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Hi everyone i am new here.
I got married at the age of 16 it was all my parents decision and so was the man i married, never ever saw him before the wedding day. I just did what my family wanted on my wedding day when i saw my husband, i did not like him but it was too late then he is just going on to his 50s and i'm 21.
After the wedding when i went to his house met him and his family properly i couldnt believe what had happened with me. My husband was mentaly ill, physically ill and old i was in shock i spoke to my mother she said you have married him now so you have a duty to him.
So i had no choice i look after him, have looked after him for the past 6 years and i am so worn out now i have no life of my own, i wanted to study and i cant. My husbands family are always out having a good time and people/relatives say to me you are just what they wanted so that they can live their lives.
I've had enough, going through depression and really really worn out and hurt. What do i do?
Hi thank you for your reply, i am asian/pakistani and i live in london uk. I have spoken to my family about divorcing my husband they went mad i feel trapped and it seems thats what every one wanted.
I have not evn spoke to another man in 6years and i'm still a virgin i have not been unfaithful.
Here is a link to services in your area.I hope this helps you ,since it is clear that your on your own.Please use the link provided. It is for domestic abuse but they should be able to put you in the right direction. A-to-Z of local Help
Did your parents happen to get something in return for your marrying this man? Were they aware of his problems prior to you getting married? If not, could they have agreed to something under false pretenses?
That is what hurts when i asked my mother she did not act shocked she just said now your married to him you have to fullfil ur duty.
There was numerous rumours within the family that alot of money was given to my parents from my mother in law but never got to the bottom of it.
Also why wouldnt they help now i have no where else to go its your family you turn to but my family have decided to leave me to suffer.
As artlady said, different cultures will handle things differently. I don't know what consequences you might face if you tried to leave him. If you divorced how would your family respond? How would his family respond? Is there any family member or trusted friend you could turn to for help or at least support? If the risk would be too great to divorce him, would it at least be possible for you to spend some time with friends....get out of the house once in awhile, have friends over, do some things that you enjoy....maybe go back to school to further your education, etc.?
I hope you can find a way to deal with the situation that will cause you the least amount of heartache.
There can be serious danger in some cultures for even thinking about divorce, Even in the US or the UK, you could find there is no support even serious threats.
So only you know if and what you can do, it may mean moving and leaving with no contract ever to our family
If you live in the UK, then there are many services that can provide you with excellent and confidential advice on your situation.
If you want to leave, as Fr_Chuck has already said, it could put you in serious physical danger or of being ostracised from your family.
You will need to give serious thought and planning to what you want to do, as leaving may in fact mean that you never see your family again.
It seems that they do not want to support you in leaving, so you may be forced to do this on your own with the assistance of one of the Women's Refuges.
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