I recently married someone who has been pursuing me for the past 10 years or so. After years of that, and a string of toxic relationships and money issues, I decided to finally respond to him. Initially, we planned to get married in April of 09, but moved the date to this month...that was a huge mistake. While we've been friends for years, we hadn't been a couple for very long and he's 4 years younger than I too...he had been paying my bills and come to find out, not paying his own...he'd been asking his relatives for damn near everything...now we're married and struggling more than I ever thought we would be. Every other day I find another financial landmine for us to dig through...stuff I would have found out about if we would have just slowed the hell down.

He has made many decisions in life that are very...well, I know he's young for me, but he's young for HIMSELF...some stuff you're just supposed to know as an adult.

I'm supposed to be in the honeymoon phase, aren't I? Instead, I'm always nagging about him digging in the fridge without washing his hands, and reminding him to iron his shirt before leaving the house...to change your toothbrush after 3-6 months and not A YEAR AND A HALF and to have a goal of trying to own a pair of socks or underwear without holes.

I don't feel secure or protected...I don't feel like he's the head of the home. It just seems like he's a roommate or something. I feel like I'm out here pulling myself up by my own bootstraps...just like before I got married.

Then he wants romance...I'm extremely uptight. I'm a very sensual being, and I don't even want him to touch me. I feel like I'm climbing in bed with kid brother's best friend or something. Thing is, we're only like 3 weeks into this marriage. HELP!

N0help4u

Yikes!
It doesn't sound like roommate or best friends brother it sounds like he wanted a mommy and you fit the bill.
Take care of the bills that directly effect you and then do the best you can with his old debts.
If he wants to wear holey socks and not iron his shirts let him go but if you are going out together have good clothes set aside for the occasion. He is a big boy and you don't need to be his mommy no matter how much you feel the need to.
I know I would feel the need to too but you don't need trapped in the role of his mother.

royalty7

Ugh! Thanks for the insight. You're right...I'm going to stop making him iron his clothes and stuff. The way he walks in from off the street and heads straight for the fridge without washing his hands? I have to insist that he washes his hands! Yuck...I bought some Sun Chips and he complained about them; said he doesn't like them and I shouldn't buy them anymore. From now on, that's all I will buy because I know he won't dig his filthy hands in the bag! LOL

N0help4u

My 21 yr old -in one week from now -- does the same thing --dirty hand marks all over my fridge!. He is tired of my bf eating his cheese and his sauces so he is going to buy his own small apartment size fridge and keep it in his room.
Maybe he could use his own little fridge too for his own personal food. That might cut down on using the main fridge.
I know what you mean about telling you don't buy something just because they don't like it. My problem is they will eat it anyway and keep complaining. Also besides brands they don't like find flavors you like that they don't. Like you can have his Wise regular or bar b que chips and your cinnamon flavored Sun Chips or whatever.