hi:) [mi name:rather be unknown]. I'm in a RELATIONSHIP.
I love him A LOT, we had an instance connection when we first started dating..
but when we stared dating I told him I was older than mi real age[I told him
that I was soon to be 18] but mi REAL age is 16. he is 22. but I wasn't the ONLY
ONE that had to come clean about something. I told him and he was pretty upset about
it. but than he had to let me know something, he told me that he was illegal trying to become
legal. I am NOT EVEN SURE about all that. but I was wondering if there's any way
we can get married and he can get legal? if you can help me, please contact me ASAP
thanks for your time. [BTW(By The Way) I live in NY/TX]

mudweiser

You shouldn't get married with this type of baggage. You should get counseling!

Another person cannot, will not, will never "save" you from your past. You have those things to deal with on your own. It's good that he's motivated you to go to school but I see that as another manipulative tactic.

If you were forced to raise yourself then you should be adult enough to make adult decisions, like going to school without being told to do so.

Frankly, I don't take sympathy that you and your parents don't get along. If you tried talking to them then move on. There's no use in wasting your time moping about your parents if they don't even care that an older man lives with you. It's disturbing that they don't care or haven't cared.

I really suggest therapy. You need it. Without it you will make very bad decisions- especially without proper parental guidance.

Sorry if I seemed callous but that's just how I see it.

Sarah

OnlyOnelOve

I do talk to someone, and that's the last thing I do is just sit here talking about them. cause I don't even care about them, I try not to live in the past. but ppl keep trying to bring me down and it's hard mi parents blame everything on me. I still hold mi head up high though. I dunno if you were raised in that type of situation, but it very difficult to be in it. see it's easier for you to suggested things to me but in the end you don't have to live with it so. but anyways thanks for the little help you have gavin' me

mudweiser

Unfortunately I lived it. I had unconsented sex in my early teens with a much older man. My mother would lock me in the basement when she threw a party. I was left alone for hours upon returning home from school in grade 1--- however I lived through it.

I know what it's like. It's not easy. Getting help is better than no help. You need some sort of guidance from an adult-- that's NOT your boyfriend. A counselor, a teacher, even children's aid can help.

Sarah

ScottGem

He is illegal in more than one way:

The age of consent in Texas is 17 (Texas Penal Code Section 21.11). However , "...It is an affirmative defense to prosecution under this section that the actor...was not more than three years older than the victim and of the opposite sex...(and) did not use duress, force, or a threat against the victim at the time of the offence" and is not a registered sex offender {Section 21.11(b)}.

You are under the age of consent and he is more than 3 years older than you. Therefore he is guilty of statutory rape. And yes, your parents could get into trouble for allowing him to have sex with you.

If you do care anything about this person, you will tell him to stay away from you until you are 18.

zippit

i think mudwieser has given you alot of help

what you do with it is up to you

Catsmine

Only one love, I'm going to put all the emotional issues and "whys" aside.

You're in a bad situation, but it's not irretrievable.

You need to close your legs and open your brain. Get through school with enough education to become able to support yourself. Your parents aren't doing it, your man cannot do it yet, so you have to.

After you're legal, worry about him, parents, marriage, sponsorship, and all that. You are not allowed to do anything about it yet by law.

stevetcg

Mud... moraloutrage.net is the resourse I use to find consolodated laws on sexual assault of minors. They have each state's laws laid out.

Just disregard the fact that the purpose of the site is to overturn statutory rape laws... (which I just noticed since Ive always jumped directly to the laws pages)

HelpinHere

If you really care, you will get away from him. He is only making your life worse, believe it or not.
Not only will he get into trouble, he will get into trouble for two big reasons:
Illegal Immigrant
Statuatory Rape

If your parents don't care about you, there's nothing you can do about that. All you can do, is care about you. Wasting your time with this guy, especially in a situation like yours, is only hurting you more, and could get him deported or thrown in jail.

Close your legs, tell him to wait two years or go find another manipulative girl he can take advantage of, focus on your schoolwork and become a better person than your mom is.

That is all you can do, and trying anything else is immoral and illegal.

morgaine300

This is telling me a lot right here. He's the first person you've met who you felt has loved you, cared, and supported you in things you needed to accomplish in your life. Let's assume for a moment that he's not using you. (If he knows our laws, he'd realize he can't get legal by this route. And perhaps where he comes from 16 is a good age to be married. We don't know that, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt for the moment.)

It's understandable that you would feel something very strongly towards this person, if he is the "only" person that shows you love and support. It's understandable that you might even love him, in some sense. It's even possible that having sex with this guy feels like something loving and caring, for once, instead of being like rape. It sounds like you're clinging to the first person who has shown any kindness.

So it's going to be very easy for you to get caught up in this and assume that what you're feeling is the kind of love you feel for someone you want to marry. But if you've never felt that kind of love, how do you know this is it? I'm thinking it's not. There are exceptions, but what I'm seeing is gratitude to someone who actually seems to care, not romantic love.

When you're 16, it's very difficult to listen to people who are older and think that they have no clue what they're talking about and that they don't understand where you are coming from. At that age, you're trying to be an adult on some level, and therefore wanting to make your own decisions, run your own life... and definitely not wanting to listen to anyone older. Hon, we've all been 16. Even if we haven't lived your circumstances, we've still all been 16 and we know how that goes, not wanting to listen to anyone older with any kind of experience.

I thought I was in love when I was 16 also, like I seriously thought I was in love. I can look back on that now and realize it meant absolutely nothing. Yeah, I liked the guy, I was interested in him, I thought I would like to spend the rest of my life with him. Being older, and having been in love for real, deeply in love, I can look back on that and realize it was absolutely nothing. I mean really, it was nothing. But at the time it felt very real, and it hurt, a lot, when I thought I couldn't have him. It always feels like that when you're 16. As it turns out, he's gay. He didn't even really realize that himself at the time -- which tells you how well you know yourself when you're only 16. (He was 17 actually.) We kept in touch and have a good friendship for a long time.

And when you get older, you realize it was really nothing. That might be hard to believe right now. But as someone else stated (forget who, sorry), you haven't really fully developed yet. You could do some drastic changing over the new few years, or even next 10 years, or longer. But you will only understand this once you get older. And then you'll be in a marriage you shouldn't be in. And then you'll be a divorce statistic.

Perhaps that doesn't matter to you now, but marriage is a very serious event. And you shouldn't be doing it just to keep him from getting in trouble. That's a terrible reason. He can move out on his own. You can continue to see him. If you emotionally feel something strongly for him, you can be good friends. If he's not taking advantage of you, he shouldn't be opposed to that.

I also know that you might be hurt over having to go this direction. Unfortunately in life, we do get hurt sometimes. That happens to all of us too, and sometimes it can be very difficult to face that, especially when you have to make the decision to do it.

morgaine300

Yes, Gemini, and sometimes we've already royally screwed up before we learn something. Been there plenty of times.