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Caught husband cheating, how do I know when it's time to leave?
Nine months ago, I found out that my husband was having an affair and had a one night stand with at least one other person. He was traveling 100% for work so it was very easy for him to hide it from me. We have gone through counseling and have tried hard to make the marriage work. I will say that he is working very hard to save our marriage. I wanted to work it out at first and have worked hard at it also. I think I wanted it to work for a number of reasons one being that I have gained weight and I am because I am afraid to get out there and date again. Anyway, he thinks we are doing very well and that everything is back to normal. I don't feel the same way but he doesn't know that. I just cannot get over what he did. It haunts my thoughts everyday. Everyone says that it will get easier as time goes by but the only change I have felt is that I am getting used to feelings not that they are going away. I often think that I should leave him and that I should have done it a while ago. However, when we are together, he is a very good husband. He provides well for us and I was even able to quit my job. If I do leave him, I will have to get a job and support myself. I am not sure I would find anyone better than him. I just don't know what to do.
your husband cheated! period no questions asked! No matter what you do to try and work things out there will never be any trust in your relationship again! I know it sucks but there is no point in trying to work it out. because no matter what you will always think about him betraying you and you wont ever be able to get over that. end it
Many people do work through it but you have to be strong, get counseling and really work on it but it takes BOTH of you giving 100% and the cheater being 100% remorseful and totally willing and honest to make it work. I have seen some successful ones make it.
It is up to you to decide if it is salvageable or not but if you think it is look at his track record and weigh the pro's and con's rationally like you are an outsider looking in.
It seems like you whether stay then to start over. I understand you might have gotten use to the lifestyle your husband has been able to provide, but in the end you must ask yourself is it worth it?
If you decide to stay or leave, seek counselling for yourself. Also, they have support groups that can help you through this. I just want you to know don't stay because your afraid to start over, mean he did have an on going affair and a one night stand. He step out the marriage not you.
Sorry for your situation, and know your problem is not unique, as many who have gone thru infidelity struggle with their self esteem afterward. A support group, and counseling will help, but the action required must come from you, and you must be willing to work on yourself and learn to love yourself. It takes time to work thru those feelings of mistrust, and betrayal, but thru some very positive actions on your behalf, and a bit of patience, you can get thru this, and emerge a much better person, for yourself first. Build a life that you enjoy, and fill it with friends, and activities that makes you happy. This will give you the confidence to do what you feel is right for you, and deal with reality as you see it. You are responsible for your own happiness. Embrace it, and own it as your own.
im sorry your going through this i dont have answers for you i dont know what to tell you cause im in the same boat ! i cant get it out of my head! but dont follow your heart, lead it if your following your heart who is your heart following? good luck
im sorry your going through this i dont have answers for you i dont know what to tell you cause im in the same boat ! i cant get it out of my head! but dont follow your heart, lead it if your following your heart who is your heart following? good luck
Perhaps part of this problem is you don't yet know the full extent of his affairs. You think that there was "at least" one.
What are you dealing with here. Two affairs, ten, 30?
I can see one being bad enough, and yes, it would certainly be possible to work through all of it, if that's all there was.
But, if you suspect that these affairs have been multiple, and he's not coming clean, and marriage counselling doesn't get the truth on the table, what options do you have.
Instinct is probably telling you that yes, there is more to the story, but no, I don't want to go there because to know would force me to make changes.
So, which way to do you want to go. Really get to the bottom of it, and put effort into resolving all the doubts to get to the truth, or accept that it really wasn't bad enough for you to leave your comfortable position. Throwing excuses in the way to justify silence, isn't going to make you feel any better.
So, are you up for the challenge, or are you more willing to let it go, and maintain your lifestyle as it is now.
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