjoy it. You probably will learn to cook also!
The family in American is, for the most part, falling apart. This is seen throughout this Great Land, with children and 50-50 divorces!!!
Keep your family together, stay at home and be a housewife and "mom".
Best of luck,
fredg
PS; I am 63,....been there, done that.

shenda · Jul 7, 2005, 08:22 AM

Free yourself from the condemnation that guilt breathes; do not be ashamed to live the life that you are blessed to lead. Admittedly, it is your desire to stay home, your husband agrees...(sounds like a win-win situation to me); however, you may desire to challenge yourself in an area of personal growth...eradicate your admission, I'm a terrible cook; Browse around for simple recipes, follow the directions until you are comfortable enough to expand, adding your personal touch, do not stress out about it, you will be amazed once you unleash yourself. I have been surrounded by many women, who declared that they were a terrible cook, as if the inanimacy of pots and pans were something to be feared. Understand, I do not feel that cooking is a prerequisite for the Queen of the Castle; however, it may be required to keep the home fires burning, as times goes on. I am only challenging you to strengthen a known weakness. As far as feeling at ease, concerning the package deal your husband has graciously accepted (you, your son, your grandson), simply accept his benevolence and love. You are much more than you give yourself credit for...you are worthy to be loved, cherished and adored. Know that. If he had a problem, you would know, he embraced your package deal, your acceptance of his position...Seals the Deal. Free yourself, enjoy your life. Appreciate and value the man he is, All else will fall into place. Realize, identify the source of what makes you uneased, confront it, if by simply knowing...you are granted a life...you have desired to live.

wzartv · Jul 7, 2005, 08:27 AM

If you are able to stay home with your children and raise them well, it will be so worth it and you will have some really great children that will work to their full potential. It is the absolute best thing you can do for your children.

turtlegirl · Jul 7, 2005, 04:51 PM

I hate to harp on the cooking thing, but I just want to clarify: Are you really a terrible cook or do you just HATE it? I'm a fine cook, but I hate to do it. For me, I would feel like I was challenging myself/sacrificing/whatever you want to call it if I took on this task most days in return for the 'breadwinning.' As I type this I realize how traditional-gender-role that sounds, but for me it would make sense. Would that make sense for you?

BSN22 · Jul 19, 2005, 06:40 PM

How fortunate you are to be able to stay home to raise children. Being a mother who had to leave her child with daycare and babysitters I can honestly say, I wish that I had the good fortune to have been able to stay home.

And don't you dare feel guilty. Being an at home mom, a homemaker is a VERY important job. What you can do is just be the very best homemaker you can be. Take a cooking class or invite a girlfriend over who is a great cook and have her teach you a few simple recipes. Get a good cookbook and practice. Keep an organized home for your husband and he will appreciate your efforts.

Marriage is a partnership with each partner being responsible for a different aspect of the marriage. The money he earns is yours as well for making your viable contribution.

How blessed you are to be in such a wonderful position.

kp2171 · Aug 4, 2005, 11:47 AM

I quit my job to stay home with my son (20mo) last summer. My wife's job was starting to catch fire with the potential for a great promotion in the next two years, and we can make a living with her income and with some money I make with two very small businesses I run.

The way I've been able to get over the mental problem of not feeling like I'm contributing is I'm handling the mundane financial tasks and I'm driving financial investments. She doesn't have the time to run through the budgets daily. I do. She doesn't have time to read up on investments and to plan on how to build savings. I do. I'm responsible for budgeting for vacations, for college, for retirement, for daily living. We talk to each other, but its my "job" to gather the info and make the best decisions. By the time my son goes to school I'll be ready to expand the business or begin another...

So if you're feeling like you cannot contribute financially, you're wrong. On top of all that you'll be doing for the kids and for the house and your fiance, you still can be involved in the financial side in a meaningful way.

Meb · Sep 24, 2005, 08:23 PM

If he is ok with what you would be contributing, then you should be ok with it too. Watching children all day is a very worthy way to spend your time and you shouldn't under-estimate the value of it.