[GloriaStephanie]

Everything happened so fast, and maybe that's why we're in this situation. We went to preschool together but we started talking January 2008, I saw him and fell in love.[cliche] I was fed up with they guy I was with at the time. And my husband was my hero and rescued me. We got together feb. 15, 08. We were inseparable. Did everything together. We talked about babies all the time and .well decided to have one. [dont know where my mind was att] our beautiful baby girl was born on new years, and we got married on valentines.
He started to become abusive when a guy would look or ask me something. Then later it would just be for every little thing. Growing up I was used to getting anything I want and was always shopping and basically had everything done for me. But I tried my best to learn how to cook, and clean up what I could.
He works out of town and makes a mess as soon as he gets through that door.
He's out of town right now and I missed his called. I called him as soon I saw his missed call. He always accuses me of cheating on him. I'm fed up. He shouldn't have married me if he wasn't going to trust me.
He smokes[not just cigarettes] so while we were arguing I told him that I hate that he smokes, and that I wanted him to stop or at least not smoke at home or around the baby.
And he asked why, and I told him "First off you don't have the money to be wasting it on that"
He said yes I do, I told him he didn't if he couldn't pay the rent on time, and couldn't pay the light. He said you're just mad because you can't go shopping all the time. I told him that I didn't care. And he said I try to take you out to eat. And I said when was the last time you took me out? He said I bought you a $7 burger. [I think this is what made him flip] $7 oh WOW and how much do you spend on weed? [No answer]
I want a divorce we're done. I hate you, you're not the same person I met, I HATE YOUR ATTITUDE.
I stayed quiet. He said he's going to come get all his things tomorrow when he comes into town.
What do I do? Does he really mean it? He sounded so serious. And told me that he would tell his family things so that they can hate me.
I don't know what to do. I can't pay to live here I'm a stay at home mom. I'm filling out applications right now though. I just really don't want my daughter to grow up with separated parents.

[Fr_Chuck]

Let me see, he uses drugs, abuses you, makes messes and it appears has a attitude with you.

So why exactly do you not want a divorce.

You noted you "try to cook and clean" what exactly do you mean, if you make hot dogs and canned chili you are cooking.

[Justwantfair]

Time to contact a divorce attorney.

As a stay at home mother you need to be there as soon as possible to have some sort of marital/child support established as soon as possible.

Let him leave, why do you want a man that treats you the way you describe in your life? Don't be upset when you know you deserve better.

[Gemini54]

It's too much too soon - but you already know that. You were swept away by a fantasy and now you're facing the reality. It sucks doesn't it?

You both need to grow up. You're still both behaving like spoilt children.

You have a child, and you now have serious responsibilities so all the threats and arguments are bull-$hit. You need to stop thinking that someone will rescue you and he needs to stop smoking weed - it's really, really bad for the baby and for him, in the long run.

When he comes back you need to talk like grown up, responsible people. Exercise some restraint for heaven's sake!

What is important to you?
Do you still love each other?
What do you want for the future?
How can you create that with your child?

Instead of blaming each other make an attempt to work things out and talk things through - neither of you are the same as when you first met, and now you have a child. Think of her rather than your petty squabbles for a change.

[kpegelow]

No one has a right to beat you up, treat you as less than human, degrade you, be verbally abusive to you or otherwise. You are his helpmate, not his whipping girl. Get thee to a divorce lawyer and find out your rights and responsibilities under the law so that you and your daughter's future needs are fairly treated. Put your child's needs before your own since you are now a mother. Don't degrade one another in the child's presence even after the divorce. If it is not possible to remain in contact and act as responsible adults, then go for full custody if your state allows it, but most states will not allow custody as a means of retaliation.

If you are in any danger of violence against yourself or your child, there are safe houses in most cities where battered and abused women can go. If you do not know how to locate one, go to any church and speak with the minister, priest, religious counsellor or whatever they have and they should be able to get you to safety.

[GloriaStephanie]

Do you think counseling a psychiatrist and drug classes will help?

[tai18]

Do ya'll think counseling a psychiatrist and drug classes will help?

NO. I'm not sure why you are so desperate to make him change. Only he can change himself. Focus on your daughter & what is a SAFE environment for her ,move out. Who says she still can't see her father? No one did your just making yourself unhappy & making excuses not to leave him because you are still in love with him.Get a divorce its not the end of the world you will find someone else.

[talaniman]

My Husband Wants a divorce.

His choice, give it to him.

Everything happened so fast, and maybe that's why we're in this situation

.
Without a doubt.

We went to preschool together but we started talking January 2008, I saw him and fell in love

What you thought was love. Didn't bother to find out though did you?

I was fed up with they guy I was with at the time. And my husband was my hero and rescued me.

That explains a lot as why you thought you were in love, you were looking for a way out with your ex, and saw your husband as a way out. You basically jumped from one guy to another looking for some one to make you happy. Not a good decision.

We got together feb. 15, 08. We were inseparable. Did everything together.

Its always great in the beginning with a new guy, didn't you learn that with the ex? Bet that was great in the beginning too!

He started to become abusive when a guy would look or ask me something. Then later it would just be for every little thing.

He started to show his true self and if you had taken the time to find out you wouldn't be in this situation.

Growing up I was used to getting anything I want and was always shopping and basically had everything done for me. But I tried my best to learn how to cook, and clean up what I could.

So you have never had to grow up and learn about yourself and what your capable of, because someone has done it for you. Now its you who are responsible for yourself, and another. There goes the shopping trips. That's good really.

He's out of town right now and I missed his called. I called him as soon I saw his missed call. He always accuses me of cheating on him. I'm fed up. He shouldn't have married me if he wasn't going to trust me.
He smokes[not just cigarettes]

These are things you knew before as I seriously doubt he just started smoking but you past this up also. Its worse when your frustrated and all the things you ignored look a lot worse now. You shouldn't have married him until you really knew what he was about, like its all his fault your married.

I just really don't want my daughter to grow up with separated parents.

You need a support system, family is the best while you get a plan together to be living on your own and learn your options.

So do you have parents to help, or family and friends. If not, call social services immediately and get some help.

Did you learn anything?