Me and my wife have been married for almost a year and together for 6yrs. At first our sex life was off the charts and now it is nothing to write home about. We have had our up's and down's and split up 2yrs ago. But it just has not gotten to that real exciting point again. I love my wife dearly but she only wants to make love on her time never when I want to. How can I bring our bedroom alive again?

Homegirl 50

How old are you two and do you have small children? Have you talked to your wife about this and how do you approach her when it comes to sex?
Is your dull sex life based solely on the frequency or lack there of, or are you watching porn and basing it on that?
In other words, give a little more background.

Fr_Chuck

talk, talk and more talk, you both have to be open to what is happening in each others life.

But as homegirl has said, one persons boring is over the top for others.
But things ( but only if agreed by both) role playing, dress up, games and so much, heck the old body paints from the 70's are never out of line for couples who want to. But then if one person is not into things, the other should never force either

tiredoflying

I am 33 and she just turned 31. We have 5 kids 3 are mine from a prior marriage that live with there mom she has a 14yr old son who lives with us and our 4yr old daughter. I don't approach her cause I always get turned down so I wait for her to come to me. I am a very sexual person and I like to have sex espically with my wife. I have never cheated nor will I.

Fr_Chuck

As I said, you need to talk about your feelings, and she needs to talk to you about hers, if you can't, marriage couseling is needed to get you both being honest with each other and talking

Homegirl 50

I would imagine she is tired and overwhelmed. Do you two get nights with no kids in the house? I can't imagine feeling amorous at that age with that many kids around.
Maybe you can plan a weekend with her - no kids
You two need to sit down and have some talks, counseling could help. Does she know how you feel?

sylvan_1998

OK...this sounds familiar and I am the wife. When my husband comes at me I know what he wants and I just think UGH. Not that once I am into it I am not fully into it, just initially it is ugh.

For me, I want him to entice me. I grew up in a world where of course you said no, but when you are teen agers, you dont take no for an answer and pushed the issue a little. NO I DO NOT MEAN ROUGH OR VIOLENT. I just mean, snuggle with her on the couch, just to snuggle...who knows where it will lead. If she says no, say I just want to snuggle that is all. Hold her hand, rub her shoulders, kiss her neck.

The longer I have been married, it seems as if my husband goes in for the kill right away and all the flirting is gone. All the sexual tension does not build anymore and for me I need that.

This is only my perspective....and should only be taken in with this other advice. Ask her what she is missing.

tiredoflying

Homegirl to answer your qustion no we never get time to our selfs. We just moved in the begining of March into our new home and for 1 night while we moved we were alone, and we actually were very intimate. But those days are few and far between. I have talked to her about how I feel about it and she says that she just doesn't have a sex drive anymore. I have bought her sexy lingiere, and I try to make her feel beautful.


Thank you Sylvan I will and do try these things. But most of the time I want her and to me I feel that love making is the deepest way to share how I feel I may be wrong.

De Maria

Marriage is not about excitement. Marriage is not about enjoying sex.

Certainly sex is a major component of marriage. It is in fact, a renewal of your marriage vows. When open to life, the act of sex is a complete giving of self one to the other, essentially restating in physical terms, what your marriage vows said in words.

But, when one party wants to force another party to have sex, even if that party is not prepared to do so, then it becomes a matter of lust and not love.

Lust, eros, is the desire for self-gratification. It does not take into account the person whom you love. Or if it does, it does so only as an object to be used for self gratification.

Love, agape, on the other hand, considers what the party whom you love also desires.

Do you love your wife enough to abstain from sex until she is ready? Or did you marry only to satisfy your lust for sex?

While you decide on why you married your wife, you might want to read up on physical and psychological techniques which might make your sex life more enticing to your wife. There are vast differences in how male and female psyches and bodies respond to sexual intimacy.

Sincerely,

De Maria

yo-yo

gotta agree with sylan on this one. my husband and i have a nine month baby so my sex drive is not where it used to be. but when he romances me during the day i am much more agreeable at night. and when i say romances me, i mean sneeking up behind me for a quick snuggle and nothing more. or when he comes to find me just to tell me that he loves me and gives me a kiss then leaves. i guess its the building up during the day that puts me in the mood. just remember that women like to be told that they are sexy when they are doing ordinary things not just in the bedroom when men want to have sex. hope you get some soon!