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My story is that i met X when i was 19, it was lust at first site for both of us. I was a virgin. Once we meet we were friends for 5 months before anything happened between, once it blossomed it was great. Then shortly after he had to move to ireland (as he is irish), we had a long distance relationship for 2 years. We saw each other every 4 months or so, and i lost my virginity to him.
The sex was awesome, i carved for it alot.
After 2 years of a long distance relationship i packed my bags and went to be with him.
We lived togetehr for 7 yrs, then we decided to move to Spain (my home).
Got married and bought a house, all was fanatastic. Great relationship, frequent sex.
Anyways now we have been togetehr for 10 yrs. Im scared as for the 1 yr or so, sex is diminguishing, im losing interest. what scares me is maybe i dont find as attractive.
I see other good looking men, i notice them now, whilst b4 never did i notice good looking men. Sometimes i also fantasise about other men, and when i look at X i dont feel horney or anything.
When we have sex its most of the time great.
What is happening, im so scared. Am i starting to wonder what sex is like with other men coz he is my first?
I cant imagine my life iwthout him thou!
I think what you are going through is probably normal in a very long term relationship, especially one that started when you were so young. My life experience with relationships is very different so I can't say from experience, but from what I hear other people say sometimes things change after a while.
First of all, it might be that 7 year itch thing, where you think you're bored with the relationship. Second, it might just be simple curiousity because you've never been with another man and are wondering what it would be like.
You love this guy. You wouldn't be so upset and posting and asking for advice if you didn't care about this realtionship. I have a feeling that if you did go have sex with another man you might enjoy it the first time, but would be much less satisfied consecutive times because the thrill would be gone and you'd find the intimacy you have built with your boyfriend over all this time to be missing. Being close to and really caring about the person you are having sex with does make it different.
You say that the sex is still good most of the time, which is a great thing for you guys. In a lot of relationships the sex isn't as good as it was in the beginning after that much time has passed.
The infatuation that you initially had has probably faded, and now you have something that is more real and more permanent than that, love. It is normal to think about other guys being attractive, or even have fantasies about them. Just don't act on them in an impulse. Give this a lot of serious thought before you decide to do something you might regret.
I am probably the worst person to try and give you advice on this, but I hope it at least can help you a little bit. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
Thank so much for your reply. It did make alot of sense actually. I know i will not act upon my fantasies coz i know i could never hurt my husband like that he is my best friend. Im just scared of my feelings, what if they progress?? and my feelings get worse?
What can i do?
what can i do to rekindle our infatuation?
we are working on our house and stayin in alot and just not doin much!!
We last had sex a wk ago! i know it upsets him but he doesnt annoy me for it.
I've been married for 12 years and I love my husband dearly. I still fantasize about sex with other men, A LOT!!!!!! I dream about it at night with my adoring husband sleeping by my side. I dream about sex with his cousins, his friends, strangers I saw at the grocery store. It's ok!!! I even tell him about it. He is my best friend and I would be a fool to think that he doesn't have those same fantasies about other women. We talk about it. We joke about it. But in our hearts we know that we are meant to be together forever. It doesn't mean anything.
I've said this so many times before, there is no 'Happily Ever After' in life. It's not a fairy tale. It's a lot of hard work. So it's not all roses and fireworks everyday of the week. Big deal, it's not going to be. As long as you remember that you love your husband and it's okay to picture the butcher in his birthday suit asking you how you like your 'meat' you'll be fine.
After about 6 years of marriage with my husband I began to feel bored (for lack of a better word). Do you remember that excitement when you had your first kiss and the first time he touched you intimately? You long for that feeling again but if you choose to stay with him you'll never have those feelings again. The good thing is, you're trading that feeling of excitement for feelings of security and real love versus just lust.
To try and get some of that feeling of excitement back it's probably time to start introducing new things into your sexual routine. Try something different. Ask him to tell you his dirtiest, naughtiest fantasy and then talk to him about it during sex. If it's something that doesn't offend you try and give him his fantasy and then have him do the same for you. Have sex in a public place, try blindfolds, there's an endless number of things you can try. Even just the prospect of doing something different and naughty could add some of the excitement you may be looking for.
Don't be so hard on yourself. It is completely normal to have these dreams. If it bothers you that much you may want to talk to a pro and see if they can help you resolve this issue. I did, just to be sure it didn't mean something more, and she was awesome! She helped me to figure out that the dreams don't mean I don't love my hubby. Now I just roll with it.
It's funny because I dream about one particular guy a lot and I had a dream last night that he came over to our house (which was a different house in my dream) and I left my hubby for him.
I know that in reality I would never ever do such a thing so I don't worry about it. Plus the guy I had the dream about is from my home town and I'm going to go home for a visit tomorrow so I think that caused this dream.
Anyway, it's a dream, not a premonition. Don't worry so much about it. It's going to be fine. Don't try and hide your tears either. Just tell your hubby that you had a bad dream and let him console you. I bet that would feel good.
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