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Could he still be in love with her?

Asked Aug 7, 2011, 02:30 PM — 30 Answers
All her threads are merged into one.


I am getting the vibe that my husband still has feelings for his ex. We have been married for two months and been together for a year. The thing is, my husband was in a relationship with S for a year and a half and they were planning on getting married but few weeks before the wedding S broke it off and decided to end it for no apparent reason.

Now this story happened three years ago and two years before we met, so I know I'm not a rebound. But the subject of the ex was opened a few times cause she was a family friend and still is so his family tend to bring her up every now and then. However, every time she's mentioned my husband gets nervous and starts taking deep breath (big sigh) without commenting on a single word. And the thing that's making paranoid is that I asked him why he refuses to forgive and forget her, is it cause S meant a lot to him because it seemed that way to me but he also didn't comment on that !

He tells me he loves me and swears by it but what do you think people, the fact that he gets nervous of the ex subject and tries to ignore talking about it even after 3 years have passed, doesn't mean that he still has feelings for her?! Please be honest...

30 Answers
hannah f's Avatar
hannah f Posts: 19, Reputation: 10
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#11

Aug 13, 2011, 09:46 PM
WOW! You just got married! Did he do this before you were married? I think you need to catch him in the act and talk to him about it. Don't end a marriage just because he looks at other women. Yes it is wrong but first talk to him and tell him how it makes you feel. Please answer mine... Http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/am-annoying-him-he-really-into-me-592634.html
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Hunny11's Avatar
Hunny11 Posts: 11, Reputation: 5
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#12

Aug 14, 2011, 01:40 AM
I am not afraid of anything I swear but I just feel so very disrespected. If I go out and a guy who is with his wife starts staring at me every two seconds I'm going to start feeling sorry for the wife for not being good enough for her husband ! This is what happening to me now, do you really think that it is okay for my husband to keep looking back and forth at my friend while I'm sitting next to him ! So it's not fear that he'd leave me, it's feeling disrespected in front of the world...
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vanheart's Avatar
vanheart Posts: 2,794, Reputation: 3579
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#13

Aug 14, 2011, 04:02 AM
"I'm getting to the point where I want to end his relationship"

Then why did you marry him if you have those doubts....?

Hindsight is 20-20

Blame yourself.
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talaniman's Avatar
talaniman Posts: 44,349, Reputation: 50366
Senior Family & People Expert
 
#14

Aug 14, 2011, 11:23 AM


Why do you think you can control what people look at? Why do YOU feel disrespected by someone looks at? Why would you blame a wife for what her husband looks at?

Why is your point of view the only one you see?
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Hunny11's Avatar
Hunny11 Posts: 11, Reputation: 5
New Member
 
#15

Aug 23, 2011, 05:12 PM
What do you call a married man who seeks other women's attention?
He is married and supposedly loves his wife very much but can't help it with wanting other women to notice him and like him! What is that called?
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CliffARobinson's Avatar
CliffARobinson Posts: 1,428, Reputation: 510
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#16

Aug 23, 2011, 05:15 PM
Narcissist, I think, sums it up.
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Fr_Chuck's Avatar
Fr_Chuck Posts: 72,607, Reputation: 37026
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#17

Aug 23, 2011, 07:49 PM


A cheat
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Cat1864's Avatar
Cat1864 Posts: 6,392, Reputation: 15960
Marriage Expert
 
#18

Aug 23, 2011, 08:31 PM


All her threads are merged into one.

I call a man who actively seeks the attention of women other than his wife 'insecure'. Though some are just born flirts who enjoy the banter and it means nothing more than having fun. Most even enjoy it when their spouse flirts with them in public.

I call a wife who actively sets out to seek negative opinions about her husband of two months 'insecure', too. Is he really flirting as much as you think he is or is your own perception making it seem worse than it is?

Have you sat down at home and discussed what each of you considers good behavior when around other people? Have you discussed ways you can let him know he is crossing the line without putting him on the defensive or you feeling like you are tugging on a leash?

Have you found ways to help yourself feel more secure in your marriage whether you are out or at home?
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Hunny11's Avatar
Hunny11 Posts: 11, Reputation: 5
New Member
 
#19

Aug 24, 2011, 04:38 AM
Thanks all. Cat1864 you have a point there but I don't know how to do that, we're both super stubborn sometimes we get into a fight and stop talking for almost a week and we live in the same house ! I think my marriage is in deep trouble and I'm too exhausted I just want it over
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talaniman's Avatar
talaniman Posts: 44,349, Reputation: 50366
Senior Family & People Expert
 
#20

Aug 26, 2011, 02:48 PM
How long did you date before you got married?

Merging your posts suggests one of you has a lot of baggage, and you two don't communicate very well.

Instead of making new questions, why not share your whole story here, so we can see, and understand what you are dealing with. PLEASE?
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