I've been married to my husband for 15 years. He is verbally, emotionally, psychologically and sometimes physically abusive. He belittle's me, calls me names, degrades me, yells at me, criticizes me and is a very negative person. He has pushed me, shoved me, throws things and has thrown water in my face on several occasions. Of course there is always an excuse for why he does what he does.............it's usually MY fault, I provoked him or something.

I never seem to make him happy. I have spent our whole marriage trying to be who he wants me to be, but my efforts have never been good enough. I'm tired of trying to be something I'm not. I'm tired of walking on egg shells.

We have a 12 year old son. I'm worried that one day he will treat women the same way his dad does. After all, my husband learned it from his dad. I don't know if it would be better for me to leave, or better if I stay and keep "trying". My husband says that I don't try.......that I don't give him a chance. He's willing to keep trying, but I feel guilty because I just don't seem to have it within me to keep coming back for more of the same treatment.

Just for the record, my husband is a good provider and has never made me feel like I've had to work outside the home. He can be a very tender, loving man, but I rarely see that side of him anymore. There is just no connection there between us anymore, and I feel guilty about it, like it's somehow my fault.......again.

It's not easy for me to walk away, since I am a Christian, and feel it would not be the "right" thing to do. I carry a tremendous amount of guilt because I feel like our problems are my fault.....that I haven't tried hard enough. What do you all think? Am I crazy for staying? Or should I want to keep trying?

Fr_Chuck

Walking away for your safety is not being wrong and certainly not being unChristians. In fact I would go as far to say that anyone how would want a women to remain in a abusive relationship is not a chrsitian by any meaning of the word.

so get a legal seperation or at least thrown him out, or move out yourelf

Loui

Don't let him do that to you. It isn't wrong as said before, if he is abusing you. I believe god wouldn't mind. I would go away for a while, because it can get dangerous!
I hope this helps!
Good Luck!
~Loui

N0help4u

Do you think it is the right thing to do for you to stay with him and your son growing up and copying the same behavior by treating his wife and possibly kids the same?
The Bible says Wives are to submit to the authority of their husbands. “You wives will submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; He gave His life to be her Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything”

The husband is not to take on the role of the dictator, but show respect for his wife and her opinions as well. “In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife. No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it...” (Ephesians 5:28-29). “So I say again, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:33). “You wives must submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. And you husbands must love your wives and never treat them harshly” (Colossians 3:18-19). “In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat her with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. If you don't treat her as you should, your prayers will not be heard” (1 Peter 3:7). From these verses, we see that love and respect characterize the roles of both husbands and wives. If these are present, authority, headship, love and submission will be no problem for either partner.

Submission is a chain reaction where you submit to your husband AS HE submits to God.
The link between him and God is not there.
Do you think God wants you to stay in an abusive relationship where you can not be whole and are oppressed?

Being abused does not help honor God.