Engaged and unhappy

I don't miss the guy, we barely have anything to talk about, there isn't any urge as to want to talk to him and share stuff with him, these things should come naturally shouldn't they? I mean getting married is a huge deal and just going along with it for the heck of it just doesn't sound right =(

No, it doesn't sound right to me either. But what are the alternatives? What is the worse thing that will happen if you tell your parents you don't want to marry this man, and they accept your decision? You say you can't be forced into a relationship you don't want, you want a chance to find a man you love, you want to live a little before you marry.... What is the worse thing that is going to happen if you say NO, you are not going to marry him?

I feel as though I've done everything I can. I've talked to my parents, I've talked to the guy. It seems apparently no one is concerned.
I know my parents want what's best for me but in this I feel that they're wrong, I've told them I don't want to marry him etc- nothings happened, nothings changed =/
I'm even surprised at the guy, wouldn't any normal person be like you know I really wish it would work but if you're not happy it would be best to end it now to avoid future problems and to live in the MAYBE state. =/ if I was in his place I know I would.
I don't understand as to how he can be so calm about all this =/

I am curious as to why he is getting a wife from Pakistan. Quite frankly, I think he has ideas of what a wife raised in the traditions and values of Pakistan would be like versus a wife raised in the more permissible culture of the US would be like. I think it is less about you and more about the ideal that he has in his mind.

I think at the very least you need to have more contact with him. Emails, letters, phone calls, etc. Would help both of you get a better picture of what the other person is like. I think both of you need a better idea of what the other expects in a marriage.

To Jake2008. I read the article and honestly these type of things-beatings and being sold by your family only happens in the villages and in the more poor part of the country. My parents would NEVER do that. This is mostly done by the illiterate and poor people. And I'm not part of that type of a society or living between those type of people. I think it would be okay for me to say that I'm pretty well educated and so are my parents so I don't have anything like that to worry about People have freedom here too, but probably not as much as in the west.

Well, regardless of what part of the country you live in, you have an arrangement with the families, for you to marry a man you do not love. You worry about the consequences, and if you are so free where you are, what stops you from just saying no. You want to continue your studies, you feel weird around him as you say, you have no feelings for him, yet you are obviously pressured to marry him.

What are your options in your culture. What would happen if you told your parents that you do not want to marry this man. What are the consequences.

You are so young to be pressured into a marriage that is an arrangement. Your parents may be educated, but, forgive me for saying, I find that difficult to accept, that they would expect you to marry a man you are totally uncomfortable with, at age 17.

Yes, it is different. I am in Canada, and a friend of mine was expected to marry a woman he barely knew, because the families negotiated the chosen partner for him. He was very much pressured by the ways of the past in his culture, yet, educated and successful and knowing his choice was taken from him. It is a difficult position to be in.

But, from your original post, from my perspective, he does not seem like someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

I hope you can change the future that your family and his family, have decided for you.

I'm a "Westerner" (the Netherlands) living in Thailand, having some good Muslim friends from Thailand, and I have studied the Quran quite extensively. I'm not sure whether you're a muslim or not, but as far as I know Pakistan is mainly islamic and it sounds very much related to this kind of 'cultural/religious issue', if you may so call it.

You can argue whether the situation going on with you at this very moment is to be called 'you being married against your will', but the whole irony of the story is that even according to the Quran it is forbidden for men to marry women against their will (obviously visa versa too), as stated in Quranic Verse 4:19.

For me it's quite simple; you, in no way, want to marry this guy, yet you are (in a nice way) being forced to marry him, for whatever reason that may be (you just met him, still young, want to see the world, want to be free, apparently don't like him and don't want to give him a chance, your choice, done deal, end of story; you do not want to marry him). This should be clear, and no arrangement should ever be made, but apparently non of all parties involved, except you, understand that.

I suggest, that if they keep on misunderstanding or not wanting to understand you (as it seems from all your replies you've written), why don't you just point out this verse with some strong personal motivation/reasoning behind it saying that they're trying to marry you against your will... Since you and your family are educated (as you said), they might understand and besides you support it by traditional (religious) evidence... Covering both sides of reasoning. Would that help? (FYI, I'm not a Muslim)

Good luck with sorting it out, cause I would never accept this (being binded for the 'rest of your life' against your will)

BigNavySeal: Your answer is something which is definitely helpful and yes I am a muslim so I guess in my case the verse would help.
As I have been keeping you all updated(and thanks a lot for your replies and help) the latest is that I spoke to the guy about everything and his response was that if I give the situation more time I would get okay with everything and if we spend more time together things would be okay blah blah. Then again I told him everything that I feel I'm too young, want to study and everything and he said that he needs to think about all this and that we'd talk later. The later hasn't come yet. I spoke to him 2 days ago and haven't spoken to him since. I emailed him twice, texted him twice but never got any response and nor does he come online where we chat-though I've seen him online on facebook. I'm kind of scared as to what would be going on. Should I give him time or what? =/
Maybe he still will decide that giving more time in this situation is better then to break it off? =/

To jake2008.. What happened to your friend who was pressured into the marriage?

I'm utterly bored with work so I might as well respond. First of all; so is the engagement finally off or not...? If not, is there already a date, if yes, what's the deal? Postponed to another date or indefinitely? What you mean in the end... Giving more time then to break it off. Isn't that what you want? I would be utterly clear and tell him that you do not want to and will not marry him and that is the end of the story. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.