Am I wrong?

If we had been legally separated then really there wouldn't be too much I could say! But unfortunately its not :-(

Same goes for him being a serial cheat, again I wish it wasn't so and for to long I haven't listened to my gut instinct which has always told me he is up to something I just didn't know what but the truth will always come out!

I think your real challenge is how you will redefine yourself now from what you were. The spouse of a very unfaithful person. Don't take his bad behavior as a reflection of who you are, as you were only a bystander to his issues.

Of course you miss the good parts of him, that served mostly to keep you holding out hope, for years, but its really time to let go of that chapter of your life, and look to rebuilding, and both will take time and plenty of it.

For sure you need a plan for now to cope with your feelings in a positive way, which includes venting those feeling outward not in. A journal, or diary is what you need and right here is also a good place.

You also have to have support and enough distractions to help you during those low times that surely happen, like having an umbrella to keep you dry when it rains.

Any positive action for when times get tough and dark, that gets you through it. People places and things that are positive, and that makes you happy, and gives you a sense of accomplishing something good.

Your in time management mode, as you make adjustments to your life now. Yeah its tough while its still fresh, and you figure how to best replace old habits, and thinking with new ones, but it will get better. You have already made the first step by getting rid of the guy, and ending the wondering what he is hiding. The next step is about finding out about yourself, without him. Tough but a necessary step, that I wish you luck with. You're about to learn a lot about you that you didn't know before.

Thanks Tal and everyone, its been a hard easter break, I have felt quite lonely, all my friends are in relationships or married with kids so they spent the easter hols with their family.....I have spent a lot of time thinking about life with him and life without would be and I know as hard as it is right now it will be better in the long run without him.

I hate myself for missing him partly because he is a bad man for doing what he has done to me and partly because he really won't be missing me or us.

I find it odd not being part of a family or feeling married anymore, I feel kind of lost!

Don't hate yourself, or him really, he was just unworthy of you, but of course the split will hurt because you cared, and even the worst partner has his good points. Your wounds are still fresh and it would help a lot I think to look ahead, and plan things to do to keep that lonely feeling from being so overwhelming.

You didn't mention family or friends, or I could have missed that, so do you have any, close to where you are?

Holidays are especially rough when a person is alone - I have found during the "alone" times in my life (or during the sad or troubling times) that it really did help to face one day at a time. I would think, "If I can get through today ..." and pretty soon it would be tomorrow and I would start over.

Have your married friends sort of shut you out? Your family?

I have a few friends who are great but do have families, my own family either live far away or have their own families now. I don't feel shut out but I feel like I'm intruding on their family time but they don't make me feel that way. I try to take every day as it comes and I have tried to concentrate on the bad points of our relationship instead of the good, its seems more bad than good but I have always loved him regardless. It does still feel raw and I hope the pain will fade, I just wish it was quicker. I am trying to plan ahead and am going to redecorate my spare room which will keep me busy, but it doesn't stop me missing him. Something that has occurred to me is that I don't want to be alone for the future, I want to be with someone and feel loved again and to love again. I don't no where to begin with that, I haven't dated for years and wouldn't no where to look or how to start and as my friends are not on that scene anymore we don't go out to see what's out there now! I think too much! I'm driving myself mad with thoughts of my future

Do you work with any single women? If so, maybe see if you can go to a club or even out to lunch or SOMETHING with them. That way you can put yourself out there and learn to be social before you start to date. Obviously dating right now is a bad idea, but after the divorce is Final and you've had more time to heal you can start getting to know men too. Sometimes your friends that are married will know single men too, so if you're not too terrified to go on a blind date then, when you're ready, you can allow for a blind date or a double date.

But right now, Don't worry about getting back out there. Worry about healing and then you'll find that dating isn't so bad.

Jodi...Stay strong...you will survive this! He's the one that will regret it it.

Something that has really bothered me today is that after talking to a girl cousin of mine, who knows a lot about him, has agreed with my friend who says if we weren't together what can I say.............am I wrong here?

Its really beginning to mess with my head from feeling so so so sure of what I have done and the man he is to thinking so if it did happen maybe I'm wrong and not him! BUT I feel right because I can't believe it only happened when we weren't together and ill never know for sure and will drive myself mad with it and wondering!

Why am I now confused but at same time sure!?!?!?

Give yourself a break, you just busted up a long term relationship, and you should be not only confused, but crazy, right now, but the shock, and emotional dust WILL settle down.

Then you will know you were right, all the way around.