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Convince Parents on Inter-caste marriage?
Asked Jan 11, 2009, 08:27 PM
Hi Friends, Hope you would be able to help me with this... I am a Hindu Brahman guy in love with a girl and I have 2 problems... 1) she is a couple of months elder to me 2) she is non-brahmin... my brother loved and married a gal within the same caste (couple of months elder to him).. my parents had a tough time in doing his marriage (as they had to do it it without revealing the age and make it look like an arranged marriage)... my parents had so much faith on me and wanted to have my marriage done in a grand way without any problems... they were also in lookout for girls..
Initially my brother was okay with my love but later told that I should not do anything against my parents.. I broke this to my dad, but he reacted very emotionally giving the following reasons...
1) per my josiyam, if I marry a nb girl, I will suffer in life
2) age difference
3) thy wanted to do my marriage in a big way, but cannot in this case
4) thy did not expect this from me as they had so much faith
One another reason could be that my cousin married a nb guy and my uncle is still upset about it and does not attend many family functions... my mom still does not know about it and not sure how she will react too.
It has been 2 months since I broke this to my dad... I have tried a lot since to forget her since my dad was so upset.. but I have been missing her a lot.. I want to try and convince my parents again.. let me know how I can do it... thanks for your advice..
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Jan 11, 2009, 08:36 PM
First off 2 years is not a big difference at all so I cant see why this is a problem, but I guess so in some cultures
And you cant help who you love, I think you need to make them see how much she means to you.
I think that in this case all that should matter to them is your happiness, cause if you go completely by their standard than you may end up with someone who doesn't make you happy at all
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Jan 12, 2009, 12:14 PM
It's you who has to spend your whole life with the girl you marry, not your parents. So the decision should be yours. If you both love each other and are not dependent on either of your parents to support you, then the only problem you have is trying to convince them without hurting their feelings too much... which is tough.
I am nb girl married to a brahmin guy. Yes, there were restrcitions on his side of family, but my husband stood his ground and convinced them.
Parents will try to stop you, but it all depends on how headstrong you are and how much you want this girl in your life.
Hope things work out for you. Good luck!
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Feb 1, 2009, 05:17 PM
Hey buddy you know what me too in same situation.. I'm a brahmin and my girl friend is 2 years elder.she really needs me but I'm in a situation that I cant tell my parents about my love and I cant leave her also. I'm 23 and she is 25. In her house they are looking for proposals for her and she wants me to mary right nw. I started my career and cant ask my parents in this age, Evry day I'm seeing hell.. hundreds of thoughts hitting my mind but unable to do any thing.. if I say my dad will agree but my mom is so orthodox and will come up with sentimental dialogues.. why this in caste is screwing many loves in india.. I think its our fate to born in this kind of community...
Please suggest me too in this situation... I will be really grateful to evry one..
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Feb 1, 2009, 05:18 PM
And forgot to tell yo she is a non brahmin girl but she is a hindu..
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Feb 3, 2009, 08:55 AM
This is not my culture, so I know I am coming from an ignorant place, but I am going to say this in the most basic way.
1. You are a grown up, she is a grown up
2. You want to marry someone that you are in love with, and this
Is what you are going to do.
3. It's YOU that will be spending your life with a wife and it's YOU that needs to make the choice of who that wife will be.
4. You would love to have their blessing but your marriage is not contingent on it.
5. I would think they would want their son's happiness over any cultural expectation. Are they worried about what their peers will think?
6. When it comes to marriage, the main priority is what is in the hearts of the two people involved. Not the "circus" of cultural rituals, no matter what the culture.
I know, it's easy for me to say because I don't have to deal with those people. It will take a lot of courage but, I think the truest strength of a man is standing up for his belief no matter how unpopular it may be to those around him.
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