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stephysteph8978 · Apr 27, 2008, 11:52 AM

I'm 19 years old and I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. Everyone says that 19 is too young to get married, but I think it's more of a matter of how well you get along and if you could stand spending the rest of your life with that person. Could I get some help here?

N0help4u · Apr 27, 2008, 12:51 PM

If your love is real it should still be as real later when you are older
But I believe that you can know you are right for each other at 19
It is a matter of being mature and knowing when the time is right.
I personally do not think age is as much a factor as compatibility.
At 30 we can still end up marrying the wrong one so I don't think it is so much a matter of too young.

Homegirl 50 · Apr 27, 2008, 04:55 PM

I think if you love each other now, you will two years from now. You love each other as teens, you don't know how you will change and be as adults. You change a lot between 19 and say 23 or so. Do you two have plans for college?
Personally I think it's too young. There is so much growing and maturing you will do in the next few years, you need that "finding yourself time" Take it. It only comes once.

lawanwadee · Apr 27, 2008, 07:31 PM

Maturity levels are different in each person, someone could be matured and handle responsibilities so well while some still act like kids. The most important issue is "Are you really ready?"

If you think you are well prepared, it's fine. I mean other than love, do you have education, jobs, $$, place to live, etc. The fact is we all live in material world, when poverty enters the door, love flies out of the window.

Homegirl 50 · Apr 28, 2008, 07:13 AM

Lawanwadee, made an excellent point. Are you guys prepared for the financial responsibilities of a household? What is the is a baby, can you afford that? Wanting to be married and love is not enough if you can't afford a household. If you are 19 and he is too, I can't imagine you two are making that much money, and it dies take money to live.

ScottGem · Apr 28, 2008, 07:51 AM

A person may or may not be too young for marriage, but a specific adult age isn't.

I'm going to assume that you are mature enough to know how you feel about him. Being together 2 years is a good sign, but its at the low end of that scale.

The real key here is your financial preparation. Are you both going to college? Do you both have jobs? What if you get pregnant? If you can respond with the answer to these questions we can judge better YOUR situation and help further.

tishsuz · Apr 28, 2008, 09:42 AM

I do believe at 19, you may not know your heart entirely. If your love is real, it will last until one or both of you finish college. Then you will be better equipt to deal with what life throws you. One of the biggest problems in marriages is financal. College first would solve that one. Give it some thought.

larue_lisa · Apr 28, 2008, 10:33 AM

I'm only 17 years old almost 18... I have been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years. So I know how you feel about being young and in love... 19 is young to get married yes but I believe that if you two have been together for 2 years, the teenage years I'm sure you've been through some rough stuff, the teenage years are the hardest to hold on to because the boys always want to go out and party with there friends.
I see a lot of people on here believe that 19 is too young because of college, but if you go to college you two could always rent a house down by the college or go to tech school. 19 is young but if you have been together for 2 years out of the teenage life I believe you will only grow to love them more...
This is speaking out of my own expeirence with my boyfriend, we have been through a lot but we have still been willing to forgive and still love...

Good luck!

ScottGem · Apr 28, 2008, 10:59 AM

Originally Posted by larue_lisa

im only 17 years old almost 18.... .
this is speaking out of my own expeirence with my boyfriend, we have been through a lot but we have still been willing to forgive and still love...

good luck!

I'm sorry Lisa, but 17 is not old enough to speak from any real experience. I don't know what you consider "a lot" but marriage brings a set of different things into play.

Your idea about renting a house near the school just shows that you really don't understand. Where are they going to get the money to pay for this rental? Where are they going to get the funds to furnish it? Do you understand that you generally have to put up at least two months rent before you start living someplace? And assuming they can get jobs that earn enough to pay the rent AND put food on the table. How much time is that going to leave for studies? Between classes, working and studying, how much time do you think they would actually be together? Do you have a clue how much of a strain that puts on a relationship?

Its nice that you want to help, but encouraging a 19 yr old to get married, especially without knowing the whole story of their situation, is not helping.

larue_lisa · Apr 28, 2008, 11:12 AM

Excuse me but I do happen to know all of this you have putten in your previous message.
I do live with my boyfriend, I go to school, and I work.
I do happen to know that you generally have to put up 1 MONTH plus security deposit.
I am not a stupid KID (as you would say)
As for furnishings... most parents will allow there now adults to take there bed, TV,dressers, clothing.
As for kitchen stuff, most apartments come equipt with fridge,stove,and microwave.
Over time you can come to buy stuff that may not be super nice but are cheap,
Like you can buy a couch from salvation army,love inc. or any place that sells used furniture. I don't appreicate being called immature becaue I do know more then you would guess and I will continue to give a 19 year old information on getting married.
I know people who are married and have children at this age and are doing great living in apartment, going to school and going to work. So please don't put down the people who do it.

larue_lisa · Apr 28, 2008, 11:15 AM

Also, telling a 19 year old to not get married without knowing the whole story is not in your place either.

janinereed · Apr 28, 2008, 11:22 AM

Hiya,I got married at 19 and it's the best thing I ever did but that's not to say it's the best thing for you. Getting married is such a huge step and you have to take it seriously,its best to wait until you know it's the right time and you don't have any doubts.

