i dont think i can handle this marriage any longer...im not even sure i still love him...but that could simply be because i am angry at the moment...
my hsuband is sitting behind me cussing and yelling and ing about money....
i took his debit card away and hid it yesterday...because he once again, for the 5 time this MONTH, over drew our account.
in case some of you dont know (i posted it already once i think) ill break down our budget...
in a month
he brings home about 1000
rent is 640 something.
electric is 180
grocerys 200
ciggarettes for him when we can sometimes afford it 100 (i have quit, because we CANT afford it, but he refuses to)
phone 10$ but its in my moms bill and my mom doesnt make me pay it if i cant.
thats IT.
already we pay out more than what we have...and constantly borrow from friends, family, payday advances, and direct deposit advances....and god forbid anything unexpected happen in which we need more money for
well, right now his complaint is that HE has no EXTRA spending money...
well im sorry. NEITHER DO I.
i couldnt even afford to get our 5 year old school supplies. my mom paid for ALL of it.
so...i just gave him an ultimatum...i told him to think about it all day....and to tell me tonight after ayla goes to bed...
i told him that if he wanted all 'his money' back again (we were split up for 6 months last year and i didnt get any of 'his' money) and he wanted to spend all of 'his' money on crap, like mc donalds, monster drinks, and random candy and junk thruought the day....then to just TELL Me...and ill give him back his debit card, me and ayla will move back in with my mother, and then he can do it all by himself. and have all the extra money he wants...
then of course...being my husband he says 'oh thats nice' and stomps away....
am i being mean here? this is not the first time this has happend. we have been married 3 years. and of those three years, i have been hospitalized for suiside 6 times (i have NEVER been admited to the hosptial before i met and married him) we fight constantly...arguing over stupid things over and over and over again...
we just got food stamps...and aparently he thinks 'oh good we have food stamps now i can spend MORE money' im sorry thats just now how it works...
for those of you who dont know...my husband has mental retardation (im not saying it as an insult. he was in his mothers birth canal for way too long and was oxygen deprived for almost 8 minutes when he was born)
i am just at my wits end...
the only thing holding me back...is my daughter. her school is here...my moms house is 25-30 minutes away...granted, the food stamps are in my name, so my husband wont have those, so i suppose i can help my mom pay for her gas, by buying grocerys for her. but that wont work forever. and my duaghter LOVES this school and her teacher and already has many friends...is it selfish of me to want to take her away from all that to get away from my husband?
we are in marriage councelling...the councellor says give it time, but we havnt seen him for a week or so.
or do you think this is still savable? could a weekend (or week long) marriage retreat help? a vacation together? or even simply time APART?
any advice is greatly apreciated....thank you...
*PS* NOW, he is ing at me for having a ciggarette because of all the stress. and he also demands that i take it outside which im not going to because HE smokes in the damn house!
To whomever suggested that i get the book "when Dad Hurts Mom' by Lundy Bancroft
Thank yoU SO MUCH! i got it from the library yesterday and i have been reading it. and im nto sure if its true, or if this writer is biased or something, but from what this writer says, my soon to be ex husband was (and still is) abusive towards me in SO MANY ways that i never noticed. probably because of my experiance with my daughters father who was 'truely' abusive physically beating me and raping me, i didnt notice when my husband angrily demanded i come home from my neighbors house after only 30 minutes of talking with her (about unimportant girl stuff) or when he corners me against the kitchen counter to tower over me and yell at me. granted, i yelled back sometimes, and i was wrong, but im almost positive that i wasnt as threatening or intimidating as he was.
so thanks for this book. i havnt gotten to the advice about helping the kids with it yet, im still reading thru the beginning where he is describing different abuse senarios. but i LOVE this book!
i hope this doesnt make me sound mean or judgemental or critical or anything but id like to get some opinions on it.
it seems very 'conveinient' and more than coincidence to me.
issac found out yesterday that i filed the police report about him destorying my things. and he called me this morning to say he was so so sorry about it and he was angry and didnt mean to and he was sorry.
its been a month. is it wrong of me to NOT take this apologie at face falue? i accepted it politely. but i honestly dont believe it.
Your husband is mentally challenged, what happens if you don't take the apology at face value? Nothing changes, what's done is done. He lost his cool, it's hard to believe that when faced with a consequence he wouldn't regret his actions.
Since the apology came after he found out he was in trouble for his actions, face value isn't much.
If he had apologized before finding out about the police report, I would put more stock in it. As it is, it sounds like something a lawyer would suggest to try to lessen the damages.
I hope all is still going well for you and Ayla and your grandmother.
i hope this doesnt make me sound mean or judgemental or critical or anything but id like to get some opinions on it.
it seems very 'conveinient' and more than coincidence to me.
issac found out yesterday that i filed the police report about him destorying my things. and he called me this morning to say he was so so sorry about it and he was angry and didnt mean to and he was sorry.
its been a month. is it wrong of me to NOT take this apologie at face falue? i accepted it politely. but i honestly dont believe it.
I am a day late on this but in my opinion who cares what he says at this point. He did it and its done. You cant get those things back. Sorry wont bring them back.
Even if he wasn't in trouble, he would probably attempt to contact you. He's your husband. Real love and feelings don't disolve over night From this point what is most important is what you do with the contact that you have with him. If you take it at face value isn't as important at this point. If you edcide to take him back without first seeking help or counseling that might not be in your best interest. I think it's important that you grow from the experience just as much as he does. Live and learn and apply what you learn and you'll get there.
i hope this doesnt make me sound mean or judgemental or critical or anything but id like to get some opinions on it.
it seems very 'conveinient' and more than coincidence to me.
issac found out yesterday that i filed the police report about him destorying my things. and he called me this morning to say he was so so sorry about it and he was angry and didnt mean to and he was sorry.
its been a month. is it wrong of me to NOT take this apologie at face falue? i accepted it politely. but i honestly dont believe it.
Someone dropped the ball if he was allowed to call from jail!
He would have to call collect and if would be a violation of a restraining order for him to contact you.
You should not even be on his "call " sheet from jail.
dont ask me WHY it took so long for them to arrest him. maybe they were investigating or something. i hope so because they would also see that all my life i have lived without being admited to the mental wing of the hosptial. but as soon as i was with him, i was in and out several times a year. and then im sure they got my record from the urgent care clinic for my jaw. my family says no one talked to them though.
but he is in jail for 90 days. and the restraining order went thru so he isnt allowed around either me or my daughter, and that also means, i get off the rent and electric bills.
All calls from jail are collect and they are required to state that the calls are placed from a correctional facility at which point you are asked to accept the call.
Telephone contact is a direct violation of Order of Protection, there is to be NO CONTACT via email, telephone or person.
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