Does this sentence make sense?

flameruckus · #1 Jan 4, 2009, 10:42 AM

Is this sentence grammatically correct? (I need it for a personal essay.)

As I look back on my life, I realize I have completed many accomplishments, cultivated beautiful personal relationships, and created a strong legacy to be left behind.

N0help4u · Jan 4, 2009, 10:50 AM

It makes sense but is rather long it would look better if you broke it down into two or three sentences.

As I look back on my life, I realize I have completed many accomplishments. I feel I have cultivated beautiful personal relationships, and created a strong legacy to be left behind.

smearcase · Jan 4, 2009, 11:39 AM

I think it is redundant in two places. Completed accomplishments?? Accomplish is defined as completing. How about "achieved many goals".
A legacy can't be left anywhere except behind.
I would suggest "and created a positive and inspiring legacy"
I am just trying to get rid of the redundancy and this is just my opinion.



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