my husband sits and drinks with another woman and when i am out with him and she is there he cant take his eyes of her and he turns cold and hostile towards me one night when she wasnt there he took an angry turn towards me her daughter was serving behind the bar did he turn on me so the daughter would tell her mum i can sense something is not right my husband says there is nothing in it and that its me he loves although i don t believe him he says she drinks like a man every time i meet up with him in the pub she is always sitting with him then she leaves his company if i join him he won t stop going to that pub is there something i should worry about
thanks for your reply but i dont think i could go through another 6 months with him never mind 30 years it was nt easy i was trying to make it work for the kids but he finds fault with them as well and always has done he has never given them any praise ever always downing them for something suppose it was my fault for staying anyway
Maybe talking after he hasn't been drinking would clear things up. A guy who spends a lot of time at a pub is bound to have some serious problems at home, and maybe everywhere else.
I can understand you being tired of even being around a person under those circumstances, but that may be at the heart of the issue.
That means you may have a big decision to make. See what your son says as he seems to have a close view of things.
thanks for replying i know in my own heart what i need to do i just need reasurance that its the right thing to do
There's never a right or wrong answer when it comes to relationships and marriage.
What you need to consider is what makes you happy in a relationship or marriage. If you're not getting what you want, then you shouldn't continue to suffer. Make it a clean break and find what you want somewhere else.
There's no reason for you to settle for less than you deserve.
I think you are unsure of what is right before your eyes, because you are reluctant to see the truth.
30 years is a very long investment in someone, and surely at this stage of the game, he shouldn't be chatting this woman up, and miserable with you when he has to leave her and go home. Then he takes his anger out on you, which is very misplaced, immature, and innapropriate. Three years of this is enough already.
You are not without instinct, and you know what's going on. He is spending time with another woman, that he should be spending with you. That he cannot justify what he is doing, instead he deflects- makes it seem like you are imagining things, or that he is the victim here, because he's doing nothing wrong.
All I can tell you is, and I've been married 33 years, if my husband were spending time in a bar with a woman, having had a relationship with her for 3 years, his belongings would be packed, and he'd be out the door. Maybe it is because my husband knows how I would react (and damn the neighbours), that he wouldn't attempt it in the first place.
When and if he comes to his senses, assert yourself, demand that he stop going to the bar, for starters. Then, insist on marriage counselling to see if there is anything salvageable in the marriage. But from a distance.
Go forward, not backwards, and don't stay stuck in this place. Decide one way or the other whether you will put up with his behaviour, or you won't. And then do what is right for you.
There are things corroding your marriage far more deeply than the other woman that drinks at the pub.
You write about the way he speaks with you and the way he speaks to the children. You talk about his coldness and sarcasm. You talk about him belittling you in front of other people. You talk about it never having been easy.
It has taken 30 years to create this situation and it won't be resolved overnight. The other woman that drinks at the pub is merely symptom of a marriage that is in name only.
Decide what is best for you. It is the only thing that you can do. Claw back some self respect and let him know you won't do what you're doing any more.
Unless he can sober up and be nice, I'd suggest he needs to pack his bags.
thanks to all the replies i know what i am going to do a just did nt think he could love somebody else as he does nt love me a did nt think he was capable of loving some one
my husband sits and drinks with another woman and when i am out with him and she is there he cant take his eyes of her and he turns cold and hostile towards me one night when she wasnt there he took an angry turn towards me her daughter was serving behind the bar did he turn on me so the daughter would tell her mum i can sense something is not right my husband says there is nothing in it and that its me he loves although i don t believe him he says she drinks like a man every time i meet up with him in the pub she is always sitting with him then she leaves his company if i join him he won t stop going to that pub is there something i should worry about
If I were you I would ask him does he want to be with her and if you don't get a quick REPLY GET RID OF HIM HE'S NOT WORTH YOUR LOVE, I HAD THE SAME PROBLEM WITH MY FIRST TWO WIFE'S FIRST WIFE 35 YEARS SECOND WIFE 5 YEARS SHE WAS A RUSSIAN ((( YOU WILL COPE )))BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM AS IT SEEMS TO ME HE LIKES THE COMPANY OF OTHER WOMEN BUT NOT YOU. DO IT GIRL DO IT
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