Caught my wife sexting...What to do next?

This is a hard one. Now that it's out in the open though, it should be easier for the two of you to talk about it and resolve it.

Have you asked her why she isn't happy, what parts of your relationship are displeasing her?

Counseling is a great idea for both of you. I would highly recommend couples counseling which would involve the two of you getting individual counseling, and counseling together as a couple. That way all of these issues can be brought to the surface with someone that can not only mediate and make sure things don't get to heated, but also someone that has the training to direct the two of you back in the right direction.

That would be my next step.

There is no magic answer to save a marriage, some can not be. But profession in person counseling by someone you both feel good about, and one you can be completely honest with. ( completely about everything)

You may find new ways to communicate with each other, ways to express your feelings and love.

Or you may find it is over and find ways to end it as friends.

But you have to work at it.

I have asked her what parts of the marriage are making her unhappy, and she says that we do not "click". She has compared our relationship to one of roommates. Where you have a friendship and get along but there is nothing more than that.

I try to not work longer than I need to but I have always had a long commute, was over an hour, now almost an hour and 20. I have recently gone back to school, so I think all of these things are adding to the unhappiness.

I will talk about the marriage counseling with her. Is that the only thing you think will work in repairing and re-building our marriage?

I am female, and I have to say, there have been times in my marriage when I felt the same way your wife does. We women are very emotional. We need emotional validation. When our men are caught up in work, school, etc. Etc., we sometimes feel left in a corner, left out of everything.

You said that she's a stay at home mom, but also a successful business owner. Does she spend a lot of time working on her business, or is she mostly at home tending to the kids, while you're out working?

I don't mean to make it sound like you're to blame. There's one thing that I have learned after 16 years of marriage. I know why my husband works so hard. He does it for me, and for our kids. He went to school to further his career so we could be more stable. That didn't change how I felt being left at home to take care of our kids while he was gone. I knew why, but it was hard to accept that he wasn't around.

I really do believe that counseling would be a good idea. Talking to each other is as well, but it often helps to have someone that's not a part of the problem, but someone that can look at it from a new perspective.

My husband and I are now very happy. We worked through the tough spots. At one time I felt like we were only roomates as well. It wasn't because I didn't love him, it was only because of the limited time we had together.

I don't know if I'm making my thoughts clear. It's often very hard to make your point when you have to do it in writing.

I really can't stress enough that counseling would be a step in the right direction. Will it save your marriage? I can't say for sure that it will. But, without it I think you'll only get further and further away from what you want. And I have a feeling she feels the same way, she just doesn't know how to express it. Counseling will help with that.

I think in addition to the counseling suggested here, you should start thinking as creatively as you do at work. What ways could you try to reconnect with her on an emotional level while on your rides to and from work? While you are at work? While she is off working and you are free?

I am not talking about buying gifts which do nothing long term to fix a problem, I am talking about looking at the problem of distance as one to overcome using technology, creativity, etc. Not a superficial "performance", but a real effort to stay connected with your mate on every level, not letting 'life' get in the way as much.

I know you can come up with ways to get reconnected. The question, as stated by our experts, is will counseling work.

One thing I think is a great idea. Date night. My husband and I make it a point to have a date at least once a month. Our income is limited, as is our time, we both work outside the home, and we have other obligations, but we make it a point to connect as a couple.

Why not surprise her with a night out. Hire a sitter, take her out to dinner, or go do something you both enjoy, skating, an art class, a long walk. That's up to the two of you.

It takes a lot of work to make a marriage work. You have to keep the couple aspect of your relationship alive. Yes you have obligations, and those are very important, but time together as a couple should be an obligation as well.

I've been in a similar situation when my wife asked for a divorce just over a year ago. We've tried counseling and it helped to resolve conflicts and immediate problems but it didn't really help us to grow back in love again. One thing that has really helped me is the advice from two books by Willard F. Harley Junior They are His Needs Her Needs and Love Busters. Both of these books together have done wonders for my marriage by teaching me how to focus my efforts in the right ways that matter to my wife and thereby begin to bring back the feeling of love in my marriage. My marriage still is by no means perfect, but its improved significantly and I have the blueprint in these books for how to keep making it even better.
Its also key that you take the lead, chances are, your wife may not be reluctant to jump into this marriage rebuilding like mine was at first. So I had to take the lead and really work at it for 9 months before she accepted that there is hope for our future and started working on the relationship as well. Again, there is hope for your marriage but you need to act now. Read these books and put what you learn into practice, they are probably the best advice for saving your marriage that you will find out there and I know they've been invaluable to mine.

Hello r:

Throw her to the curb... Life is rough.. You need people in your life who are IN your corner.. Your present wife ISN'T. Be DONE with her.

excon

That's a bit harsh Exy.

The wife was sexting. Shyt happens. When you're lonely, and someone pays you a bit of attention, sometime you turn to them. She wasn't cheating. Not physically.

They've been together for a long time. They have kids. Isn't that worth fighting for?