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Do you still need no contact when your wife needs 'time and space' at her parents?
My wife says i don't fill the empathy 'best friend' hole in her life, and has moved out to live at her parents, but doesn't want a divorce yet. I had finally convinced her to go to Marriage Counseling next week. I've been calling her daily, but she doesn't want to have 'heavy' conversations, just light conversations about daily stuff. She moved out for a week last month, she would come home every day and we'd cuddle, but she'd spend the night at her parents house. She told me she was upset that I didn't call her during that time.
I've been putting old love photos on her dashboard of her car while she's at work, and other little things to show her that I still love her.
Do I need to not talk to her at all until the marriage counseling. I'm so confused. It doesn't seem like anything I can say will fix anything. She doesn't want to stay at home because sex confuses her mind and makes her want to stay with me, and she says she needs a clear head, and to 'rediscover herself'.
I understand that the 'no contact' rule applies after a breakup, but a marriage seperation (or whatever this is)? ??
Space means space to think and if you stay in contact it ll only add to whatever confusion there is already.
I suggest you tell your wife you ll not contact her until you meet up for the counselling session.
I'm scared because last month she admitted to kissing a coworker, and I forgave her, and then she was 5 hours late home from work the other day, and admitted that she was with him again, but did not have sex. Since she has moved into her parents house, she has realized that she needs to take a break from him and me.
I'm afraid that if I don't constantly remind her of me, that it will give the other guy an upper hand.
Thats where you need to stay strong and not come across as needy and clingy.
Leave her alone until the session next week or you may actually push her away.
Sounds like she's leading you on how she wants to proceed. She wants to keep the conversations "light" and she wants you to call her during the day. So I would go with that.
Marriage counselling is a good first step. If both of you want this marriage to work, then you'll BOTH have to put in the effort. It can't be a one-way marriage, which is why I find the fact that she kissed another guy is very disturbing. That's considered cheating in my books. The trust is obviously shaken and she should also be trying to repair the marriage. But you forgave her so easily, I wonder what else she thinks that she can get away with.
I have never kissed my best friend, have you? The "empathy, best friend" hole is not what I'd be worried about.
She is actually upset with you because you didn't call her, while she is at her mothers trying to figure out if she wants to be with some other guy, over you? No.
She admitted to kissing a guy from work. Then she spends FIVE hours with him. In my book she is a cheater, plain and simple. Even if she didn't have sex with "Mr. Empathy I. Wonderful", she is breaking her marriage vows, and is blaming you for it.
I hope there are no children in this mess. As it would make it even more difficult.
You need to decide on what you are willing to put up with.
Because if she had a legitimate complaint about what you do,or don't do, she should have come to you first.
Do you think she is staying away from this other guy? No, she moved back home so she can date again.
I really feel for you, and I don't mean to be harsh or blunt, but you need to stop putting pictures in her car, and doing all the things that you are doing, and tell her straight out," if you want ME to be your husband, come home and let's work it out like adults, or I'm having a yard sale in the front yard."
"How much did you pay for all those sweaters? because I'm selling them for 4 for a dollar."
But you forgave her so easily, I wonder what else she thinks that she can get away with.
Exactly.......This woman needs to be shaken up a bit.
Why on earth do you beg for her when she is "catting" around with someone from work? Yes it hurts, Yes there are so many things at risk here....yes you could lose her for good.
But, understand, as long as she has no respect for you, you've already lost her.
Her telling you that she Cheated....and you forgive her so easy....Then you beg her to come back home.....She can do anything to you and you just take it.
I'm not being mean, I need to point out in glaring examples of just what is going on.
Being nice at this point is not going to win her back.....YOU HAVE BEEN VERY NICE so far and that's not really working is it??
She needs to realize somehow that you aren't always going to be waiting in the wings while she engages in despicable behavior........Then she gets to run home to your comforts......No no....
How long have you two been married and how old are you? How long did you know each other before getting married?
I almost feel like I am reading about a couple of teens who haven't learned how to communicate with each other instead of grown adults in a marriage.
I will agree with keeping communications light until counseling just so that neither of you say something that might make matters worse. Use the time to do some heavy thinking about what you really want in the marriage and what you are willing to compromise and work on.
I hope marriage counseling helps sort out the problems that you are experiencing and to decide where to go from here.
By the way, I kiss my best friend several times a day. I am very thankful that I have his friendship as well as his love.
Proceed with caution. You do want her to know you still care, but you do not want to appear to be clingy. This will only annoy her. I'd wait to speak with her st the counseling session. In as few words as possible tell her that you love her and that you believe your marriage is worth saving, but that you will allow her the space she needs. I am concerned, however, that you feel you must constantly remind her of your prescence, lest she fall into the arms of another man. That doesn't sound like committment to me. Marriage is hard, and you will have a difficult time of it if she runs away from home anytime she feels conflicted.
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