OK, so the man i am married to and have children with has been caught again. The same as last time, text messages all ending with i love you to a number not stored in his phone.
He has asked me to give it another go and try to make it work for the kids, he says he loves me very much.

My problem is that when i asked him last time to be honest he said that nothing physical happened, apart from a couple of kisses, its the same this time..
My question is: Is it possible for them to start telling each other "i love you" without having had sex? I am asking this question as i feel he is lying and i tell him that i cant move forward with him and forgive if i dont know the truth, i dont like being blind in the lie...and it wouldnt be fair!!
Many thanks

O_Troubles

what does it matter if i love yous leaded or not to kisses or more hes obviously gonna do it again! hes not worth you rtime or energy...and staying together for the kids bad idea if your fight and hes cheating on you your kids will get the worng idea its better they be raised in a loving single parent inviroment. becides adultry is a very good basis for a divorce if you wanna make sure he keeps paying for the kids!
to answer your question tho it depends on the person. i think he would have done more then sex or he wouldnt be saying that much over kisses. i think you already know this deep down, and him saying it will either comfirm and crush you or you wont know and it will haunt you. im not sure what the lesser of 2 evils is? what ever you choose to do, do it with your future and your kids future in mind. (kids growing up with more drama in the family are more likely to get into trouble and have behavioural issues. or in ur case your children may think cheating is acceptible cuz mommie used to let daddie do it...)

Shell_Lee

I believe that you can tell some one that you love them without sex. Does it matter though? Yes the truth matters, but there is so much more to this. He is telling someone else that he loves them. He told you that he kissed them. You say that this is the 2nd time that this has happened. Well what if this is happening a lot more and this is only the 2nd time that you caught him?

If you honestly believe that you can trust him and love him, then try to make it work. If you have any doubt though, start to think about other options with your life.

Tuscany

I told my husband I loved him long before we had sex. The real concern is why is he telling someone else that he loves them. Do you honestly feel that you can trust him? This is the second time, I think it is time to hold him accountable for his actions.

squeaks77

He's cheated on you twice, he will do it again!! And I think he's lying to you about not having sex. How many men get into relationships for JUST the love???? Kick him to the curb, he is not worth your time or affection.

amIwrong

I agree with everyone, your seem focused purely on if they had sex or not. Who cares if he did, the first or second time, who cares? There is no more trust. Once is bad enough, he is telling someone he loves them. Who cares if he means it or not, don't play into it. It's disrespectful. I think your looking for a reason to keep him. You have to decide if you want to live a life like this, of feeling like you have to "catch him" or be free from that. But, isn't this embarrassing to you? How is this a good example for your children? I mean, I understand not just walking out when something goes wrong, but this happened once before. Did he not try to initiate counseling, or even attempt to make things right?

DrJizzle

A common misconception of people about "cheating" ...why do we all thinking "cheating" only happens if there sex involved?

Many men can have sex with a woman without any feelings involved. After all, to them, its just sex.

But what about the woman that he is in love with? Sex or not, he is cheating with his heart. It would seem that would be a much bigger offense... sex or not.

Im not saying that a man cant love another woman without being IN love with them... but if that were the case, dont you think you should know who he shares this platonic love with?

amIwrong

I agree, sex or not, he is cheating, he is emotionally cheating, that's worse in some ways.

whattado

Usually the I love you's come after Sex. In order to have a good trusting relationship, you should both be honest with each other. Just the fact that he has done what he he has this far, would make me wannna get rid of him. Good Luck, you deserve to be treated right.

JBeaucaire

Men saying "I love you" is for the most part a reflection of his intent, not his feelings. What do I mean? Well, guys are visual, and they display love PHYSICALLY, not verbally. They do loving things, they dote on the girl, they SAY loving things not because they mean them (whether they do or not isn't my point), they SAY loving things as a way to open the gates to their coming physical overtures.

Said another way, guys say "I love you" to a woman to get her ready for physical intimacy. A woman needs to hear things like that and will accept the words eagerly whether they are appropriate or not, whether they are real or not.

So, what does this mean? It means his feelings aren't the point, whether they had sex or not isn't the point, he is actively TRYING to get sex from another woman. Again.

I hope this helps you understand that ship has really sailed on his intention, whether he's had sex or not, it is his goal, it is the point. Sex with someone other than you. You now know this, you've caught him at least twice which is by no means a measure of how much he has actually committed this sin.

The only thing you need to figure out is which of your kids will be the first to learn this is OK to do. If you stay (and I am a HUGE supporter of keeping families together), then you are exposing them to the concept that fidelity isn't important.