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I have been with my wife for nine years this month we will see our fifth wedding anniversary. We have two fantastic kids and are very happy and i believe still deeply in love with each other...
however just lately the only time we make love is when my wife has been out and under the influence of drink...
we have always had a fantastic sex life and when she has had a drink we still do...
she told me the reason she cant when shes not had a drink is she feels the almighty pressure come down on her when she gets into bed with me...
earlier this year my wife had an affair which we have resolved and we are moving on... i have also in the past been unfaithfully and told her of an occasion which she didnt know about when i found out she was having an affair....she always new about the offer bits were i was unfaith full and could put it down to a time and work it out.. with this one she couldnt and this one was the only time i had gone the all the way.....
what advice can you give us to help in the bedroom...
there is love between us and i cant see that ever changing I love her to bits and want to be with her forever....
I wonder do you go out with her when she is out drinking ?
And honestly going out and getting drunk is not an answer to any problem and will only cause alot more in the long term.
And I am sorry it is hard for me to beleive someone loves someone and has had several affairs from what it sounds. But with that said if both parties want to make this work, you need seroius marriage couseling.
I didnt ask to be judged I asked for advice counselling at the momment is not a option as my wife finds it hard to talk about such things! Sometimes I am out with her when she has a drink others I am not ...I know getting drunk isnt the answer hence the reason I posted my question on here!
Everybody finds councelling hard to start off with.
But its surprising how much it helps in the long run. This is something you2 have to agree on.
Why at the moment its hard for your wife?
My Wife even though enjoys bedroom activity doesnt and never has like talking about it...even in conversations or jokingly at work, hence why councelling on a sexual nature may be just to much, which is y i wish to leave to a last resort....
No one is judging you. It is you unable to see the truth or hear it from other people. As far as marriage and trying to make it work. I am not to sure about it because there is no communication. Without communication it wont work. If somebody is unable to talk and keep the lines of communication open it will not work. Councelling is the best option here. For you and your wife.
What goes wrong in the bedroom usually begins by going wrong elsewhere. It may be invisible until it shows up in the sexual arena but that is aided by people being busy and not paying attention or people being in denial and not seeing things as they are. Sex is a lot like money, great when you have plenty but very symptomatic of something larger when you don't. This is fairly universal from what I have observed. Until you are prepared to address the source, it will be an exercise in chasing symptom after symptom. The greatest help I could ever offer is to remind you and your wife both that intimacy begins with revealing your souls, not your bodies and that great sex is born out of great intimacy and its subsequent cousin, deep and mutual trust. There isn't a hot sexual technique in the world that can compare to that. Repairing the damage done by affairs is perhaps harder than either of you thought? I know that drink is one method for forgetting, and, with all due respect, there are some understandable things to be forgotten here. I am just not very certain it will work quite that way, if that is the case. Just a thought or two to lend some perspective -- I hope that was helpful.
My Wife even though enjoys bedroom activity doesnt and never has like talking about it...even in conversations or jokingly at work, hence why councelling on a sexual nature may be just to much, which is y i wish to leave to a last resort....
You have celebrated your fifth year anniversary... and your wife STILL doesnt like talking about bedroom activity with you...
COMMUNICATION is the key, if there is no communication to me there is no relationship..
Maybe you can try working on that, and take it step by step!!
Yes i do think that communication is essential in a relationship......sorry to ask that but how many times have you tried to talk about the problem with her? and besides your bedroom problem do you have any other problems in your relationship?
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