I have two children with my husband and he has two from a prior marriage. I have an issue that I cannot seem to get past and am looking for some opionions. I am not going to use any feedback as ammo to start this fight again but am rather looking for a reality check.

My stepdaughter was graduating from the 7th grade. I was not informed of when the graduation was going to be. I made repeated attempts to get this information from both my step daughter and my husband and they said that they did not know the exact date yet. We received an invitation in the mail from my husband's ex wife inviting us to the Graduation party which was on a Saturday, I assumed the graduation event was taking place on Saturday. So, to confirm I called his ex and she said the "event" itself was on Friday. I had a business trip planned for the week of the graduation and my travel would not get me home until 7 pm on Friday evening. I informed my husband that I would miss most of the event as it started at 6 and my flight arrived at 7. He was extremely upset and told me to change my business trip. I made it clear to him that I could not and that if I had known the date of the "event" I would have tried to move the dates. He said that if it were "my child" that I would never miss an event like this! Well, I explained that if it were my child I would have know when the event would have been and wouldn't have made travel arrangements and would have done the same for his daughter. Anyway, I explained my situation to my coworkers and was able to get an earlier flight home and raced through the airport (I was also 6 months pregnant at the time) to catch my 2nd flight. I took a taxi to the "event" complete with suitcase and when I arrived my husband was pissed that I missed the "Speech". So much for worthy efforts to be a great provider and stepmother.

Ok on to the next day. His ex is having the party and the invite was 4-6 p.m. When 6 rolled around I informed my husband that we needed to go on home. His entire family had come out for this "event" and they were also attending the party. At this point I expected my husband to gather the family and head back to our house for some dinner etc. I was wrong, my husband informed me he was staying and I could go home. He asked one of the children at this party to go with me and stay with our daughter so that I could come back to the party. I thought this was insane but whatever.. Well I came back to get him at 8 and drop the sitter off and pick him up. He beligerantly left with me but was irritated the entire time. His family stayed at the party. Now, this was an adult party and not even about the 7th grade graduation because his daughter had left hours before that to go to another event. We get home and my husband said, not sure why you need me here, going back to the party and he left me at home by myself. Now, does anyone find this strange? Were my expectations too high thinking that my husband would do the proper thing and get his and his family's out of there and back to our place (our daughter was 1 at the time and needed to be in bed at 7)? Was I being selfish? I am still reeling over his behavior and just need some other perspective.

The first event your husband was very rude I think, as you had to shuffle and hustle just to be there. A little understanding would have been great, but his reaction had to be frusstrating and hurtful. Very inconsiderate on his part.

The party though was another story, as assumptions on your part, and the plans and wishes of others, caused a conflict that didn't need to be, with a little communication and compromise. I've put many babies to sleep at another's home, and they usually fall asleep anyway, so the big need to go home and making your husband go, may not have been the best course of action at that time, or you and your child could have gone home anytime.

How come I'm not seeing a lot of co-operation, or communication from either of you? Working together to solve your problems, in a way that benefits you both, is a cornerstone of a solid healthy relationship, to my thinking. Having remembered your other posts (and great advice) gave me some understanding, as to the underlying issues that flavor your judgements, and actions in this case. You and your husband could benefit from honest dialogue and some counseling.

I think your husbond is selfish, and I think he is a jerk! How dare him be like that twards you, he should have thought of his family first, not the party! There was no need for that at all! No way should you think your are wrong, you have every right to be upset.

I have always been very open and a very clear communicater with him and very clear on my expectations. As for this party, the expectation was we would be at his ex's house from 4-6 and his family would leave at the same time. Wouldn't you think it would be weird if your in-laws were sitting on the deck drinking cocktails after their son left? I made it very clear to my husband that his family was invited to our home afterwords. But they were just having soooo much fun that it didn't matter. I am sorry, but there was no chance at all of my putting my child to bed in my husband's ex-wife's home so that I could sit around and hang out with his ex and her family when the party ended at 6. I am sorry but even I have my limits. I have been sucking up this relationship with her for years and always done so with a smile, was it too much to ask that we stick with the plan and show some respect for me, the pregnant "current" wife.

I had been traveling all week. His family had been there for several days and had spent plenty of time with his ex (which I think is weird and rude anyway). So I think that asking my husband to leave the party (at 8, two hours after the party ended) is not unreasonable. I was 6 months pregnant and needed some help with bath and nightly sleeping routine.

We have been to 3 marriage couselors. This discussion/ issue is just the tip of the iceberg. I hear what you are saying and I do appreciate your advice but this is the type of behavior that broke down our marriage. He never put our marriage first. He doesn't know how to communicate, he just acts like a 14 year old boy.. Sorry, I am venting here in general and not ranting at you.. sorry..

I understand as I have read your other posts, and over all I agree with you, as some change has to occur, as its obvious by his actions you are not first in his life. You can't change them, or how they behave but you have options on your actions. I have told many here, where there is no honest communication, there is no relationship, but I have to temper that with consideration to your pregnancy as it may magnify your feelings. Rant or vent here as much as you want, no apology needed.

You have every right to be angery with your husbond! He has no right to treat you like that, and I think it is very strange that he is hangin with the Ex wife. I understand they have children together, and to get along for the children, I am all for that. And for you getting along with her I think is so awesome, I wish things could be like that in my situation. But anyway, for him to but that first and you and your unborn child last is totally uncalled for. You deserve someone that is going to respect you, and someone that is going to love you so much... He either needs to ship up or ship out! Good luck to you, and your little ones, you're a wonderful mom and a wonderful step mom don't ever forget that!