ScottGem · Apr 28, 2008, 11:42 AM

Originally Posted by larue_lisa

also, telling a 19 year old to not get married without knowing the whole story is not in your place either.

Did I do that? If you read what I said I did NOT do that. In fact, what I did was ask for more details that I could then use to give a more reasoned answer.

Homegirl 50 · Apr 28, 2008, 01:14 PM

Originally Posted by larue_Lisa

im only 17 years old almost 18.... i have been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years. so i know how you feel about being young and in love... 19 is young to get married yes but i believe that if you two have been together for 2 years, the teenage years im sure youve been through some rough stuff, the teenage years are the hardest to hold on to because the boys always want to go out and party with there friends.
i see a lot of people on here believe that 19 is too young because of college, but if you go to college you two could always rent a house down by the college or go to tech school. 19 is young but if you have been together for 2 years out of the teenage life i believe you will only grow to love them more...
this is speaking out of my own experience with my boyfriend, we have been through a lot but we have still been willing to forgive and still love...

good luck!

The "rough stuff" you go through as teenagers does not equate to adult life. Your outlook on life changes so much when you are in your 20's. All those things you thought were so cool as a teen, you won't believ you though half of that stuff once you're in your 20s
If you live in a college town getting a place close to school will cost big money, If you are a student you will have to work full time and go to school, that does not leave time for much else. It is very immature to even think you can work go to college and have a marriage at 19. Doing that is hard enough for adult couple who do that.

larue_lisa · Apr 28, 2008, 01:19 PM

Whatever. That's fine call me immature I've probably been through more then you people in your 20's.
Tell this poor woman that she wouldn't get married at 19 because you think that its wrong. Maybe she feels her heart is ready and maybe she doesn't want to go to a full time college.
I think saying 19 is too young, is crazy but if you want to tell her that go ahead. Your probably still single if you think you can't find love at 19.

But whatever I'm done messaging on this waste of a time question, if your 19 and ready do it... if your not don't.. that's all there is to it.

Homegirl 50 · Apr 28, 2008, 01:34 PM

Young lady I am 54 years old. I met my husband when I was 18 and was in love, but we did not marry until I was 22. We were both working and were able to live in a nice apartment and bought a house a year later.
As in love as we thought were, we had a lot of growing up to do, be broke up several times during those years. By the time we were older we knew we were ready, we did some counseling and then got married.
!9 is young, whether you want to acknowledge it or not, but if she wants to do it, she needs to think realistically about it. Love is not enough. Make sure she is prepared for the changes and sacrifices that will have to be made.

ScottGem · Apr 28, 2008, 05:31 PM

Originally Posted by larue_lisa

whatever. thats fine call me immature ive probably been through more then you people in your 20's.
tell this poor woman that she wouldnt get married at 19 because you think that its wrong. maybe she feels her heart is ready and maybe she doesnt want to go to a full time college.
i think saying 19 is too young, is crazy but if you want to tell her that go ahead. your probably still single if you think you can't find love at 19.

but whatever im done messaging on this waste of a time question, if your 19 and ready do it... if your not dont.. thats all there is to it.

I'm going to call you immature, for a few reasons. A mature person would understand that an older person might have knowledge and experience a 17 yr old has not. A mature person would not act rude to other people and take offense when their advice is disagreed with. A mature person would not encourage someone to take actions that have a high potential of failure.

I haven't a clue what you claim to have been through, but I seriously doubt its as bad as you claim. I may be wrong here, but your posts don't seem to indicate a mature reflexive person, but a petualnt child who gets her dander up if someone criticizes them.

I'm sorry if you find this insulting, the truth hurts sometime.

N0help4u · Apr 28, 2008, 05:58 PM

Legally you are allowed to get married at 18 so you just need to be as sure as you can be and have an idea on how you are going to manage and discuss things to make sure you are on the same page. You need to make sure you agree on how you want to manage money, where you see your marriage and life in 5 years or 10 years etc... how many kids you would like, where you would like to live, etc...
I lived very poor and had 4 kids I managed with $12, a year about as good as people that make $24, to $60, a year because I bought second hand and budgeted my money really well.