Hi everyone!

I am new to this forum. There is something which I need to talk about. It is really killing me inside and I really need to get it out. Well, I am almost 29 years old and this is my first year of marriage. I am married to a very loving, caring and understanding husband. We dated for two years before marriage. I love him very much and we are very very happy together. Itís like a dream come true for us. He is a very gentle man. He would never do anything to hurt me in any way.

I have had many intimate boyfriends in the past before him. I had a very serious relationship with one of them. We even discussed marriage but I was cheated and dumped which made me heartbroken and shattered very badly as a consequence of which I never believed in relationships from then on. After the break up, I had many short term boyfriends Ė none of them lasted long. I never made it an effort to survive my relationship with any one of them because I never believed in one. The break up with my boyfriend imprinted in my mind this vague feeling that all boys are the same and they all are after just one thing and thatís it.

My husband is aware of my past. I have honestly confessed everything to him because I did not want to keep him in the dark and it kind of felt like as if I was cheating him. He is a very understanding and wise man in a sense he says that as long as I love him, my past does not matter to him. But there are few things which I have not yet confessed to him.

(1) Me and my husband as lovers, we apparently had a speedy intimacy. As usual, I never took our relationship seriously. During our third week of dating, I ran into one of my ex boyfriends (not the one whom I had a serious relationship with though). He was already married then. As it turned out, he invited me to have dinner with him for the sake of old friendship. I agreed. I told my boyfriend that Iím going with my ex just as friends. He agreed to let me go. Everything started with a glass of wine. Both of us got tipsy and we ended up having $ex. But we didnít finish the whole intercourse because both of us were really drunk and didnít have the energy to.

But I was still not sorry for what I did. Perhaps because I never expected that I will end up marrying the person whom Iím cheating on.

(2) Then things started getting really serious between me and my boyfriend. I started realizing that this time itís for real. I started falling really deeply and madly in love with him. Things were going really cool between us Ďtill one day we had a huge fight and I demanded break up. Immediately after, I realized that I could not live without him and that my whole existence is attached to him. It was second day of break up. I called him up and asked for forgiveness but he gave me a cold shoulder. That pissed me off. Everything from the past reflected back. I blamed myself for falling in love for the second time. I went out with another ex boyfriend of mine and got drunk and we kissed. But this time it made me feel real, real bad. It made me feel sin, dirt and filth. I was ashamed. Very, very awfully ashamed of what I did. The same evening I went to my boyfriendís house and again asked him to reconsider our relationship. He agreed on getting back and we slept together that night. Everything went on smoothly from then on.

(3) When I was in college, way before meeting my husband, I was pregnant from one of my ex for which I had to do abortion and I havenít mentioned this fact to my husband either.

Now, my question is should I or should I not confess my guilt? Is it really necessary to confess? Am I being unfaithful by not confessing? I donít think that thereís anyway my husband could find out what Iím hiding, but still it kind of gives me this sinking feeling inside like as though Iím not being 100% pure with him. Do u think that if I confessed the stuff, our relationship will remain the same? Do u think he will blame me for not telling the things before the marriage? Do u think he will still have faith in me? Will he lose trust in our marriage? Please any kind of opinion will be appreciated.