hi there,
im new to this but am in need of some sound advice. im a 28 year old woman with 2 children and one on the way.
i have been married for years but recently things have become terrible. when we met he was a very thoughtful, respectful, caring and loving guy. he always made me feel loved and special and always made special occasions special. granted he has always been a little immature but apart from that he was the guy i wanted to spend my life with.
we got married after 2 years and slowly things seem to have spiralled out of control. he ignores all special occasions including anniversary, he only comes near me for sex otherwise no interest, he never asks me anything about my dayfeelings etc-basically does not care how im doing.he has no interest in this pregnancy and only gives our children the bare minimum attention. he basically has lost all the things that attracted me to him years back. i feel like ive been fooled by him and now its a very lonely sad disappointing marriage. the only one thing i can think good of him is that he will get me a drink or bite to eat if i ask him...but thats it. otherwise im an outsider in his life of work and selfishness.
he tells me he sees his wrong and promises me the world but never actually changes anything.
im not even sure if i love him.
is there any thing that can be done or should we finish for both our sakes.
Are you sure that your perceptive has not been altered by tiredness and the pregnancy?Why don't you talk to him and genuinely tell him how you feel?
If there is a nice guy inside your husband, I'm sure he hasn't just disappeared - talk to him, let him know you're feeling sad and lonely and work on it together. You can't just expect him to make changes to please you - make some changes that please him as well.
Relationships change over time.You know that its not always going to be hearts and flowers.
The honeymoon is over and while there may be times when you can bring all of those feelings back,its not an everyday thing.
Your love changes and it might seem like it is less because maybe some of that passion , that *I have to make love to you this instant* is gone, but it is replaced by other deeper emotions.
The joy of watching your children together as they grow.The family time of quiet.Just sitting next to each other and having him rub your belly.Those are all good things.
Talk to him dear and tell him you are sad,and this is
not a good time to be sad.
As others have said,don't make any decisions about your future right now.
You need to concentrate on being calm and relaxed and making sure your pregnancy is as stress free as possible.
I think you should show him what you posted here.It may be the eye opener he needs.
I also think he needs to man up and accept his responsibilities as husband and father.
If you need any place to come and talk,there is always someone here to lend a virtual ear.
I will agree with everything that the others have said.
One other point to add, relationships take work to keep up any form of "newness". Not just one person but both people. Even with working hard not to take each other for granted after more than 20 years, my husband and I still hit ruts and forget to do the little things that add up and make the day-to-day life more enjoyable.
Don't make the mistake of talking to him. Discuss your feelings with him. He may not realize just how much of a rut he is in and how much you and the children need him to be home not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well.
Think about what you really want from him. When he promises you the "world", would you prefer to have him? If so, tell him that. Help him keep the promise to be there more. Sometimes we don't realize how much we shut someone down when they do try to make overtures until they no longer try. (A very hard lesson to learn and correct).
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