my husband sits and drinks with another woman and when i am out with him and she is there he cant take his eyes of her and he turns cold and hostile towards me one night when she wasnt there he took an angry turn towards me her daughter was serving behind the bar did he turn on me so the daughter would tell her mum i can sense something is not right my husband says there is nothing in it and that its me he loves although i don t believe him he says she drinks like a man every time i meet up with him in the pub she is always sitting with him then she leaves his company if i join him he won t stop going to that pub is there something i should worry about

redhed35

have you spoken honestly with him about how you feel?

does he realise that you feel a little insecure and maybe a little jealous?

thats understandable.

but dont jump ahead of the game.....talk to him,and see will he reassure you...if he dismisses the idea,state aggain how its making you feel,and remind him that you are his wife..

do not be confrontational...

do not speak in anger..

be calm,and honest,and help him understand your position....

if your not used to talking to him like this,and it happens,we get into a rut and only talk about the bills or the kids....

it might be hard..but perhaps it will help you reconnect with him.

i wonder if he has a little crush on this women,or that he just enjoys her company,is she a mans man type of women?

as i said the only way to get to the bottom of this is to be honest and talk to him about how you feel.

mw4ds

thanks for replying i have spoken to him often about it but we have been married for 30years and our kids have grown up she is 11years younger than me and to be quite honest i have known for a few years my relationship with my husband is about dead its just he dosent have the guts to leave me in case everybody talks about him he is very cold towards me and and sarcastic most of the time so i hardly speak to him now i would leave but i have nowhere to go and neither does he he has been in her company now for 3 years and i cant take any more

redhed35

could you just clear up a few points,perhaps i misunderstood...

in your original post you say he said he loved you and nothing was going on,and you wondered if you should worry...

in your next post you say your marriage is all but dead,and bascially your just living in the same house....is that correct?

have you both talked about councilling or divorce?

either way your in a difficult situation,if your marriage is over,then perhaps you should both think about what is best for both of you instead of what the neighbours think.

if he wont make a move,maybe you should?

mw4ds

sorry i should have been a bit more specific what i meant was he is fine when he doesnt go to the pub when he comes home and has been in her company he starts arguing with me and calling me names one minute he says he loves me and then i am called horrible names i know i should go but its hard i am not very good at explaining things clearly i have asked him to stay away from the pub but he refuses she also tries to like the things i like and if my son has been in the pub and he hasent been out he always asks if she was there i just probably need an excuse to go this woman has had a couple of men in the past she also gives me funny looks if i am with him and her face is always tripping her if i am there

redhed35

thankyou,i understand better now.

can i just ask,what do you want?

do you want out,or do you want your marriage to work?

mw4ds

i think i just needed someone to say for sure that its time to go and change things in my life thanks

redhed35

only you can answer that one....your the one living it....

personally for me,i would not be able to put up with that kind of behaviour.

but you have to think it through....you both have a right to be happy and to live in peace,with or without each other...

whatever road you take will have its own set of problems,but if you make a decison to see it through you will be happier with your decison.

i wish you the best.

other people will post and perhaps take a differant point of view,that will help you reach a decision.

amicon

If you truly feel that your marriage is emotionally dead and counselling is not an option you should probably end it. We all deserve to be loved,respected and valued in our relationships. It s your decision of course-best of luck.

I wish

Assuming that you've spoken to him about your concerns and tried to work things out.

If after 30 years, you aren't getting what you want, then I think that you've given him more than enough chances to try to repair the marriage.

Woud you like to give him another 30 years to try?