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    whimpyme's Avatar
    whimpyme Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
    		  
    #1

    Oct 24, 2009, 09:32 PM
    Abusive Husband
    How can I stop the verbal abuse from my husband? I quess he really does not see anything wrong and when he tells the story, he never tells what really happens.
    mudweiser's Avatar
    mudweiser Posts: 2,750, Reputation: 707
    Ultra Member
    		  
    #2

    Oct 24, 2009, 09:33 PM

    Leave him.

    That'll stop it completely.

    He abuses you because he doesn't respect you. Abuse [in any form] is NOT love.

    Sarah
    Enigma1999's Avatar
    Enigma1999 Posts: 2,223, Reputation: 1077
    Welbeing Expert
    		  
    #3

    Oct 24, 2009, 09:36 PM
    Hello W,

    How long have you been together with your husband? Also, how long has the verbal abuse been going on?

    Thanks.
    mudweiser's Avatar
    mudweiser Posts: 2,750, Reputation: 707
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    #4

    Oct 24, 2009, 10:00 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by obaybay View Post
    verbal abuse is ridiculous. it reminds me of highschool. maybe he needs to grow up. tell him you want a break till he stops the crap and grows up.
    There's different ways of being verbally abusive. It's not always "Your such an effing skank".

    It could be "I love you, your the best wife ever" in a sarcastic tone. It could be telling you constantly "you know you should make yourself useful around here. This place is a mess".
    It could be "You should check out that gym down the road" "You should really stop on the snacking" "You shouldn't wear that shirt, it doesn't suit you"--- if you get criticized like this constantly that could be emotional and verbal abuse.

    It's basically using your words to hurt someone.

    Sarah
    Gemini54's Avatar
    Gemini54 Posts: 2,871, Reputation: 1116
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    #5

    Oct 25, 2009, 12:51 AM
    You can't stop your husband from verbally abusing you. Much as we'd like to, it's really difficult to make anyone do anything.

    What you can do is stop responding. Leave the room, don't react. Leave the house if you have to.

    Having said all that verbal abuse is unacceptable in any relationship.

    Perhaps you should leave the house and never go back. That would stop him.
    Catsmine's Avatar
    Catsmine Posts: 3,826, Reputation: 739
    Pest Control Expert
    		  
    #6

    Oct 25, 2009, 08:26 AM
    You make it sound like he isn't aware that he's hurting you with his comments. Does he know that he's being abusive?
    whimpyme's Avatar
    whimpyme Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
    		  
    #7

    Oct 25, 2009, 09:34 AM

    Soon will be 33 years. About threemonths lately really bad. But before that too for years it comes and goes
    phlanx's Avatar
    phlanx Posts: 213, Reputation: 13
    Full Member
    		  
    #8

    Oct 25, 2009, 09:40 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Gemini54 View Post
    You can't stop your husband from verbally abusing you. Much as we'd like to, it's really difficult to make anyone do anything.

    What you can do is stop responding. Leave the room, don't react. Leave the house if you have to.

    Having said all that verbal abuse is unacceptable in any relationship.

    Perhaps you should leave the house and never go back. That would stop him.
    As Gemini states, you can't make a horse drink water.

    However, trying to understand the problem can bring its on reward

    You say that the verbal abuse comes and goes over 33 years

    Sounds like something is niggling him and maybe he doesn't know what it is or what the cure is

    Communication is required between you both, for him to try to explain what the matter is and for you to listen and understand, and then for him to listen and understand you

    Through Understanding we learn peace
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
    Expert
    		  
    #9

    Oct 25, 2009, 11:25 AM

    1. if you want to try and stop him
    a. the minute he starts, you tell him to stop and/or just walk off even out of the house when he does it.

    2. record him and play it back to him to let himi know how it sounds.

    In the end, most likely leave him,
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
    Marriage Expert
    		  
    #10

    Oct 25, 2009, 02:07 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by whimpyme View Post
    How can I stop the verbal abuse from my husband? I quess he really does not see anything wrong and when he tells the story, he never tells what really happens.
    How is he being verbally abusive?

    Is it what he has said to you? Is he telling stories about you to other people and leaving out details so that it puts you in a negative light?

    I agree that you need to discuss your concerns with him.
    artlady's Avatar
    artlady Posts: 4,208, Reputation: 1477
    Ultra Member
    		  
    #11

    Oct 25, 2009, 02:24 PM

    You need to set down some firm rules with him about what is a line that he is not allowed to cross with you.

    When you are getting along and he is an a relaxed mood tell him you want to have a serious talk.

    Before hand make a list of recent things he has said to you so you have some examples.

    Tell him how you feel when he says these things to you and also tell him that is not how you expect to be treated.

    Make it clear to him that just because you are married ,that gives him no right to talk to you anyway he pleases.

    He needs to learn the rules of fair fighting.Below is a link that will give you some ground rules to fair fighting.

    Discuss them together.If you have a printer,print them out and keep them on the fridge where you both can access them as needed.

    Be firm in your demand for respect and do not accept anything less.He did vow to honor you and verbal abuse is anything but honorable.

    37 Rules to Fighting Fair Happy Lists
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